


The Tragedy of You and Me

by seeleyboothfan



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-21
Updated: 2014-01-21
Packaged: 2018-01-09 14:10:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 45
Words: 76,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1146907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seeleyboothfan/pseuds/seeleyboothfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt Hummel lives in a society where, between the ages of 20-30, you can choose to erase portions of your memory for the right price. After so much pain in his life, Kurt moves forward with the procedure. He's oblivious and happy until the day he finds himself on a blind date with a certain curly haired, hazel eyed man. Can a once-in-a-lifetime love happen twice?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_If you could envision the meaning of a tragedy_

_You might be surprised to hear it's you and me_

_Forgive and forget you a thousand times_

_For the fire and the sleepless nights_

 

 

Rachel had scoffed at the idea of erasing your memory when Kurt first brought it up right after Blaine had cheated on him. She said that your memories and the bad times made you who you were. She said good actors drew from their pain to make beautiful art.

 

She quickly changed her mind after Finn's death. After weeks of being a inconsolable, sobbing mess, Kurt came home to a bright and bubbly Rachel, alight with a fire that Kurt hadn't seen in her in years and he knew she'd had the procedure done.

 

It was a long adjustment process for them both. To forget Finn, Rachel had lost a lot of her memories and the rest that she kept were so adjusted and deformed that they couldn't even really be considered real. Finn made up a good portion of her life and the holes were glaringly obvious to anyone but her. For Kurt, he had no one to reminisce with and to hold when the pain became too great.

 

Kurt had turned to Blaine during that time. Once Blaine had graduated and moved to New York, they'd started dating again. They had a few good years, but as much as Kurt loved Blaine and tried to forgive and forget, he realized he couldn't trust Blaine anymore. Every time Blaine stayed late after class or talked with any guy, Kurt couldn't help but feel suspicious. Things started to get tense between them, Kurt finally snapping one day and telling Blaine that he couldn't do it anymore, not Rachel or him or anyone else. He'd moved out and set up the appointment with the neurologist the next day.

 

End Notes:

**Short, I know. I wanted to put the idea out there while I was writing the first chapter to see how much interest there was in a story like this. I always enjoyed Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and I honestly think Kurt and Rachel would pursue it if it was available. The bullying, Blaine's betrayal, Finn's death, etc would be too much for Kurt to handle in such a short time and Rachel would see it as an easy out to get rid of the pain of Finn's death.**

 

**Let me know if you are interested in seeing more of this.**


	2. Chapter 2

_When it comes down to it_

_You never made the most of it_

_So I cried, cried, cried_

_And now I say goodbye_

 

 

The process to have his memories erased was quite complicated. He met with the doctor over a period of four weeks, detailing the people and places and events he wanted desperately to forget.

 

His neurologist that he'd been assigned to, Dr. Marc Peterson, was one of the nicest men Kurt had met in his life. They'd explained to him that, for his first few appointments, he would be paired with a psychologist, Dr. Maureen Meyers, whom took detailed notes as they talked. After he told a synopsis of his relationship with Blaine to the psychologist, Dr. Peterson pulled up a chair and smiled at Kurt.

 

"How much do you know about the brain and our research into memory alteration and deletion, Mr. Hummel?"

 

Kurt grimaced, slumping down in this seat. "Very little. I only know what we learned in class and the little blurb on your pamphlet."

 

Dr. Peterson smiled and nodded. "That's the case with most of my clients. I'd like to take our first session and just talk about the procedure and answer any questions that you have."

 

"That sounds great, Doctor."

 

The neurologist turned to an easel at his side and pointed to the image of the brain, divided into four parts. "These are the four quadrants of the brain: the frontal lobe, the parietal lobes, the occipital lobe, and the temporal lobes." He pointed to each quadrant starting with the front and moving clockwise as he named them. "For your procedure, we're going to be focusing on the temporal lobes." He pointed once more at the quadrant situated near the bottom of the brain. "The temporal lobes are the heavy hitters in the creation and storing of memories. What our research has shown is that, manual stimulation and manipulation of areas of these lobes can affect certain short term and long term memories. With the correct tools and skill, we can successfully destroy and create memories."

 

Kurt nodded his understanding.

 

"Throughout our sessions, we'll do MRIs and other scans to determine where exactly these memories we'll be manipulating are stored in the lobes. Depending on how complicated the memory extraction could be, the procedure itself could take multiple visits. After each procedure, we'll meet and discuss where we are in the process and go from there. Is this all making sense?"

 

"It is. How exactly are memories removed? Is it one by one or in chunks?"

 

"Depending on the complexity, they could be completely removed in one go or it could go bit by bit. Basically, we start at your most recent memory and work backwards. For you, we'll be working months at a time until he's fully removed from your memory."

 

"So there's a chance I'll remember dating him but I won't remember him cheating?" Kurt asked, biting his lip.

 

Dr. Meyers looked up from where she was taking her notes. "Yes. It's the reason why we schedule a therapy session directly after your procedure. We spend however long it takes discussing what's going on in your life and what you need to work on and sort through before your next session. For your case, it'll be important to keep you from contacting him while we're working on removing him from your life. If you leave here with only memories of loving him, there's a chance you'll go back to him and go against everything you're trying to accomplish. Unless you've changed your mind. We could always remove only the memory of the affair."

 

Kurt shook his head vehemently. "That's not what I want at all. I don't want to go back to obliviously trusting him. It's all or nothing and right now, all I want is nothing from him."

 

Dr. Meyers nodded and made a note on her clipboard.

 

"Are there any questions you have for me, Mr. Hummel?" Dr. Peterson asked.

 

Kurt nodded. "Have there been any complications with any of your patients?"

 

Dr. Peterson sighed. "Unfortunately, yes. The brain is a very complex organ and we're still learning about it. The risk with this procedure is making sure we erase and change the correct memories. Memories are not stored in one specific place in your brain. They are spread throughout your entire temporal lobe, interspersed with the information on how to breathe, walk, talk, and whatever else is necessary to live a normal life. For example, if we harm the hippocampus," he pointed to a small area near the middle of the brain, "you could lose the ability to create any memories."

 

Kurt felt his body break out in a cold sweat. "So, you're saying I could end up like that girl in 50 First Dates?"

 

The neurologist nodded. "That is a possibility. With the advances of technology and medicine, that risk goes down day by day. But it  _is_  still a risk. There is something else we need to discuss. Dr Meyers?"

 

The psychologist looked up from where she was reading through Kurt's records. "Mr. Hummel, from the brief description you've given me of your life and relationship with Blaine Anderson, it's going to be difficult to remove him without disrupting the rest of your memories. It's a delicate process to remove a person so thoroughly entwined in your life. It sounds like he was a part of your everyday life for the last three years. If you go through with this, nothing will be the same. You'll never have gone to Dalton, you'll lose a good majority of your last two years of high school. Most importantly, you'll forget that you've been in love. Are you sure this is what you want?"

 

Kurt swallowed harshly, taking a deep breath before speaking. "I want to start fresh, but everywhere I go, everything I do, I'm reminded of him."

 

Dr. Meyers nodded sympathetically. "There are other things we could try removing first, other pains we could remedy. You mentioned bullying; those memories would be quite simple to-"

 

"Surviving the bullying made me strong. Losing Finn made me realize life is short and to treasure the time you have. Blaine's cheating has caused nothing but pain. I hate that I can't trust anyone anymore and that I can't open my heart to anyone. I want the chance to find love again; is that much to ask?"

 

"If you are certain, I'm going to move forward. As I've explain before, we start from the most recent memory and work backwards. Tomorrow we'll run our first MRI. I'll require you to detail the last thing you remember about Blaine Anderson so that we can locate that memory. If that's sounds alright to you, I'll need you to sign this form here." He held out a clipboard to Kurt.

 

Kurt felt his heartbeat quicken, hands shaking as he reached for the pen. He hesitated for only a moment before he signed his name at the bottom.

 

End Notes:

**I hope my research into the brain and memory lead to the correct answers. I want to make sure this is a true to life as an AU can be. Let me know if anything is glaringly wrong. From now on, I'll be focusing less on science and more on emotions as the chapters go on. I just wanted to make sure this was as based in fact as it could be.**

 

**Let me know if you like where this is heading. I'm planning the next chapter or two to be based on Kurt going through the process but the majority of the story to be "post-extraction".**

 

**Thanks for all the follows, favorites, and reviews - they mean the world to me.**


	3. Chapter 3

_Last time you were mine, I was just a kid_

_I didn't know there were consequences for what I did  
There were times it was good, but when it got bad  
I didn't have much pride, I gave you everything I had_

 

 

"Good morning, Mr. Hummel." Dr. Meyers smiled at Kurt, holding the door to her office open and gesturing for him to enter.

 

"Please call me Kurt. If I'm going to be reliving the majority of the last few years with you, it seems right that we'd be on a first name basis."

 

"Okay, Kurt. Why don't you take a seat on the couch and we'll get started."

 

Kurt eyed the couch warily, sitting tentatively down and facing the psychologist. "I thought Dr. Peterson said we'd be doing an MRI today."

 

"Dr. Peterson will be joining us in another hour. First, we need to get you into the correct mind-space for the scan. If you could please lay back and close your eyes for me?"

 

Kurt took a deep breath and laid himself back, his eyelashes fluttering closed. He listened as Dr. Meyers walked around the office and moved papers, finally settling into a chair next to him. He couldn't stop his heart from starting to beat quicker and quicker, his chest tightening as a wave of panic overcame him.

 

"I can see that you're tense, Kurt. Why do you think that is?" Dr. Meyers' voice was soft and soothing.

 

Kurt shook his head, eyes still closed. "I thought I was ready. I'd read and reread the packet Dr. Peterson gave me so that I'd be prepared. I guess I'm just nervous about everything."

 

"There's no need to be nervous. All we're going to do today is establish where we'll be extracting the memories from. If it gets to be too much, we'll reschedule for another day. This process is to make things better for you, Kurt. Your well being is our priority. We won't push you into anything you're not ready for."

 

"Thank you," Kurt breathed, feeling the tightness start to dissipate slightly.

 

"I need you to breathe slowly, in and out, letting everything leave your mind. Can you do that for me, Kurt?" Kurt followed Dr. Meyers' breathing feeling his limbs go heavy and loose. "Nod for me when your mind is blank. Good. Now, picture your apartment for me."

 

The loft in Bushwick blossomed to life in Kurt's mind.

 

"Let your mind wander back to the last time you were with Mr. Anderson – what do you see?"

 

Kurt glanced around the apartment, sounds and movement getting clearer and clearer the more time passed. Rachel sat at the table, humming as she brushed her hair. A plate sat in front of her with a partially eaten half of grapefruit upon it. Blaine stood at the dishwasher, carefully placing their silverware and plates into the bottom rack. In the background, classical music was playing.

 

Blaine turned when he heard Kurt enter. "Hi, sweetheart." His face lit up with a smile. He wiped his hands off on the dish rag and jogged over to Kurt, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. Kurt could feel the familiar heat race through him, opening his mouth unconsciously to meet Blaine's tongue with his own. Blaine sighed as he pulled away. "I was thinking today that we could-"

 

"Where were you last night?" Kurt asked, his voice clipped.

 

Blaine paused, mouth dropping into a frown. "I was out studying, you know that."

 

"Who were you studying with?" Kurt folded his arms across his chest.

 

"Steven. Why do you sound angry?"

 

Rachel looked back and forth between the two of them. "I think I'm going to head out." She quickly packed up her books and hustled out the door.

 

Kurt bristled. Steven was a very attractive, very single gay guy that Blaine went to school with. Kurt hated him from the moment Blaine had mentioned him a few months back. "You were out really late."

 

"Yeah, we had a lot of studying to do."

 

"Is that what they're calling it these days?"

 

"You think I was cheating on you?" Blaine looked angry. "You said we were past this. You said you forgave me."

 

"I thought I could start trusting you again, but I guess I just can't. You cheated, Blaine. You let your loneliness become more important than your love for me. Once you've given into temptation, it's so easy to give in again. I can't help but worry when you're in a place where that temptation could happen again."

 

"I love you, Kurt, more than anything. I made a huge mistake, one that I'll never make again. I don't know how to prove that to you."

 

Kurt took a step back from Blaine, shaking his head. "You can't. I think it's time we stopped kidding ourselves into thinking this could work between us."

 

Blaine's face fell. "Kurt, don't do this. We could go to counseling, find some way to make this right between us. I can't lose you again." His voice was so broken.

 

"There's nothing that anyone can say that will change my mind. I don't trust you anymore and I doubt I ever will."

 

"So, what? You're kicking me out? Where am I supposed to go?"

 

Kurt sighed. "You don't have to go anywhere. I'll be leaving tonight to spend some time with my family. You can stay here as long as you like. You pay a third of the rent, so it's technically your home, too."

 

"It's not a home if you're not here." Blaine twisted his hands together. "Is there anything I can do to convince you to stay?"

 

Kurt didn't respond. He simply stared at the boy he was so desperately in love with, but couldn't help but mistrust. He twisted the silver ring on his finger a few times before removing it. When Blaine wouldn't take it from him, he set it on the coffee table to his right.

 

Blaine's eyes filled with tears as he eyed the engagement ring. "You accepted my proposal, Kurt. I'm not going to give up. You said you'd never say goodbye to me and I'm holding you to that. No matter how far you go, never forget how much I love you."

 

_Forget_

 

"And that was the last time you saw or heard from Blaine Anderson?" Dr. Meyers' voice cut into Kurt's reminiscing.

 

"Yes, I flew home that night and haven't talked to him since." Kurt could feel his blood start to boil. "That was one of the many times Blaine made it difficult to trust him. He was too focused on pleasing everyone else, that he never realized how much it hurt me. I was his fiancé. His first priority should have been me!"

 

"Kurt." Dr. Meyers' voice was firm. "Let it go. You've already explained why you're extracting Blaine from your memory – there's no need to continue explaining." Kurt let his body relax as best he could. "Do you want to take a break or are you ready to keep going back to a few more memories?"

 

Kurt opened his eyes and turned to look at the psychologist. "I can handle a few more."

 

"I think you can, too. Close your eyes and let your mind go blank. When you are ready, please let yourself go back to the weeks prior to your first appointment with me. What do you see?"

 

Instead of his apartment in Bushwick, Kurt was transported to an open field. "I'm in Central Park," Kurt commented, letting himself drift through the memory.

 

"Kurt, did you even see what you packed?"

 

Kurt looked up from his magazine, peering over his sunglasses at his boyfriend. "Of course I did."

 

"Then, is there a reason why we're missing sandwiches?"

 

Kurt huffed and sat up, leaning over to glance into their picnic basket. "There wasn't much room, so it was either sandwiches or cheesecake." Kurt smiled and pointed to the pie pan in the bottom of the basket. "Obviously the cheesecake won out."

 

"Obviously." Blaine snickered and shook his head, pulling out the rest of their food and drink items from the basket. "Heaven forbid we miss out on cheesecake."

 

"Hey, I had a rough week at work. I deserve cheesy-cakey goodness."

 

Blaine reached over and squeezed Kurt's shoulders. "I agree. That's why I'm giving you an Anderson back rub when we get home." He planted a loud, wet kiss on Kurt's cheek.

 

"You're the best. What would I do without you?"

 

"Let's hope we never find out." Blaine hooked Kurt's chin with his finger and pressed their lips together.

 

Kurt hummed in contentment. "I love you so much."

 

"Love you, too." Blaine nuzzled into Kurt's neck.

 

Kurt could feel the corners of his mouth life into a large smile. "I've missed spending time with you."

 

"Me too. Just think: four more weeks and then it'll be summer. Twelve weeks off."

 

"I can't wait."

 

"Blaine?" Kurt looked up at the man who had come to stand near them. He was statuesque, at least six foot tall, his chiseled chin graced with a dark stubble. His raven hair was slicked back, the temples sprinkled with silver. His broad chest was clad in what looked to be the latest fashion. Horn-rimmed glasses perched gracefully on his nose, his blue eyes sparkling behind them. His teeth were startlingly white and his generous lips were stretched wide in a smile. He was, in a word, gorgeous.

 

"Hey, Mr. Swanson!" Blaine's face lit up with recognition. "What are you doing here?"

 

"I could ask you the same. Don't you have some studying to do?"

 

"You would know."

 

The gentleman chuckled. "Too true."

 

"Are you going to introduce me?" Kurt knew he sounded pissed off but he couldn't help it. Blaine was completely ignoring him for this drop dead gorgeous guy.

 

Blaine looked sheepish. "Oh, of course. Forgive my rudeness. Kurt, this is Mr. Swanson, my Music Theory professor. Mr. S., this is my fiancé, Kurt Hummel. He's my reason for going into music." Blaine pressed a kiss to Kurt's cheek.

 

"Pleasure to meet you, Kurt. Blaine talks about you enough that I feel I already know you. I'll have you know that Blaine is my best and brightest student. Cute as a button, too."

 

Blaine blushed red. "Oh, god. Stop."

 

Kurt wrapped a possessive hand around Blaine's wrist. "Too bad he's taken." Even Kurt could hear the venom in his voice.

 

Mr. Swanson's eyes narrowed in confusion, looking back and forth between the two of them. "Blaine had told me about the engagement. Congratulations."

 

"Thank you," Blaine said, smiling up at his professor.

 

When Kurt remained silent and stony, Mr. Swanson turned back to Blaine. "I'll leave you to it. I'll see you in class tomorrow, Blaine."

 

Blaine nodded and said goodbye, waiting until he'd gone out of hearing range before turning to glare at Kurt. "What was that?"

 

"What was what?" Kurt said, feigning innocence as he pulled out a slice of cheesecake.

 

"Could you have been any ruder? He's my professor in probably my most important course this semester."

 

"He was flirting with you and you were eating it up. I'm sorry if I felt like I had to stake my claim."

 

Blaine snorted. "You're joking, right?" When Kurt didn't respond, Blaine frowned. "You  _cannot_  be serious about this."

 

Kurt scoffed. "It only takes a minute to see the appeal. Distinguished older guy, highly fashionable, and, oh yeah, a teacher. It's every gay kid's wet dream."

 

"It really hurts that you think anyone but you would draw my eye. Not that it's  _any_  of your business, but Mr. Swanson has a wife and three children. His oldest son is a few years younger than me. He just came out and Mr. Swanson has been asking me for advice on how to talk to him. As for your accusations: he wasn't flirting with me. He was praising all the time and effort I put into my class work. Do you think I don't deserve that?"

 

Kurt knew his face had lost all its color. "Of course not. I only meant-"

 

"I know what you meant, Kurt." Blaine sighed, his body deflating in on itself, a completely heartbroken look on his face. "Since we got back together, have I ever given you reason to doubt me? Doubt us?"

 

Kurt shook his head.

 

"So why are you doubting me now? That ring I put on your finger was a physical representation of the promise I made you: to love you with all of my heart and soul, to make sure not a day goes by without you feeling like the most special person in the world, and to treasure and cherish every moment spent together. I'm not going to stray from you, Kurt. Not again."

 

Tears pooled along Kurt's lower lids and spilled along his cheeks. "Blaine, I'm so sorry."

 

"Forget it." Blaine picked up his salad and took a large bite. "Let's not let this ruin our lunch."

 

Kurt felt bile rise in his throat, stomach churning at how guilty he felt. He picked up his napkin and tried to discreetly dry his cheeks.

 

Blaine sighed and set down his salad. "Give it here." When Kurt handed over the napkin, Blaine used it to gently wipe Kurt's face. "We'll get through this, Kurt. I have one more year of classes and then we'll start planning our wedding. We'll move to a house in the suburbs and truly start our life together."

 

Kurt allowed himself to smile. "Nothing sounds more wonderful." He pressed a kiss to Blaine's palm. "Do you forgive me for doubting you?"

 

"Yes. I do however want to know just how many professors you've crushed on. That description of Mr. Swanson's qualities sounded as if you've given it a lot of thought. He has to be at least 50. I guess I didn't know that older guys did it for you."

 

Kurt giggled. "Oh, god. You'll never let me forget this, will you?"

 

_Forget_

 

"Kurt, you need to breathe." Dr. Meyers' hand on Kurt's shoulder jolted Kurt from his memory. As he returned to consciousness, Kurt realized he was breathing deeply, his body vibrating.

 

"I hated what his betrayal did to me. Even if there was no reason, I was suspicious of him, trying to see lies where there was only truth. It didn't matter what he said or did: I was never going to trust him again. Can I- can I be done? I can't do any more. It's too much."

 

Dr. Meyers nodded, placing her hand gently on Kurt's arm. "Of course, Kurt. I'll go grab you a glass of water to drink and I'll get Dr. Peterson to join us."

 

Kurt let himself come back to reality, the images from Central Park lingering in the back of his mind. He clasped his hands in his lap, attempting to stop their shaking. Not for the first time Kurt was wondering just what he'd gotten himself into.

 

End Notes:

**Thank you again for everyone's kind words about this story.**

 

**I rewatched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind to refresh myself on how they went about the story and I realized it was a lot different than I remembered. For those that know the movie, my story won't be exactly like it. It's more like I used it as a springboard for my own work.**

 

**Please review and let me know what you think. Til next time!**


	4. Chapter 4

_"The end" never seemed like it was good enough_

_Two little words seemed too small  
I turned the page to find a blank one  
As if the ones before never really happened at all_

 

 

Kurt couldn't completely shake Blaine's image and the sound of his laugh. Kurt had chosen to pursue memory extraction so that he could forget Blaine. He hadn't realized that he would have to relive everything with Blaine to get there.

 

"Mr. Hummel?"

 

Kurt looked up and realized they had arrived. The MRI looked intimidating. There was a large circular scanner into which a bed could be moved in and out. He felt his body break out in goosebumps and his knees started shaking.

 

"I'll give you a few minutes to change into a hospital gown. If you have any jewelry, I will ask you to remove it at this time."

 

Kurt couldn't take his eyes from the machine. He struggled to get his shirt and jeans undone, fingers fumbling on the buttons as he stared down the MRI. After much longer than normal, Kurt was able to pull on the hospital gown.

 

He jumped when there was a knock on the door. "Come in." His voice was shaky. He cleared his throat as best he could, eyes never wavering from the machine.

 

In no time at all, Dr. Peterson was helping Kurt onto the bed, locking his head into an intimidating headpiece. As he carefully secured the straps, he smiled down at Kurt. "There's nothing to worry about, Mr. Hummel. The MRI is completely painless. It should only take 45 minutes." He nodded in satisfaction at the headpiece. "It is normal if your head starts to feel warm during the procedure. It's a common side effect of the imaging. We've got some headphones here so that you can hear us during the procedure, but it's going to be noisy. There will be a lot of tapping and thumping going on – it's nothing worry about. It's just the coils and magnets doing their jobs." He secured the headphones into Kurt's ears.

 

"Let us know if you need anything, Kurt," Dr. Meyers' voice called through his head phones. She was already in the other room, making preparations for his scan. Dr. Peterson nodded and gave Kurt a smile. Kurt couldn't return the smile that his Neurologist was giving him. His stomach was in knots and his body felt extremely cold. Dr. Peterson pressed a button on the side of the bed and it started moving, slowly forcing Kurt's prone body into the machine.

 

The first few minutes were okay, but Kurt could feel the terror creeping up on him. He'd never been a a fan of small places or being stuck, and this was both. The MRI was loud, too. The pounding was jarring and he could feel the pulses through his whole body. The sensation of being trapped washed over Kurt. Not only was he told he couldn't move; they'd also strapped his head to the table. The top of the machine was inches from his nose, the noise of the magnet pounding loudly in his ears. Kurt couldn't stop the tears from pooling in his eyes, his breath hitching in his chest.

 

His toes and the tips of his fingers were losing feeling as stars appeared in his vision.

 

"Mr. Hummel, I'm going to need you to stay perfectly still for me."

 

"Sorry." Kurt tried to let his body settle once more, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth. His vision was blurred, the tears pouring steadily out of his eyes.

 

"Kurt?" Dr. Meyers' concerned voice echoed in Kurt's headphones.

 

Kurt's body was trying to slither out of the machine on its own, no matter how much his brain was trying to stop it.

 

"Mr. Hummel, you need to stop moving."

 

Kurt felt his torso starting to twist and he tried unsuccessfully to pull himself out of the headpiece that he was strapped into. He could feel the sweat pooling over his body, his chest starting to ache as he breathed quicker and harsher with each second that passed. "I can't- I need- I want Blaine." Kurt's head thrashed against the headpiece, his arms flying up to try and rip it off himself.

 

"Mr. Hummel, I need you to calm down. You're going to hurt yourself."

 

It was as if his Neurologist was speaking from afar. Kurt could no more calm down than stop his heart from beating. "Blaine. Please- Blaine," Kurt whimpered, trying in vain to pull himself from the MRI.

 

Kurt's body jolted when he was suddenly pulled from the machine, the concerned faces of his two doctors peering anxiously down at him. Kurt's pulled apart the velcro on the straps attached to his head and leapt from the table, nearly falling as he trembling legs partially collapsed underneath him. Dr. Meyers' hands shot out and caught him, clutching him to her. She directed him over to the nearest chair and pushed him into it. "Put your head between your knees. Breathe in for five counts and out for five. We don't want you passing out."

 

Kurt's body curled into itself, his head lodged between his legs, his breath harsh in his lungs. His head was buzzing, his vision blurred around the edges. Even out of the machine, his body still felt like it was locked in a vice, as if he was pushing against a large weight on his chest every time he tried to take a breath. If he had his phone on him, he'd have called Blaine in a second. It was something about his voice that managed to break through the terror, help him step back from the cliff he was falling over.

 

Kurt had had his share of panic attacks throughout his life, the bulk during middle and high school. He'd tried to hide them from Blaine, afraid that they'd send Blaine away, make him so disgusted with him. The day Blaine figured it out was the day he'd gone to visit Blaine at his house the night after his eye surgery.

 

_They spent most of the night cuddling on Blaine's bed, Kurt reading to him from the previous month's GQ. "So, Detroit and Cleveland are in the '40 Worst Dressed Cities In The U.S.'," Kurt commented. He snorted. "Overalls and puffy vests are not fashion."_

 

_Blaine giggled, burying his face into Kurt's neck, lips pressing clumsily to the tendon. "Does Finn know how much aversion you have for his puffy vest?"_

 

_Kurt nodded. "Yes. I've mentioned it on multiple occassions. His girlfriend doesn't dress any better, so I guess they're a perfect match."_

 

" _Awww, you don't like Rachel's kitty sweaters?"_

 

_Kurt pulled away from his boyfriend and raised an eyebrow at him. "If I didn't know you were high on pain meds, I would ask if you were in your right mind." He cuddled back up into Blaine and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "How are you feeling, babe?"_

 

_Blaine nuzzled into Kurt's shoulder. "I feel like my head's a balloon," his voice had the sing-songy lilt that it did when he exhausted. "You should tie me down," Blaine whispered hotly into Kurt's ear, licking across the shell of it and whining as he rubbed against Kurt's thigh. Blaine had been half hard since Kurt had arrived, but the pain meds had hindered his ability to perform. The meds made it impossible for Blaine to come, so he was a hard, achy mess. When Blaine attempted to go down on Kurt and nearly poked out his good eye, they realized his depth perception was going to hinder any fun times, too._

 

_Kurt couldn't help the shiver that went through him at the completely inappropriate images that his brain cooked up at Blaine's words. Kurt bit his lip, extricating himself from his now clingy boyfriend. He gave Blaine the sternest glance he could muster. "Blaine, I told you that we're not going to have sex. If you keep trying, you're just going to get frustrated and I'd much rather cuddle than be mad at each other."_

 

_Blaine gave a long suffering sigh, but nodded. Blaine had curled up into Kurt and fallen asleep shortly after. Kurt had been given permission to spend the night with Blaine, so he spooned up behind Blaine and cradled him tightly to his chest._

 

_To this day, Kurt doesn't remember what woke him up. One moment he was sound asleep and the next he was sitting upright in Blaine's bed. His heart was beating quickly, his breath catching in his chest, his body completely tense. Random flashes of locker shoves and dumpster tosses and death threats swam through Kurt's mind, his body soaked with sweat._

 

_He tried to be quiet, but Blaine woke up anyway. He'd sat with Kurt and offered what comforting words he could, letting silence settle when Kurt needed it. They eventually both fell back asleep, Kurt praying that Blaine wouldn't remember. But Blaine did remember and once he was fully recovered from the surgery, he sat Kurt down and they talked about it. Blaine admitted to attacks of his own and they were upfront about everything, and they figured out what the other needed during those moments so that they could help in the way the other needed. Every attack after that moment, they worked through together._

 

If he were in his right mind, he'd have realized the futility of calling Blaine. He was in this situation because of him. Calling Blaine would be like giving a shot to an addict. He'd have to get through this on his own.

 

Kurt's body jerked when Dr. Meyers put her hand on his shoulder. He pulled away from her; physical touch was the last thing he needed at this time. He needed a cool, dark place, away from all the people and noises and light. "Kurt?"

 

"Can you leave? I want to change and go home." Kurt was surprised at how steady his voice was, barely a hitch.

 

Dr. Meyers sent him a sympathetic smile. "Of course. Knock on the door when you're done changing and we'll direct you to the lobby."

 

Kurt waited until they'd left before he sunk to his knees on the floor.

 

End Notes:

**Sorry about the longer wait for this chapter. Work is being a bitch and taking up WAY too much time. I want more time to write :(**

 

**Thanks again for all the reviews and favorites, they mean a lot.**


	5. Chapter 5

_I got one more place in my memory_

_When I wished with every part of me  
I could go back, go back to the start_

 

 

"It's so odd to me, Rachel's idea of Finn."

 

Blaine looked up from where he'd been reading through his notes. "Hmm?"

 

"Because we're roommates, Rachel couldn't have Finn completely erased from her memories. It's just odd that she now only knows Finn as my step-brother, nothing more. Like, they had this whole period of time that they were together and now it's gone." Kurt sighed, his fingers playing with the buttons on Blaine's pajama top.

 

Moments like this were the best time of the day for Kurt. Blaine was home from his classes and they'd been able to enjoy dinner together after Kurt's shift at Vogue. They'd curl up together on the bed and work on their projects. Kurt had completed his spread for the magazine so he was preparing to take a short nap against Blaine's chest. Blaine loved indulging Kurt's cuddles as he did his homework.

 

Kurt pressed an absent kiss to Blaine's chest, the fingers of his left hand pinching one of Blaine's nipples. He smiled fondly as Blaine's toes curled and his breath hitched. He allowed himself a few seconds to appreciate the effect he still had on his fiancé before his smile fell. "I mentioned that it was the anniversary of Finn's death and she had this blank look on her face. She was not interested at all. Not that I blame her; to her, he's nothing more than a stranger. It just hurts that that connection is gone."

 

Blaine set his paperwork aside and curled his arm tighter around Kurt. "I can't even imagine. I wouldn't say I have any idea the pain of losing your partner, but I just can't see how forgetting them is the best choice."

 

"Exactly. Finn was special to my family. Forgetting him is a dishonor to him and everything he stood for. It frustrates me every time I look at her, knowing she took the easy way out of grieving. I have to walk on eggshells around her because I need to make sure I never bring up their relationship."

 

Blaine sighed. "Maybe it's time we moved out?"

 

Kurt pulled away from where he was curled into Blaine, looking down into his eyes. "I thought we didn't want to get our own place until we were married."

 

Blaine cupped Kurt's cheek in his hand, brushing a thumb over his bottom lip. "I know you said you wanted to wait, but maybe this will be for the best. You won't have to worry about setting Rachel off and she can practice her singing whenever she wants."

 

Kurt smiled at him, nipping at the pad of Blaine's finger. "And we can be as loud as we want," he commented with a smirk.

 

Blaine grinned. "Hadn't thought of that."

 

"And here I thought that sex was all that boys thought about." Kurt slid his free hand down into Blaine's pants and squeezed. "I love when you scream."

 

Blaine pulled Kurt to him and-

 

"Can I please stop?" Kurt glanced up at Dr. Meyers from the couch he was reclining on. "I think you have plenty of this memory." He knew his cheeks were cherry red.

 

Dr. Meyers finished writing her notes and nodded. "Of course. I was thinking we'd get one more memory and then we'd do another scan."

 

Kurt sighed and settled further into the couch. He pushed away all thoughts until his mind was a blank canvas.

 

"I need for you to go back to the day of your engagement."

 

" _Blaine Devon Anderson, you get out here right now!"_

 

_Blaine peeked out from the curtains surrounding their bedroom, a sheepish smile on his face. "Yes, Kurt?"_

 

" _What in God's name is this?" Kurt indicated the counter in their kitchen. Bowls and utensils and ingredients were scattered across the surface, not a clean inch in sight. There was even a huge glob of cream cheese on the handle of their mini fridge._

 

" _Dinner preparation?"_

 

" _When have I ever said it was okay for you to cook?"_

 

"…  _never." Blaine bit his lip and made his way over to Kurt. "If I promise there was a good reason, can I be forgiven?"_

 

_Kurt considered his boyfriend for a minute, arms crossed over his chest. He shook his head at Blaine's pout."I could never say no to you and those eyes of yours. What's the reason?"_

 

_Blaine reached out and unentwined Kurt's arms, grasping his hands. "Tonight is a very special occasion and I wanted to do something nice for you."_

 

" _Something nice like leaving a disaster for me to clean?" Kurt shot Blaine a wry smile._

 

" _I'm going to clean it up, don't worry."_

 

" _You'd better hope so."Kurt finally let himself smile._

 

" _I'll clean this all up while you get changed. Think night on the town." It was only then that Kurt noticed Blaine's outfit. He was wearing one of his nicest suits, the first bowtie Kurt had ever bought him tied neatly around his neck. His hair was tamed with a modest amount of mousse._

 

_Kurt's eyebrow raised with interest. "Color me intrigued."_

 

_After putting on his nicest outfit, Kurt peeked his head out of the curtains, spotting Blaine cleaning up their kitchen counter, humming a cheery tune under his breath that Kurt didn't recognize._

 

" _Blaine?"_

 

_His boyfriend squeaked and jumped, dropping the rag in shock. "Gosh, you scared me."_

 

_Kurt smiled. "You're the only person I know who says 'gosh' anymore." He looped his arms around Blaine's neck. "Are you going to tell me why we're all dressed up?"_

 

_Blaine took a deep breath looking back and forth between Kurt's eyes, his own hazel ones twinkling in the light from the candles Blaine had lit while Kurt was changing. "I love you so much, Kurt."_

 

" _I love you, too," Kurt responded automatically._

 

_Blaine grabbed for Kurt's hands. "You gave me a second chance and I don't want to waste it. I want to make the most of our life together." After taking a pause, Blaine dropped down to one knee and blinked up at Kurt. Kurt felt his heart flip over in his chest. "There was so much I wanted to say, so many things I wanted to say about how much I love you and how happy you make me, but here, in this moment with you, words aren't enough. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, the most beautiful person I've ever met, and I would be the happiest person in the world if you'd marry me."_

 

_Blaine let go of one of Kurt's hands and pulled a box out of his pocket, opening the hinge to reveal a sparkling silver band._

 

" _Yes!" Kurt shouted, slapping a hand to his mouth when he heard just how loud he'd been. He blinked back the rapidly pooling tears and jumped up and down. "Yes, yes, yes." He held out his shaking left hand for Blaine to put the ring on._

 

_After laughing and crying and kissing for the next thirty minutes, they'd sat down to enjoy the meal and homemade cheesecake that Blaine had made, retiring to bed together for celebratory sex (after calling Burt, Carole, Cooper and all their friends)._

 

"That should be enough, Kurt."

 

It took a few moments for Kurt to come back from the memory. Kurt unclenched his hands from where he'd had them in fists for the entire stretch of time he'd be reminiscing.

 

"I'm going to go grab your friend so that we can make our way to the MRI. Are you going to be okay for a scan today?"

 

Kurt nodded, thinking back to last week when he'd had a panic attack during the MRI.

 

_After Kurt had gotten changed back into normal clothes, Dr. Meyers and Dr. Peterson had returned to the room. "I don't think I can do this," Kurt had admitted, unable to look at the machine._

 

" _There are things we can do to make it go more smoothly. Sometimes we can do sedation, but for this procedure we need you fully conscious. We'll switch over to our open MRI. I'm so sorry, Mr. Hummel. If we'd had any idea that you were claustrophobic, we would have offered it first."_

 

" _It's okay." Kurt sniffled._

 

_Dr. Meyers smiled at him. "Why don't we reschedule for another day? Is there someone who could accompany you?"_

 

_Kurt nodded. "My friend Rachel could probably come." He wiped his nose on his arm, grimacing at the stickiness it left behind._

 

Kurt was pulled from his memory when Rachel entered the room. "Hi, Rachel. Thanks again for coming."

 

"Of course. Those machines sound so scary. I don't think I'd be able to handle it myself."

 

Kurt bit back his response that Rachel had most certainly handled the scan. She didn't remember getting the scan. It was part of the process of memory extraction: you didn't remember that you had the procedure performed. Kurt gripped Rachel's hand as Dr. Meyers lead them down the hall.

 

When Kurt entered the room with the Open MRI, he felt some of the uneasiness that had been building up in the chest ease away. The machine was much less intimidating than the first one. While the Closed MRI was a huge, hulking square machine, the Open MRI was a smaller, C-shaped machine.

 

"As you can see, Kurt," Dr. Meyers commented, "this should work much better for you. You won't be completely closed in and we won't strap you in." She indicated the wedge where Kurt would be laying his head. "It will still be very important for you to keep completely still."

 

Kurt nodded. Dr. Meyers had explained that they'd be combining the trial scans and extractions so that he wouldn't need to be in the MRI as often.

 

"I'll let you get dressed. Dr. Peterson and I will be back for you shortly."

 

Kurt laughed when Rachel turned her back as he started to change. "I really don't know why you're averting your eyes. I know you won't be ogling me."

 

"It's still the polite thing to do."

 

Kurt folded his pants and shirt and placed them on the bench. The gown was chilly against his skin as he pulled it on. "You can turn around now."

 

Rachel turned back to face him. "Is there anything you need me to do for you? Do you want me to just sit here or did you want me to hold your hand?"

 

Kurt's cheeks colored. "It'd be really nice if you held my hand."

 

"Of course, Kurt."

 

Just then, Dr. Peterson and Dr. Meyers entered the room. It didn't take long for them to get everything set up, Rachel helping him onto the bed and holding his hand as he was pushed into the machine.

 

The first pound of the magnet made Kurt jump, his heart stopping for a moment. Kurt smiled when Rachel squeezed his hand, squeezing her hand back.

 

Dr. Meyers' voice sounded in his ears. "Kurt, please go back to the last time you saw Blaine, the apartment in Bushwick? You don't need to go too deep. I just need to get back to that part of your temporal lobe."

 

Immediately Kurt was transported back to their fight. He struggled to keep back anything but the shadowy backdrop of the memory. He didn't need to relive the horrible memory.

 

"Good. Please stay still."

 

The machine banged and clanged loudly around him. Kurt closed his eyes and tried to calm himself. He didn't feel like the walls were closing in, but the sensation of being trapped was still there right below the surface. After a few minutes he felt the arch of his foot start to itch. "Rachel?"

 

"Yes, Kurt?" His friend called out from his side where she was clutching his hand.

 

"My right foot itches. Could you scratch it for me?"

 

"Of course." He heard Rachel stand up and make her way to the end of the bed, her fingernails soothing the itch there.

 

Kurt sighed in relief, feeling his body relax further.

 

"You're doing well, Kurt." Dr. Peterson called out. "Shouldn't be too much longer and then we'll move on."

 

Every ten minutes or so Dr. Peterson would let him know that the step was complete and Dr. Meyers would prompt him for another memory.

 

* * *

 

After an hour had passed, Dr. Peterson let him know they were done and they let him get out of the machine. Rachel tilted her head back and forth, cracking her neck. She smiled at Kurt when he sat up, squeezing his hand tightly. "How do you feel, Kurt?"

 

"Good. What was this for again?"

 

Rachel frowned at him. "What do you mean?"

 

"I mean, what am I doing here?"

 

"Kurt, you're here erasing-"

 

"Rachel," Dr. Meyers said, "why don't you go grab Kurt something to drink? Kurt, I'll explain everything once we get back to my room."

 

Rachel frowned, confused. "But-"

 

Dr. Peterson smiled at her, indicating that she follow him out of the room. Once they were outside he turned to her. "He won't remember why he's here, not at first. Extraction of the most recent memory also removes the reason why he's having his memory erased. There's no reason for him to know why he's removing Mr. Anderson. His therapist will explain everything to him. There's nothing to worry about. Why don't you grab him something while you wait?"

 

Rachel bit her lip but did as the doctor asked. She couldn't help but wonder what exactly Kurt had gotten himself into.


	6. Chapter 6

_I dream ahead to what I hope for_

  
_And I turn my back on loving you_   
_How can this love be a good thing_   
_When I know what I'm going through_   
_And no matter how hard I try_   
_I can't escape these things inside I know_   
_I know when all the pieces fall apart_   
_You will be the only one who knows_   


 

 

"Hello, Kurt. My name is Dr. Maureen Meyers."

 

"Hello." Kurt accepted her handshake. "I'm sorry, but why am I here?"

 

She gave him a kind smile. For whatever reason, Kurt felt he could trust her, even though she was a stranger to him. Kurt's heart, which normally would be pounding out of control in a situation like this, was beating steadily, his breath even in his lungs. For whatever reason, he wasn't panicking even though he had no idea why he was in a hospital having tests performed.  _I guess if I had anything to worry about, Rachel would have told me._

 

"Take a seat." She indicated the chair behind Kurt. "I am your psychologist. Dr. Peterson, the man you saw in the MRI room, is your neurologist."

 

Kurt frowned. "Is there something wrong with me?"

 

"Oh, no. You're perfectly healthy, Kurt. Tell me, how much do you know about memory extraction?"

 

Kurt frowned. "My friend Rachel had it done after Finn died."

 

Dr. Meyers smiled and nodded. "Do you remember the first few days after she had it performed?"

 

Kurt nodded. "Yeah. What does this have to do with me?"

 

"You're in the middle of the process yourself, Kurt."

 

It was as if Dr. Meyers' words didn't register. "Excuse me?"

 

"Tell me, what's the last thing you remember?"

 

Kurt felt his lips curl up in a smile. "My boyfriend, Blaine, and I celebrated our fourth anniversary. He took me up to the roof which he'd decorated to look like Paris." He leaned forward, whispering conspiratorially, "I kept hinting that a trip to Paris would be very appreciated."

 

"Can I ask what the date of your anniversary is?"

 

"Sure! It's March 15th. Why do you ask?" Dr. Meyers gave him a sad smile and opened up the folder on her lap and handed Kurt a single sheet of paper. Kurt grabbed it and read the words his own hands had penned. The note was dated July 23rd. "Is this a joke? It's March, not July."

 

Dr. Meyers pulled out her cell phone and showed him the screen. "July 31st, 2015" was displayed clearly across the screen.

 

"I've lost four months?" Kurt couldn't process everything he was learning.

 

"I think you'll get your answers if you read." She nodded to the note.

 

" _I, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, have chosen to undertake Memory Extraction of my _fiancé_ , Blaine Devon Anderson-"_

 

"We were engaged?" Kurt felt his eyes well up with tears. "Why would I-"

 

"Keep reading, Kurt."

 

" _-the reason being history of infidelity which I have been unable to forget and truly forgive."_

 

Kurt looked up again, blinking back tears. "But I was okay,  _we_  were okay. I forgave him." He looked back down at the paper, hoping for some explanation of why he'd want to erase Blaine.

 

" _Only by forgetting him can I ever truly move past the betrayal and pain."_

 

"This can't be right. There's no way that I would want to erase Blaine. What happened in those months that I erased?"

 

"Firstly, everything other than your experiences with Mr. Anderson will be restored once the procedure is completed, so you don't have to worry about that. As for what happened with Mr. Anderson, do you really want to know?" Dr. Meyers asked. "Or would you like to hold onto the happiness you have now achieved?"

 

Kurt took a deep breath and really thought about it. He loved Blaine. He'd always loved Blaine. They were perfect together, finally able to live the life they wanted to. According to the letter he'd just read, they'd even gotten engaged. What horrible thing could have happened to force Kurt to take this step? Did he really want to know? "I can't erase him without knowing. We're happy. There's no reason for me to want him gone. What happened?"

 

"You described for me several instances where Mr. Anderson would do things that would make you distrust him."

 

"Like what?"

 

Dr. Meyers consulted her notes. "There were several people in his life that you suspected had feelings for Mr. Anderson. You said he did nothing to dissuade them and even spent more time than normal with these individuals."

 

"Who?" Kurt felt his blood start to boil. He thought that Blaine had gotten better after high school at realizing that his actions bore consequences, but he guessed he was wrong.

 

"There was a student named Steven and a teacher named Mr. Swanson."

 

Kurt knew Steven well. Blaine had introduced him a few months back and Kurt had hated him immediately. "So he was cheating on me again?"

 

Dr. Meyers shook her head. "You said that there was no proof of infidelity. It was more about the fact that you had lost all trust in Mr. Anderson. You said you were fighting constantly and you wanted to end the relationship. You said that you felt the only way to truly move on was to erase him."

 

Kurt looked down at his feet, contemplating. "I trust myself, so I guess if I made the decision to erase him, I should stick to it."

 

Dr. Meyers patted his knee. "I think that's for the best. If at any time you wish to stop the procedure, you need to let me or Dr. Peterson know."

 

"How much longer will it take until he's... gone?" Kurt felt his stomach drop as he said the words.

 

"Only a few more sessions I would think. Now that we've started the extraction, we'll be doing daily scans."

 

"Will I forget you every time? I mean, will you have to explain this to me every time?"

 

Dr. Meyers shook her head. "Now that we've established this as a way point, you'll go back to this memory after every extraction."

 

"That's good at least."

 

"I'd like you to go home and get a good night's rest, Kurt. Tomorrow we'll work through another set of memories and do another extraction. It's important to not speak to or see Mr. Anderson. It would be best if you could have someone call him and explain the situation so that he doesn't try to contact you."

 

"I could have Rachel talk to him, I guess."

 

"Take care, Kurt."

 

Kurt stood up, thanking the psychologist and exiting the room.

 

* * *

 

"Thanks for going with me, Rachel." Kurt waited outside the taxi as Rachel paid the driver.

 

She smiled and linked their arms together. "You're most welcome. What are friends for?"

 

Kurt paused outside the door to their apartment building. "I do need to know something, though."

 

"What is that?"

 

Kurt bit his lip. "I don't remember the last few months. The last thing I remember was the night of Blaine's and my anniversary. Is he going to be there when we get home?"

 

Rachel looked sad. "No, he's moved out." She held open the door and gestured for Kurt to enter. "Do you want me to tell you anything about what you missed?"

 

Kurt gave her a grateful smile. "That would be great."

 

Rachel took Kurt's coat from him and hung it up. "Well, after that night, Blaine proposed. You guys took over half the apartment and I ended up spending most of my time with Kevin." Kurt remembered Kevin, Rachel's new boyfriend. "After you guys fought that last time, you moved back home to Lima for a while and Blaine stayed here until two months ago. He ended up moving to California a few weeks before you came back for your procedure. I think he's living with Cooper, but I'm not sure."

 

Kurt let all the information sink in, or he tried to at the very least. "Do you think I'm making the right decision, erasing him?"

 

Rachel bit her lip. "I can't really answer that for you. I only saw you guys part of the time and you seemed really happy. I mean, you were planning your wedding and you were always smiling. It all changed thost last few weeks before you decided you wanted this procedure. You kept questioning Blaine about every little thing and it was creating a lot of tension. Most of the time, Blaine wasn't even doing anything wrong. It wasn't really my place to say anything so I just left you guys alone."

 

"Do you think he still loves me? Did I still love him?"

 

"Yes...to both. It's why it took you so long to come to a decision about this." Rachel reached over and pulled Kurt into a hug. "I'm so sorry you guys couldn't work things out."

 

"Me too." Kurt sighed, letting his best friend hold him close. "Do you think we can watch Rent? I need a good cry."

 

"Of course. I'll go grab you some ice cream."

 

Kurt went over to their movie shelf and pulled out the well used copy of Rent. As he was preparing it for playback, his phone started ringing. It was probably his Dad. Burt liked to call him on Fridays to check on his week and keep updated on each other lives.

 

He went into his bedroom to take the call with what little privacy his curtains afforded. He unlocked his phone, not bothering to look at the name on the screen. "Hello?"

 

"Kurt?"

 

"...Blaine?"

 

End Notes:

**Shorter chapter, I know. I hope it's not too confusing - the fact that Kurt is going to keep forgetting why he's erasing Blaine because every time he gets a memory removed, he forgets all the reasons why he wanted him gone in the first place. I am doing my best to make it all make sense.**

 

**Thank you to everyone favoriting, following, and reviewing! It means the world to me.**


	7. Chapter 7

_One more kiss could be the best thing_

  
_But one more lie could be the worst_   
_And all these thoughts are never resting_   
_And you're not something I deserve_   
_In my head there's only you now_   
_This world falls on me_   
_In this world there's real and make believe_   
_And this seems real to me_   
_You love me but you don't know who I am_   
_I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand_   
_And you love me but you don't know who I am_   
_So let me go_   
_Let me go_   


 

 

"Kurt, oh my god, you answered." Blaine sounded relieved.

 

"Blaine." Kurt couldn't help how needy he sounded.

 

"Kurt, I've missed you so much."

 

Kurt kept his voice to a whisper. He didn't want Rachel hearing. "Blaine, you shouldn't be calling."

 

"I know." Blaine sighed deeply. Kurt could picture him, hand squeezing the bridge of his nose, his forehead scrunched up. "I know you said that you wanted your space, but it's been weeks, Kurt."

 

"They told me I shouldn't speak to you."

 

He could hear Blaine's pause on the other end of the line. He clearly hadn't been expecting that response. "They? They who? Your family?"

 

"No, the-"

 

"Kurt," Rachel called out as she poked her head through the curtains, "oh, sorry. I didn't know you were on the phone. Is it your Dad?"

 

Kurt shook his head at Rachel, turning his attention back to the phone. "I have to go."

 

"No, Kurt. Please don't push me away. I can't let you go without a fight."

 

Kurt bit his lip. "It's too late, Blaine."

 

"Blaine?" Rachel sounded scandalized. She stormed over to Kurt and pulled the phone from him, stomping her way over to the fire escape, muttering to Blaine the entire way.

 

* * *

 

"Blaine, it's Rachel. Kurt can't talk anymore."

 

"Rachel, you have to let me speak to him."

 

"No, I  _don't_  have to." Rachel sighed when she got outside, finally able to talk at a normal volume. "Listen, Blaine. I know you love Kurt and I know he loves you. I know you don't want to give up on him, but the problem is, it's too late."

 

"It's never too late, especially if he still loves me."

 

"It is, though." Rachel sighed and sat down on the fire escape steps. "Blaine, things between you have been bad for a while. We thought for a while that you guys had moved on from your breakup, but I guess Kurt was just masking his continued doubt. Even you have to admit how bad it had gotten in the last few months."

 

"Everyone has arguments, Rachel. We were making plans for the future. He told me how happy he was. That doesn't count for nothing."

 

"I know. I wish it could be any other way, but it can't. Kurt's moving on in the only way he knows how. You guys just aren't meant to be. "

 

"Don't say that." Rachel could hear Blaine sniffling on the other end of the line. Rachel had always been a sympathetic crier, so it wasn't too long before she felt tears well up in her own eyes.

 

"Blaine, how much do you know about memory extraction?" When Blaine didn't answer for a stretch of time, Rachel continued, "Blaine?"

 

Blaine sounded devastated when he finally responded. "He didn't... please tell me he didn't."

 

"I'm sorry, Blaine." Rachel really did feel sorry for Blaine. No one should have to go through something like this, knowing that they were disliked enough that the only improvement would be full erasure from the memory of the other person.

 

"He remembered me when he answered. He's not completed it, right?"

 

"That's right."

 

"That means there's still a chance. I could still win him back and-"

 

"You can't. I won't allow it. He's much too fragile right now. You need to let him go."

 

"I can't let him go. He's the love of my life, my soulmate. You used to know what that meant." Blaine sounded bitter, not that Rachel blamed him, however his last sentence didn't make sense.

 

"What does that mean?"

 

"...Forget it." Rachel could almost hear Blaine thinking through the phone. "Would you tell him that I still love him? That if he ever changes his mind, I'll take him back?"

 

"I have to let him move on. It's for the best... Please take care of yourself, Blaine."

 

"Yeah, whatever."

 

The dial-tone echoed in Rachel's ear. She sighed and ended the call. After staring at the screen for a few moments, she made a decision. She erased Blaine's number, text message history, and all the pictures of him from the phone. Kurt couldn't move on if the temptation was there.

 

Kurt was standing near the fire escape when Rachel re-entered the room. He had bitten his fingernails nearly down to the nail-bed. "What did he say?"

 

"Nothing you need to bother yourself about. I told him about how you were going through the extraction and that he shouldn't call you again. It's for the best, Kurt."

 

Kurt didn't look too sure. "Maybe I should talk to him."

 

"You don't remember those last few fights, Kurt. I remember the look on your face when Blaine was gone all night, when he didn't call to let you know he'd be late from class. I could tell you were waiting for him to come home smelling of someone else. I could hear you arguing at night. I saw that Blaine slept on the couch more nights than with you. It wasn't healthy, Kurt."

 

Kurt's face fell. "I really thought he was the one, Rachel. What am I going to do without him?"

 

"Once the memory extraction's done, you won't remember him. You won't remember this pain. You'll continue living. You'll find someone new. You'll be okay. I'll make sure of it."

 

"Thank you for being here for me, Rachel. I don't think I could do this without you."

 

Rachel pulled Kurt over to the couch and pressed play on the DVD remote, settling them both down for a good cry.

 

* * *

 

When Kurt's phone rang a second time that night, Rachel was not in the apartment. She'd gone on a hunt for some quality bars of chocolate for Kurt to munch on. As the phone continued to ring, Kurt hesitated reaching for it. Finally, he sat up and unlocked the screen, reading "Dad" on the top of the screen.

 

"Hi, Dad."

 

"Hey, Kurt. How are you doing?"

 

Kurt nearly broke down at the sound of his father's voice. "Not good."

 

"Do you want to talk about it?"

 

Kurt wiped his nose on a Kleenex. "It's Blaine, Dad. I don't know if what I'm doing is right. I'm so confused."

 

"You're going to have to give me more. You've been pretty tight lipped about you two since you came home in May without him."

 

"I did something big, Dad."

 

"You know you can tell me anything."

 

"I'm having Blaine erased." When there was only silence on his Dad's end of the line, Kurt felt his stomach fall to his feet. "It's just-"

 

"You're an adult, Kurt. You don't need to justify yourself to me. You're my son and I love you. If you think this is the best decision than I'll stand by you on it."

 

"I don't know if I'm making the right choice, though."

 

"Why don't you tell me about what's been going on these last few months?"

 

Kurt explained everything he knew and everything he'd been told by Dr. Meyers and Rachel. His Dad asked questions when necessary, but mostly just listened. Once Kurt finished, he heard his Dad take a deep breath.

 

"I can't say that I'm happy it's come to this. You know Carole and I had hoped you two would work out. We would never want you to settle, though. If you were feeling like you weren't having the relationship you deserved, I'm glad you found a way out. This is permanent though. Kurt. Once he's gone he'll never come back."

 

"I know that, Dad."

 

"Do you, really? Kurt, the pain I felt when I lost your Mom was the worst thing I ever felt. If I'd had the choice I probably would have thought about erasing her, just to take that pain away. But you know what I would have lost? I would have lost all the good times, the moments together that made me into the person I'm proud of being, and the overwhelming happiness and love that we shared."

 

"That's why I'm not certain this is the right thing to do. I love him so much, but I just don't know if I can ever truly trust him again. I don't want to doubt him every day of my life; I can't do that to us."

 

"Whatever you decide, Carole and I will stand by you. Just make sure you're completely certain before you continuing removing memories. You can't take it back once he's gone. Remember too that I'm always here if you need to talk."

 

"Thanks, Dad."

 

"You take care of yourself. I love you."

 

"Love you, too."

 

End Notes:

**Can I just say that Burt Hummel is my favorite parent in existence? I can? Good. Because he is.**

 

**Thanks for everyone who is so nice and enthusiatic about this story. I'm excited for you guys to get into the meaty portion of this.**


	8. Chapter 8

_You know I'm not one to break promises_

_I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe_   
_At the end of it all, you're still my best friend_   
_But there's something inside that I need to release_   
_Which way is right, which way is wrong_   
_How do I say that I need to move on_   
_You know we're headed separate ways_

 

"Go back to the last memory you have of Mr. Anderson, Kurt."

 

Kurt took a deep breath as the soothing sound of Dr. Meyers' voice washed over him. He let himself fall back into last week… or was it actually four months ago? Kurt was so confused.

 

" _Close your eyes." Blaine sighed. "You have to actually close them. Don't make me have to blindfold you."_

 

" _Fine." Kurt closed his eyes. He could hear Blaine moving around their apartment, but he couldn't tell what he was doing. He jumped when he felt Blaine at his side all of the sudden._

 

" _Arms out, please."_

 

_Kurt smiled and held his arms out. "Are you going to frisk me?"_

 

_Blaine chuckled, wrapping his arms around Kurt's waist for a moment. "We're not role playing right now. I'll keep that in mind for tonight, though." Kurt felt Blaine work his arms into a jacket._

 

" _Are we going outside?"_

 

_Blaine shushed him. "If you stop guessing and start working with me, I can just show you." Blaine carefully buttoned up Kurt's jacket, giving him a quick kiss before pulling away. "I'll direct you where to go as we walk. You need to listen carefully because I won't be to blame if you trip and fall."_

 

" _You're the genius who wants to blindfold the clumsy person. It's is **entirely**  your fault if I trip."_

 

_Kurt could hear the smile in Blaine's voice "Why don't you just pay attention and we won't have to worry about you falling?"_

 

_Kurt decided to indulge his boyfriend. He held on tightly to Blaine's hand and followed him (as far as he could tell while being blindfolded) out the door, down the hallway, and up three flights of stairs. The breeze hitting his cheeks was cool. "Are we on the roof?"_

 

" _One more moment and you'll find out." Blaine said before dropping his hand and jogging a short distance away. "Don't take that blindfold off until I say so," he chastised._

 

_Kurt frowned and dropped his hands from where they'd be trying to untie the knot. After another minute, Blaine came back up to his side. "Happy Anniversary," Blaine said, pulling the knot loose. Kurt had to blink a few times once his vision was returned. He then blinked a few more times because what he saw couldn't be possible. Somehow, the roof of their apartment building had been transformed into Paris._

 

_There was a table and chairs reminiscent of the cafes of France surrounded by sparkling lights. A few fake trees circled the table and a miniature replica of the Eiffel Tower stood behind. A boombox was playing soft instrumentals in the corner. The table was laden with all of Kurt's favorite foods, a bottle of Merlot chilling in a bucket on a small table to the side. There was even a large baguette steaming in the center of the table._

 

_Kurt felt tears pool in his eyes and he took in the scene._

 

" _Is this okay?" Blaine sounded nervous after Kurt stood staring in silence for several minutes._

 

_Kurt turned to his boyfriend and launched himself into his arms, nearly toppling them both over. "This is more than okay," he said, burying his face into Blaine's neck and hugging him as tightly as he could. "This is the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me." Kurt pulled away from Blaine only far enough to smash their lips together. "I love you so much," Kurt breathed, beaming at Blaine._

 

_Blaine returned his smile. "I love you, too."_

 

"That should be plenty." Dr. Meyers pulled Kurt back from the memory.

 

Kurt could feel his heart sink when he returned back to present time. That memory had been one of the happiest in Kurt's entire life. It was now tarnished by the realization that things hadn't worked out between them. Even so, Kurt was heartbroken to give up the memory to the extraction.

 

"Once your mind is blank, I need you to go back further. Where are you?"

 

Kurt took a deep breath and settled back into his memories.

 

" _If you didn't have to worry about money, what would you want for our anniversary?"_

 

_Kurt nuzzled into Blaine's belly where he'd been resting his head for the last few minutes. "Besides you?"_

 

" _Awwwww," Blaine responded, stroking his fingers softly through Kurt's hair. "Cute."_

 

_Kurt smiled and pressed a kiss to the skin below Blaine's navel. "I don't know, trip to Paris, maybe." Kurt tried to hold back his yawn, but it still slipped out._

 

" _Yeah?" Blaine sounded contemplative._

 

" _In a perfect world where money wasn't an issue? Absolutely. Realistically, I only need you and I'll be happy."_

 

" _What about that new McQueen scarf I saw you eying last week?"_

 

" _That, too," Kurt admitted with a smile. He yawned again. "We should probably shower before I fall asleep on you. I refuse to go to sleep covered in your come... again."_

 

_Blaine smiled at him, watching for a few moments while Kurt got out of bed and then followed him to the bathroom._

 

" _So tell me, in a perfect world, what would_ _ **you**_ _want for our anniversary?" Kurt asked as he turned on the taps._

 

_Blaine scratched his chin, his cheeks going red. "Oh, I don't know."_

 

_Kurt crossed his arms over his chest. "I know that face. You want to say something, but you're afraid I'll take it the wrong way. Spit it out."_

 

_Blaine sighed. "Fine, but you asked for it." Blaine stepped forward and clasped Kurt's hands in his. "I'd love to start a family with you, get married, live in a nice house with our kids and probably a dog or two." Blaine looked embarrassed. "I know we haven't been back together that long, but that's what I'm looking forward to."_

 

_Kurt's heart swelled up. "There is no need to be embarrassed about that. I want that, too." He stepped into their now steaming shower and pulled Blaine with him. "I want everything with you." He pulled Blaine close and kissed him sweetly. "I love you so much, Blaine."_

 

" _I love you, too, more than you know. Thank you for taking me back."_

 

_Kurt looked Blaine deeply in the eyes. "I loved you too much to just let you go." After a few minutes of kissing under the spray, Blaine's body tensed underneath his hands._

 

" _Please don't make me go away," Blaine whispered, pressing himself closer to Kurt._

 

_Kurt blinked, confused. "What do you mean?"_

 

_Blaine shuddered. "You're removing me from your life, piece by piece. You didn't even ask me if that would be okay. I don't want you to forget me. I don't want you to leave me here alone."_

 

" _Blaine, you're scaring me. I'm not leaving you. What's gotten into you?" Kurt cupped Blaine's face in his hands so that he could look at him closely._

 

_Blaine was shivering, his face so heartbroken. "I didn't even do anything wrong, not after that first time. Why am I still being punished? You said you forgave me."_

 

" _I don't know what you're talking about. Blaine, please-"_

 

"Kurt, Kurt, I need you to come back to me."

 

Kurt was jolted out of the memory at the insistent shaking of Dr. Meyers. It took him a few seconds to register where he was. "What happened?"

 

"You were getting too deep. I tried to pull you out several times, but you were gone. Where were you?"

 

Kurt shook his head. "I was in that memory, the one from a few days before our anniversary. How much did you hear?"

 

Dr. Meyers looked back at her notes. "You had just told him that you loved him too much to let him go and then you just stopped. I could tell you were getting upset and that you were still in the memory, but I couldn't pull you out."

 

Kurt felt his breath catch in his throat. "It was like I wasn't in the memory anymore, not really. Blaine was there, but he wasn't himself. He kept telling me I was removing him, punishing him for something he didn't do. He never said that to me, especially not on that day. Nothing like that ever happened before. What's going on? Why am I seeing things that never happened?" Kurt could feel a cold sweat break out over his body.

 

Dr. Meyers sighed. "The brain is a complex organ. Memories can get clouded, changed by emotion. I know you were having reservations about continuing this process; I think this was your subconscious way of fighting the extraction. I think we need to have another talk about whether you actually want to continue this or not. I don't feel comfortable removing him from your memory when your body is obviously fighting this. I'm going to go grab you a glass of water. When I'm back, we'll talk about this."


	9. Chapter 9

_And it feels like I am just too close to love you_

  
_There's nothing I can really say_   
_I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more_   
_Got to be true to myself_   
_And it feels like I am just too close to love you_   
_So I'll be on my way_   
_You gave me more that I can return_   
_Yet there's so much that you deserve_   
_Nothing to say, nothing to do,_   
_I've nothing to give_   
_I must leave without you_   
_You know we're headed separate ways_   


 

 

Kurt took a sip from the water bottle, glancing around at Dr. Meyers' credentials hung on the wall. She was certified in multiple areas of psychology and neurology, he noted, and she was mother to three very beautiful girls according to the pictures hung between the diplomas.

 

"Tell me how you're feeling, Kurt."

 

"I honestly don't know. Tell me, if I were to tell you that in less than a year, you and your husband would break up for good, what would you say to me? Would it matter if I explained what happens? Give you details of the fights? Would you believe me when I say you would want him erased?"

 

"No, I wouldn't," Dr. Meyers responded.

 

"That's where I'm at right now. I love Blaine. He's my everything. I just can't believe that any jealousy or doubt could shake that love for him. He made a mistake, everyone knows that, but I trust him. He'll never do it again. I saw how much it broke him down, he'd never put us through that again." Kurt put his head in his hands and sighed. "I'm so confused."

 

Dr. Meyers set down her pad of paper and scooted her chair closer. "I told you before that we'd stop this the moment you decided it was over. Do you want to stop?"

 

"If I do, won't everything go back to the way it was? Won't I start doubting him again? Won't I start questioning where he is at all times? What could possibly stop the past from happening again?"

 

"Unfortunately, there's nothing to stop what happened from happening again. There's a reason it happened in the first place."

 

Kurt sighed. "Rachel said I was a mess those last few weeks. I don't know if I can make myself go through all that again. Maybe it's best I just remove him. I just want this pain to go away."

 

"Are you certain?" Dr. Meyers studied Kurt closely.

 

"Yes," Kurt's voice was more confident than he felt.

 

"Okay. Let's get you through a few more memories and we'll get started on extracting."

 

* * *

 

"How'd it go, Kurt?"

 

Kurt looked up from where he was searching through his tote outside of Dr. Meyers' room. The extraction today had gone smoothly (according to Dr Peterson and Dr. Meyers) and the post-extraction therapy session had gone remarkably well. "Good?"

 

Rachel smiled. "That's great to hear! After last time, I thought we were going to have to start stocking up on ice cream."

 

"Why?"

 

"Oh right, you don't remember... you were really upset after the procedure last time so you binged on ice cream. Things are good today, though?"

 

Kurt nodded slowly. "Yeah, I mean it's not too hard to realize why I'm getting rid of Blaine. It's probably the best decision I've made in a while."

 

"Really?" Rachel looked really confused. "What exactly do you remember, Kurt?" She followed him as they made their way out of the hospital.

 

"Well, I'm attending NYADA and finishing up my internship at Vogue. I'm dating Adam and I'm pretty happy. The only thing bringing me down is Blaine. Every time I see him it hurts and I just can't take it anymore. I hate to think what will happen when we go to Mr. Schue's wedding, but I guess we'll see when we get there."

 

Rachel's face fell. "Kurt, you do realize that has already happened?"

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"It's July, Kurt. You did go to Mr. Schuester's wedding. You're not dating Adam anymore, either."

 

"What?" Kurt stumbled, turning to face Rachel. "What happened with Adam?"

 

"Short story – Blaine happened. You and he hooked up at the wedding and you dumped Adam not too long after. You've been dating Blaine again for the last year."

 

"I need to sit down." Kurt plopped onto a bench on the sidewalk. "Why didn't Dr. Meyers tell me any of this in our therapy session? I told her about Adam and the upcoming wedding and all my concerns and she just nodded."

 

"She probably didn't want you to react the way you're reacting right now. You look like you're about to pass out."

 

"Of course I'm about to pass out!" Kurt bit out, glaring at Rachel. "Blaine ripped my heart out when he cheated. There's no way I could ever trust him again and that kills me because I can't stop loving him. Why would I  _ever_  want to take him back? What could he ever have done to deserve my trust?"

 

"Don't yell at me, Kurt!" Rachel put her hands on her hips. "I'm just trying to be helpful."

 

Kurt felt guilty. "Sorry."

 

"It's okay, I know you're horribly confused." She put a hand on Kurt's back and rubbed it up and down. "I don't know what finally changed your mind to take him back, but these questions you're asking? Those are the reason why you're going through this extraction. Even though you thought you could trust him, you never ended up being able to trust him completely."

 

"Will this ever not be confusing?" Kurt pouted, chin in his hands.

 

"Once it's all done, you'll be a new man, I guarantee it." She held out her hand to him. "Now, you promised me a trip to see 'Funny Girl'. You need to tell me how much better I played Fanny Brice than the girl they replaced me with."

 

Kurt broke out into a smile. "You played Fanny on Broadway?"

 

"Right, you forgot that, too." Rachel huffed. "She's going to put those memories back, right? They never taped it and my performance is not one to be forgotten."

 

"She said everything but Blaine would be put back once everything was done."

 

"Good." Rachel shook her head. "We'll have to make do with the memories you  _do_  have for now. You can still critique the girl though, right?"

 

"I'm sure she's atrocious." Kurt looped his arm through Rachel's and they started making their way back to the apartment.

 

* * *

 

"Remember when Finn got so confused when he realized that 'Funny Girl' wasn't a comedy?" Kurt chuckled, biting into his fry that was doused in ketchup.

 

Rachel cocked her head to the side. "Vaguely, why?"

 

"Vaguely? You threatened to not have sex with him for a month, you were so pissed."

 

Rachel's brow furrowed. "What are you talking about, Kurt? Why would I have sex with Finn? He's your brother." She sounded disgusted.

 

"I know he's my brother, but he's also your soul mate. I'm sure you're going to get married any day now."

 

Rachel looked concerned. "Are you sure they haven't changed your memories while they're removing Blaine? Finn is definitely not my soul mate. Besides, he died last year." Rachel looked like she had said too much.

 

Kurt's eyes widened. "He died?" He sounded horrified. "When? How?"

 

"I'm so sorry, Kurt. It was the summer of 2013. You never really liked to talk about it, so I never asked how he died. I just know it really messed you and your family up. Blaine was hit pretty hard, too. I'm sad that I never knew Finn better, he seemed like a great guy."

 

The news of Finn's death was so out of left field that Kurt didn't even process it. All he could focus on was Rachel's blasé attitude about Finn. "Rachel, what the hell is going on? Why are you acting like this? You and Finn dated for  _years_! Why are you pretending like he means nothing to you?"

 

"What are you going on about, Kurt? Finn and I were nothing more than co-captains of Glee Club. Heck, we hardly ever talk to each other outside of Glee Club. We didn't even share any classes. Do you think we need to call Dr. Meyers back? Are you having a reaction to the extraction?"

 

Kurt fell back into the couch, hand going to his forehead and scrubbing furiously. "I feel like my life is spiraling out of control. Nothing makes sense anymore." He reached into his pocket for his phone and speed-dialed two (he noted absently that speed-dial one was not linked to a number anymore, but he'd think on that later). The person on the other end picked up immediately.

 

"Kurt?"

 

"Hi, Dad."

 

"You sound upset, did something happen?"

 

Kurt sniffled, his body curling up in on himself. "I had more memories taken away and they- they..." he broke off, unable to continue for a moment. "-they took another year from me. I have no idea what happened in my life for  _two_   _years._ Rachel said Finn died, please tell me that's not true." Kurt's voice was broken with half choked back sobs.

 

"Oh, bud, I'm so sorry." Burt sighed. "It was hard enough the first time, you shouldn't have to relive that again."

 

"Oh god, he can't be gone." Kurt started sobbing. "I c-can't deal wi-with this alone. I can't even...R-Rachel acts like she doesn't even kn-know him. I'm s-so confused."

 

"Do you need me to fly up there?"

 

Kurt shook his head, saying 'no' when he realized his Dad couldn't see him. "It's too much money. I can't ask you to do that."

 

"You shouldn't have to deal with this alone. At the very least I can explain about Rachel. This procedure that you're going through with Blaine, she had the same done with Finn. His death was too much for her to deal with so she had him erased. They kept memories of him from school since you would be bringing him up from time to time, but she lost all of her personal memories."

 

"Oh, god." Kurt looked over at Rachel who was regarding him with distanced sympathy.

 

"You know what, I'm coming up. I don't want you to be alone right now."

 

"There's no point, Dad. Once all the memories are removed on Saturday, they said they'd put everything else back. I should be back to normal... or as close to normal as I can be with huge chunks of memory missing. I'll just have to get through the rest of the week."

 

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Burt didn't sound convinced.

 

"I'm sure. Thanks for always answering when I call, Dad."

 

"You're welcome. You take care of yourself, Kurt."

 

"Love you."

 

"Love you, too."

 

Kurt blew his nose into a kleenex after he'd hung up.

 

"Is there anything I can do for you, Kurt?" Rachel asked from where she was still perched on their couch.

 

"Dr. Meyers said I need to get rid of anything that reminds me of Blaine. Not just objects, but software, too. I need to get rid of all those playlists we created together, our emails and texts, our pictures, everything. She said even the smallest thing could trigger a relapse."

 

"I'll help. Where would you like me to start?"

 

Kurt took a deep breath; it was going to be a long night.

 

End Notes:

**Current count of chapters for this story is 36. The boys keep changing things on me so I have to keep adding chapters in to make the developments fit. As always, reviews always help me know what you do and don't like. For those that feel like the process of extraction is taking too long or getting monotonous, Chapter 13 is where things change drastically. Chapter 20 is where things change up again as well.**

 

**Thanks for all the follows, favorites, and lovely reviews :)**


	10. Chapter 10

_Here we are, standing at the finish line_

_And I swear it's like we came a million miles  
And if I take one more step I will forget the rivers we've crossed  
Our happy ending will be lost if we say goodbye_

 

 

"How are you feeling today, Kurt?"

 

Kurt smiled. "I'm good. I don't really get why I'm here, though. I mean, I know I'm here having memories erased, but I don't seem to remember why."

 

"We've reached the point in our process where you're just going to have to believe me that what you're doing is for the best and not question it."

 

Kurt frowned. "Why is that?"

 

Dr. Meyers seemed to ignore his question. "You were telling me a little bit about Blaine yesterday; remind me again what it was you said had happened recently."

 

Kurt beamed. "He sang a solo version of 'As Long As You're Mine' over Skype yesterday. We've had some struggles since I moved to New York, but we've been good. Our love is getting us through. He has a plane ticket to come see me in three weeks, so I'm very excited." He noticed a slight grimace on Dr. Meyers face. "I'm sorry, does that bother you?" Kurt frowned, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Don't tell me I lucked into a homophobic doctor."

 

"Oh, no, I'm so sorry. I wasn't upset about what you were saying. That was very sweet of him to do for you. I'm the farthest thing from homophobic, if I may be frank with you. I'm bisexual and have been fighting for equality both in society and the LGBTQ community my whole life. Who would have thought that my marrying a man would make it unacceptable to be considered part of the community? When I was dating a girl, the community said that I was 'choosing to be gay' like I was envious of them or something. When I was dating a guy, they said that I was just 'pretending to be queer'. I was never good enough for anyone."

 

"Wow, I feel silly now. I'm so sorry for assuming you were-"

 

"It's okay, Kurt. I just feel awful that you have to go through this procedure. You seem like you are really happy right now. I wish I could let you stay here."

 

"I have the feeling you're not telling me something, something big. I feel like I should know before you take anything else from me."

 

"You're going to have to trust me and believe that not knowing is going to be better in the long run."

 

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I'm not losing anything more until you tell me why this is happening." Kurt crossed his arms over his chest. He could be extremely stubborn when he wanted to be.

 

"Okay. The person you are extracting from your memories is Blaine Anderson."

 

"What? You're joking."

 

"I'm not." Dr. Meyers rifled through her folder and pulled out a single piece of paper. "This is the paperwork you put together on the day you came to start this procedure."

 

Kurt took the paper and glanced down at it, reading the words, but not quite absorbing them.  _"July 23, 2015. I, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, have chosen to undertake Memory Extraction of my fiancé, Blaine Devon Anderson, the reason being history of infidelity which I have been unable to forget and truly forgive. Only by forgetting him can I ever truly move past the betrayal and pain."_

 

"This has to be a joke." Kurt looked back up at Dr. Meyers. "It's 2012. Blaine and I aren't engaged. There's been no 'infidelity'." The word felt strange on Kurt's tongue.

 

"This is why I wanted you to trust me and not ask questions, Kurt. It is currently August 3rd, 2015. When you came into my office, you had been engaged to Mr. Anderson for four months. According to the memories you shared with me, Mr. Anderson had an affair in the fall of 2012 that you never fully got over, even after giving him a second chance. You came here so that you could remove his memory and finally move on."

 

_Fall 2012? That's right now. He's going to cheat on me now? Or he already has, I guess… this is too confusing._ Kurt felt like his world had been flipped upside down. "Who does he sleep with?" he asked quietly.

 

Dr. Meyers flipped back through her notes. "You never gave a name. You just said it was someone you didn't know, someone Mr. Anderson had met on an LGBTQ Facebook group."

 

"Did I say why?"

 

"Why he cheated?" At Kurt's nod, she flipped some more. "He said you were growing apart and that he felt you never made time for him anymore. You said that he felt he was left behind and that he wasn't good enough for you. He felt like you were going to leave him for someone better."

 

"So he left me first, is that it?" Kurt bristled.

 

"I don't know the circumstances that lead to the affair, I just know that you were not able to make the long distance relationship work."

 

"Well, this is just fabulous." Kurt stood up, grabbing his coat from the chair next to him.

 

"Kurt?" Dr. Meyers questioned.

 

"I'm going home. I need some time to think about all this."

 

"Okay. Make sure to be back here at 8:00 tomorrow morning."

 

Kurt nodded and left the office.

 

* * *

 

When Kurt got home, he was thankful that Rachel had class to get to, leaving him home alone to cycle through everything. Kurt flopped himself onto his bed, his face buried into his pillows.  _Blaine is going to cheat on me... he_ _ **has**_ _cheated on me... but not where I am now..._  Kurt groaned and smooshed his face harder into the pillows, cutting his airway off until his lungs burned.

 

He turned his head to the side and gasped in breaths of air, his body heaving with silent sobs. His world was nothing like he thought it was and he felt so lost and broken. Before Blaine, life had been dull and lifeless and full of pain. All he could think about was getting out of this sorry town.

 

After Blaine came into his life, he had reason to go through each day and to make the most of himself. It wasn't just about getting out and getting away. It was about making a life with someone else, of growing together.

 

Apparently they'd grown apart, not together. Blaine had never given any indication that he'd stray. They'd made promises to always be there for each other. Nothing made sense anymore. If only he could understand why Blaine cheated, maybe he'd be able to make this awful pain go away.

 

Kurt wiggled his hand into his pocket and eased his cell phone out. After unlocking the main screen, he speed-dialed one, frowning when it didn't call Blaine. He pulled up his contact list and felt his heart jerk when he saw that Blaine's contact information had been deleted. Thankfully, he'd long ago memorized Blaine's number.

 

After entering the ten digits, his finger hovered over the call button. Why did he feel like this was a horrible decision? He shook his head, pressing the call button and putting the phone up to his ear. Belatedly, he realized he probably should have thought up a plan for if Blaine answered.  _To always pick up your call no matter what I'm doing._ Blaine would answer.

 

The phone rang only once before an incredulous Blaine answered. "Kurt, oh my god, is that really you?"

 

"I need you to listen and not interrupt." Kurt had never sounded so commanding before.

 

"Okay," Blaine breathed out.

 

Kurt took a deep breath. "I don't know how much you know about what I'm going through right now. Hell, I don't know if  _I_ know what I'm going through. I'm missing years of my life right now. Frankly, that sucks. I mean, I don't even know who I really am. Last I knew, you were going to come visit me here in New York for the first time. We were happy." Kurt bit back the whimper that wanted to come out of his throat. He listened to Blaine's hitched breathing on the other end of the line. He could sense that Blaine had a lot to say, but he was holding back at Kurt's request. "They said you cheated on me. I don't understand what could ever make you want to do something horrible like that. What happened to us?"

 

"I don't know." Blaine groaned, clearly distressed. "I've spent years trying to figure out why I gave myself to someone else and I have no answer. All I know is how much I hate myself for what I did to you."

 

"We always promised to be true to each other. To love each other forever. To never let anyone come between us."

 

" _I know._ I can never communicate how sorry I am for it. I'm going to regret it every day of my life." They both fell silent, unsure and unable to say the things they needed today. Finally, Blaine spoke up once more. "Kurt, I love you so much. I don't want to lose you. Is there any way I can convince you to stop the extraction?"

 

"No."

 

Blaine gave a wry laugh. "I didn't think so. It's really over, isn't it?" Blaine had the tone of a man who had given up.

 

Kurt sighed. "It is. This will be the last time – you won't be hearing from me again. Goodbye, Blaine."  _I'll never say goodbye to you_.

 

The line died without a response from Blaine. Kurt dropped the phone to his bed and curled into himself, crying himself to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

_Why can't we move it on back to once upon a time?_

_What about the way our fable wasn't fiction?_

_It was real to you, it was real to me_

_So maybe our love was the love that comes from fiction_

_We were never sure of what we were but we knew we could never be_

 

 

_Kurt bucked up into Blaine's fist, struggling to keep his own hand moving up and down Blaine's cock at a steady pace. He'd long since moved from coherency to a lust-filled haze of_ _**good god** _ _and_ _**please don't ever stop** _ _._ _Blaine was whimpering, his forehead creased with concentration. Kurt could hear himself grunt as he pushed his cock up and down in Blaine's grasp, his body tightening up and heating to an intense blaze._

 

" _Kurt_ _," Blaine cried out, his honeyed gaze shooting up to meet Kurt's own and that was what set Kurt off, his body spasming nearly out of control._

 

_Kurt's arms shot out and wrapped around Blaine, pulling him close through the aftershocks. Blaine's arms weakly returned the embrace, his face burying itself into Kurt's shoulder, his lips pressing lazy kisses wherever was nearest. Kurt's heart was beating erratically against his chest and so full of love. They laid in silence for a few minutes, their breaths slowing down and their heartbeats returning to normal. "I love you."_

 

_Blaine pulled away from Kurt's shoulder to beam at Kurt. "I love you, too." Normally, sweat cooling on his body made Kurt cringe, but Kurt couldn't be bothered to feel anything except overwhelming love and happiness. "Is it weird that I want to say 'thank you'?" Blaine asked, a sheepish smile on his face._

 

" _What are you thanking me for?" Kurt scratched lightly up and down the back of Blaine's neck._

 

_Blaine's cheeks colored slightly. "Not for..._ _**that** _ _. Not that I didn't mean it was good... I mean, it was great and... I just... Thank you for making this special." Blaine rubbed his thumb across Kurt's bare hip bone. "I can't begin to explain how sorry I was for pushing you at the club when we both weren't ready, especially when I had said I wanted to wait until we were both comfortable. I'm still so disgusted that I-"_

 

" _Don't be."_

 

_Blaine shook his head. "You told me to stop and I still pushed. You shouldn't have to yell at me to make me get the picture. I never should have drank and I certainly shouldn't have been dancing with someone else."_

 

" _Even if we'd never said it aloud, we both planned on heading back here after Scandals, so there was no reason at first for you to expect me to not be receptive. We both knew what we had wanted to happen that night, so I don't blame you for not being able to tell at first that I didn't want to anymore, especially with how intoxicated you were."_

 

" _That's still no excuse," Blaine whispered, blinking back a tear. "You should never have to say 'no' more than once."_

 

" _No, I shouldn't. You were drunk and you didn't listen and that's not okay."_

 

_Blaine's face fell. He pulled his arms away from Kurt. "I'm so sorry, Kurt."_

 

" _I know." Kurt gave him a small smile and pulled Blaine's hands back onto his body. "We're best friends and I love you and the point of it all is that I was never scared that you'd do something more than I was ready for. It hurt when you didn't listen and I won't forgive you if it happens again because we both know better now."_

 

_Blaine nodded his agreement._

 

" _You're right that I shouldn't have to yell to get my point across, but you did stop when I asked you to. We've learned the importance of communication so that this will never happen again. It's done and over with. Let's just focus on the good, okay?"_

 

" _Okay." Blaine smiled._

 

_Kurt took a deep breath and dropped his gaze from Blaine's, still unable to talk about sex while looking at him. "I was thinking maybe we could try that again?" He raised his eyes hopefully to Blaine's, knowing his cheeks were bright red._

 

"Okay, Kurt. Come back to me." Dr. Meyers' voice was like cold water on Kurt's overheated body. Kurt blinked his eyes open, knowing his body was overheating with a blush. "Why don't we skip ahead to the next morning?"

 

Kurt nodded, grateful she wouldn't make him tell her about anymore sexual moments than was strictly necessary, especially his first time with Blaine.

 

When Kurt went back under, he found himself in the Anderson kitchen, a big fluffy robe wrapped tightly around his frame.

 

_Kurt's eyes never left Blaine, who was making a large stack of pancakes for the both of them to share. Kurt was finishing up the bowl of cereal they'd prepared earlier in the morning. It had gotten soggy, having been set aside while they made out in the kitchen for several long minutes._

 

" _Would you like blueberries in yours?" Blaine asked over his shoulder._

 

" _Yes, please." Kurt smiled as Blaine shuffled over to the fridge, his sweat pants slung low on his hips, an apron tied tightly around his small waist. He really was the most gorgeous boy he'd ever seen. He was so lucky to call Blaine his own._

 

" _Please say you'll find me after I'm gone."_

 

_The spoon of cereal Kurt was holding stopped halfway to his mouth. "Excuse me?"_

 

_Blaine turned from the fridge to face, Kurt. "When I'm gone, I want you to come find me again." He spoke as if he were commenting on the weather._

 

_Kurt frowned. "What do you mean 'when I'm gone'? Is this some kind of game?"_

 

" _I've tried several times to get you to stop, but you keep sending me away. We don't have much longer, so I need you to promise me that you'll come for me."_

 

" _Blaine, you're scaring me." Kurt stood up and walked over to his boyfriend. "Please don't say these things. What is going on?"_

 

_Blaine shook his head. "You're going to wake up soon and see that doctor. They'll take me from you. It's not fair."_

 

_Kurt took Blaine's face in his hands. "That doesn't make sense. I'm not seeing a doctor. I'm not asleep."_

 

"Kurt, you need to wake up."

 

_Kurt froze at the sound of a female's voice echoing from above them. "What was that?"_

 

" _Don't listen to her. Don't leave me, Kurt!" Blaine cried out frantically. "We don't have that many memories left to lose."_

 

" _Blaine, I-"_

 

"Kurt!"

 

" _Kurt!" Blaine grabbed Kurt's face in his hands and forced Kurt to look him in the eyes. "There's not much time left. Please, don't let her take me away from you. I love you and I am trying to fight for you. Please give me a chance."_

 

" _I'm so scared," Kurt whimpered, tears falling down his face. He threw himself into Blaine's arms and buried his face in Blaine's neck. "Don't let me go, Blaine."_

 

"Kurt!"

 

Kurt shot up, finally released from the memory… not that it could even be called that. It took him a few seconds to realize where he was. Dr. Meyers' concerned face was right next to him, her hands still on his shoulders from where she'd apparently been shaking him. "What happened?" Kurt asked, breathless, his heart beating a mile a minute.

 

"You were gone again, fifteen minutes this time." This morning, Dr. Meyers had told him about the risk of Kurt getting too deep into his memories. She'd mentioned that he'd been lost to his memories three times since they started doing Kurt's extraction. Each time Kurt had gotten pulled under, he'd been gone for longer periods of time.

 

"It was so weird. I was reliving the memory and suddenly it was like Blaine had changed. He started saying all these things about making him go away and asking me not to wake up." Kurt bit his lip. "He knew about you and what I was doing, but that doesn't make sense. He was part of my memory. He never said those things. How is he doing this?"

 

Dr. Meyers frowned and shook her head. "It's not actually him, Kurt. It's your subconscious trying to tell you things in the only way it knows how."

 

"It seemed so real." Kurt wrapped his arms around himself. "It's clear that my mind is fighting this. I don't think I want to do this anymore."

 

"It's too late, Kurt. We're on our last two sessions. You only have one more set of memories to go through and then the process will be complete. It's for the best." She reached out and patted Kurt's knee.

 

He flinched at the contact. "But it's not too late. I have the right to stop this at any time I want."

 

Dr. Meyers fiddled with her notepad, finally pulling out a piece of paper. "Unfortunately, during our last session you gave up that right." She presented him with a signed document.  _'I, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, give up all rights to Dr. Maureen Lisa Meyers for all medical care regarding the extraction of Blaine Devon Anderson.'_  "We made the decision together. You realized that you'd become unfit to make any decisions about this matter, so we transferred medical decisions to me."

 

Kurt frowned. "I can't believe that I would give up that right."

 

"That's why we wrote it down. You said it was the only way you'd believe if you questioned it later."

 

"I can't help but feel like there's something wrong with this. Shouldn't this make me feel better? Why do I feel like I'm doing something wrong?"

 

"Everyone feels this way towards the end of the process; it's completely normal. Everything will feel so much better when we're done. You'll be a new man."

 

Kurt's phone vibrating in his pocket made him jump. "Excuse me a moment." He pulled out his phone and swiped the screen to unlock it. ' _August 5_ _th_ _– Remember to buy flowers for Blaine's opening night'_  Kurt put his hand to his mouth to stifle his whimper.

 

"What is it?"

 

Kurt looked up at the doctor. "I just have the feeling that if I keep doing this, I'll be making the hugest mistake of my life."

 

"I know it feels that way right now, but that's not the way you felt when we started this. I've been doing this for many years, Kurt; you can trust me."

 

Kurt rubbed a hand over his forehead, sighing. "This really is the best choice?"

 

She nodded. "Go home. Take a nice long rest. We can do the extraction later tonight and then we'll work through the rest of your memories tomorrow. By this weekend, you'll be starting your new life."

 

Kurt bid the doctor farewell and trudged his way home, feeling lost and so very broken.

 

End Notes:

**To those who were complaining that I'm spending too long on this extraction process, next chapter is where it all ends and the newer part of the story begins**.

 

**Thanks again for all the reviewing and follows and favorites.**

 

**The next chapter should be up soon.**

 

**Also, OMFG KLAINE IS BACK ON AND GETTING MARRIED AND BLAINE YOU ARE THE BEST PROPOSER IN THE WORLD AND BURT HUMMEL YOU ARE THE BEST FATHER EVER.**


	12. Chapter 12

_Just when I realized the error of my ways_

_You slipped between my fingertips_

_I was a fool, I was stuck in such bliss_

_Wish I could grant you your first kiss_

_Sorrow only grows if I try to forget_

_You're an eternal part of me_

 

 

Swarms of boys in uniforms rushed past Kurt. If he was going to spy on the Dalton Glee Club, he'd have to first figure out where they practiced. He called out to a boy passing him, "Hi. Excuse me. Can I ask you a question? I'm new here."

 

The boy that turned around nearly knocked Kurt off his feet. He was, in a word, gorgeous. Startling golden eyes shined up at him under thick black eyebrows. Even though they were strangers, the other boy's eyes shone with warmth, directing his entire attention at Kurt.

 

The boy held his hand out to Kurt. "My name's Blaine."

 

It took a second for Kurt to respond. "Kurt. So what exactly is going on?"

 

Blaine's expression dropped. "You're leaving me."

 

"Excuse me?" Kurt couldn't help but be confused at Blaine's words.

 

"You're erasing your memories. This is the last one, the day we met. Once you erase this one, I'll be gone... forever." Blaine looked so terribly sad. Kurt wanted to reach out and hold him, comfort him, but they were strangers, weren't they? What was Blaine talking about? Why did he trust Blaine with everything he had?

 

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

 

"You just have to trust me." Blaine held out his hand to Kurt. "If you don't follow this memory to its completion, you won't go back to present time. You can keep this memory and we can be together. Come on, I know a shortcut."

 

Kurt studied Blaine, the boy who was looking at him with such love and devotion and he decided to follow him. He reached out and gripped Blaine's hand and followed him off the staircase and out the doors of Dalton.

 

Instead of emerging into the sunlit gardens of Dalton Academy, Kurt was hit with bright fluorescent light. Kurt frowned when he realized they'd entered the Lima Bean. "How- what are we doing here?"

 

"It's kind of our place." Blaine kept tugging Kurt forward, picking up a cup off the counter and passing it to Kurt. "Grande non-fat Mocha."

 

"You know my coffee order?"

 

Blaine didn't respond. Instead, he picked up another coffee cup and pulled Kurt towards the exit of the Lima Bean. "We can't stay here long. They'll know to look here for you. I'm not ready to let you go yet."

 

Kurt couldn't help but be more confused. "Who are 'they' that you keep mentioning? How did we end up here? This coffee shop isn't anywhere near Dalton. Where are you taking-"

 

Kurt's speech died off when, after leaving the Lima Bean, they were in a completely different location once more. The cup that had been in Kurt's hand had disappeared. "Is this... Are we in Central Park?"

 

Blaine nodded, but didn't answer any of Kurt's other questions. He pulled Kurt over to a more private area of the park, somewhere where they wouldn't be bothered by the people milling around. "I know it won't make sense, but you have to believe me. You and I know each other. We've been dating for a long time now, but something bad happened. You decided to get rid of all our memories and I... I can't let that happen. I can't say goodbye to you, not like this."

 

Kurt shook his head. "None of this makes any sense. I just met you today. How can I remove memories if I've never had them in the first place?"

 

Blaine sighed. "You did have memories, years of them, but they're all gone now, save for this last one. It took me until now to realize we could fight it. We just have to keep moving so that they can't find us. The deeper and farther we go, the harder it will be to pull you out. You don't remember it, but you did love me. You could love me again." Blaine cupped Kurt's cheeks in his hands and stepped closer to him. "Where you are right now," Blaine whispered, looking deep into Kurt's eyes, "you've never been kissed, not by a boy." It was a statement, not a question.

 

Kurt could only nod, breath taken from him at Blaine's closeness.

 

"You have, though. You've just lost the memories. Please say you'll let me try to bring them back." Kurt felt his eyes flutter shut as Blaine leaned forward, lips pressing softly to his own. Warmth flowed through Kurt's body and he could feel the corners of his mouth tilt up into a smile when Blaine pulled back. His breath was hot against Kurt's lips which were tingling. "I love you so much, Kurt Hummel. More than you'll ever know."

 

Kurt felt himself lean forward, capturing Blaine's lips with his own. A feeling of  _right_  washed over him and he felt his lips part, sucking the very breath from Blaine's lungs as the boy gasped. His hands curled around Blaine's biceps as he pressed their bodies together, their hearts beating together. " _Blaine_ ," Kurt rasped out as they pulled apart.

 

"Do you remember?" Blaine looked so hopeful.

 

Kurt squeezed Blaine's arms. "Not anything specific. Everything just feels right with you. I can't explain it. I've never been in love, but I feel like I could love you."

 

Blaine smiled. "Being in love is the best feeling in the world." The sky around them darkened. Blaine frowned as he looked up at it, squeezing Kurt's hand. "We need to keep moving."

 

Blaine started them walking again. In between blinks, Kurt and Blaine were transported to another location. Somehow they had moved into the park down the road from Kurt's house.

 

"We told each other 'I love you' for the first time in this park." Blaine sat down on a swing, indicating that Kurt should sit next to him. Kurt used his toe to push himself into a slow back and forth on the swing, eyes never leaving Blaine's face. "Do you know what I thought when I first saw you?" Blaine asked, smiling at Kurt.

 

Kurt shook his head.

 

"I thought you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen."

 

Kurt felt his cheeks color with a blush. "You're not too bad yourself," Kurt admitted quietly.

 

Blaine stood up off the swing and stepped in front of Kurt, catching the chains and slowing Kurt to a stop. He again cupped Kurt's face in his hands, but this time he made no move to kiss him. It was as if he was trying to memorize Kurt's face, down to the last freckle. "I'm so lucky to have had you stumble into my life. I don't know what I'd have done without you, Kurt."

 

When the wind picked up suddenly, Blaine helped Kurt off the swing and jogged with him towards the parking lot. As they stepped foot onto the concrete, they were transported to another place; for the first time, it was a place Kurt didn't recognize.

 

He looked to Blaine for explanation. "If we continue going to places you've been, they'll keep finding us. We can hide in my memories for a while." They were in a brightly lit room, the walls covered in little horses.

 

"So, I've never been here before?"

 

Blaine shook his head. "This was my old house in Michigan. We're in my old bedroom. Coop and I used to spend hours in here singing and choreographing routines." Blaine had a fond smile on his face. "This was where I had my happiest memories growing up."

 

Kurt glanced around the room curiously, seeing pictures of what he assumed were young Blaine and whoever this 'Coop' was scattered around the room. "Coop?"

 

"My brother."

 

"Do you have many siblings?"

 

"Just the one, same as you."

 

Kurt looked confused. "I'm sorry?"

 

"Oh, right, Burt hasn't married Carole yet where you are now."

 

"They get married?" Kurt felt his mouth tilt up into a smile. "Go, Dad."

 

Both boys turned to look when the door to the room opened on its own. "They found us." Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand and pulled them towards the window. When Kurt blinked the sun out of his eyes, they were on a stage in an auditorium. "Is this McKinley?"

 

Blaine nodded. "It's the night I won the Presidential Debate. You weren't here, so they shouldn't be able to find us for awhile."

 

Kurt grabbed both of Blaine hands in his and stared at him. He really was gorgeous and his eyes were so warm and loving. If only Kurt could remember him. Both of them leaned into a kiss, wrapping their arms around each other and holding on tight. "I wish we could stay here forever," Kurt whispered when they pulled apart.

 

Blaine smiled sadly at him. "We can. We just have to keep running away and not ever look back."

 

"You do realize you just quoted Katy Perry, right?" Kurt asked, giggling quietly. When Blaine didn't return his smile, Kurt bit his lip. "I wish I could know you better. It's like you're everything I've ever been looking for all in one person."

 

"You're not going to stay, are you?"

 

Kurt shook his head. "I don't know you. I want to, but this isn't right. This isn't real life, Blaine. I want to see my Dad and my friends, and that won't happen while we're here. I'm sorry."

 

"I know. It was worth a try. You are everything to me. I just wish I could have been enough."

 

"Blaine, I-" Kurt trailed off when Blaine seemingly froze in place. "Blaine?"

 

When Blaine stayed motionless, Kurt felt his heart drop. Starting at the top of the boy's tamed curls, his body started disappearing, and Kurt could do nothing but stare as Blaine faded from existence. He was shocked to feel tears rolling slowly down his face, his heart shattering as the boy he'd met but somehow already knew and cared for was gone. "Blaine?"

 

Kurt looked around the empty stage. He was completely alone.  _Where did… what was his name again? I shouldn't have already forgotten his name. I just met him at… where did I meet him again? What is happening? Where-_

 

The lights on the stage turned on blindingly bright and Kurt had to close his eyes to stop the burning. When he opened them, he found that he'd moved again. He was alone, strapped to a table underneath the dome of the MRI.

 

End Notes:

**For those wonder where this story is going, I'll give you a little idea. Chapter 13 deals with a little of the aftermath of Kurt finally extracting Blaine completely, then we switch to Blaine for 6 chapters to see his side of things. Then it's back to Kurt and the start of his new life without Blaine. Where I am right now, there are 38 total chapters so we've only just scratched the surface of this story.**

 

**As always, thanks for the reviews and follows and favorites and thank you for sticking with me. I'm excited for you guys to see where this goes.**


	13. Chapter 13

_Well, I never saw it coming, I should've started running_

  
_A long, long time ago_   
_And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you_   
_More than you, more than you know_   
_I'm slowly getting closure, I guess it's really over_   
_I'm finally getting better_   
_And now I'm picking up the pieces, I'm spending all of these years_   
_Putting my heart back together_   
_'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through, I got over you_   


 

 

"Sit down; take a load off, Kurt." Rachel pushed him onto the couch.

 

"What did you say I was doing there, again?"

 

Rachel sighed. "You volunteered to have your brain examined by them for their study."

 

"Why don't I remember this?"

 

She put her hands on her hips. "Don't ask me, I don't know how your brain works."

 

"Isn't it weird that I signed up for a brain scan but I don't  _remember_  signing up?"

 

Rachel flopped herself onto the couch next to him. "Well, tell me the last thing you remember and maybe I can walk you through what happened."

 

"Well, I just moved back a week ago so I was unpacking my clothes."

 

Rachel looked at him with an odd expression. "Really? Remind me why you moved out."

 

Kurt frowned. "Why?"

 

"It'll help me figure out what you're missing."

 

Kurt sighed. "Steven and I had a huge fight, so I moved back home until he had the chance to find a new place. He moved out two weeks ago, so I came back."

 

Rachel looked even more confused. "And Steven is…"

 

Kurt laughed. "Our old roommate. Why are you acting like you've never met him? We've known him since senior year when he transferred to McKinley."

 

"Right… so what did you and Steven fight about?"

 

For once, Kurt was stumped. "Now that I think about it… I don't remember." Kurt scratched his head, thinking back to the last time he'd seen Steven. "I think it had something to do with him staying out late studying?" Kurt bit his lip.  _Why don't I remember?_

 

Rachel seemed to be studying him. "Kurt, this is going to be an odd question, but, what do you remember about your first boyfriend?"

 

"Adam? I remember him breaking up with me because he thought I didn't love him the way he loved me. Why are you bringing him up?"

 

"No real reason. Kurt, I think you've just had a rough couple weeks and it's been hard for you to process everything."

 

"Are you sure they didn't do something funky to our heads when I went in for the scan? Excess gamma radiation or something? I'm not suddenly going to Hulk out, am I?" Kurt put his hands to his face in mock horror.

 

"Superhero references? Wow, if Sam and Blaine could hear you now-" Rachel cut herself off, her eyes widening as if she said something she hadn't meant to.

 

"Who's Blaine?"

 

Rachel's eyes widened. "Brittany. I said Brittany."

 

Kurt put his hands on his hips. "No, you didn't. I'm certain I heard you say Blaine."

 

"Maybe you're right. Maybe there are some after effects from the scan. You should probably call them tomorrow once you've had a full night's rest."

 

"You still didn't tell me who this Blaine is."

 

"He's nobody important. Forget him. Go to sleep. Everything will be better tomorrow morning."

 

Kurt eyed Rachel warily for a few seconds before he shrugged and prepared himself for bed. Something was up with both himself and Rachel and he was going to get to the bottom of it, even if it was the last thing he ever did.

 

* * *

 

"No way, Rachel. I am going to sit here and enjoy my Shirley Temple. No singing. Nope."

 

Rachel frowned. "You're so boring, Kurt."

 

"And proud of it." He short her a cheeky smile. He turned from his friend to watch the girl who was currently at the microphone singing her heart out. He clapped politely when she finished.

 

"I'm going to go to the ladies' room. When I get back, I expect your attitude to turn around and for you to join me in a duet."

 

"Uh huh, whatever you say Rachel." Kurt waved to her and turned his attention back to the stage.

 

"All right, Callbacks, give it up for Marley Rose!" Pascal encouraged everyone in the restaurant to applaud. "Can I have everyone give a warm welcome to our next performer, Blaine, to the stage?"

 

Kurt took another sip of his drink as a young man made his way up to the piano. His heart skipped a beat as he looked the man over. He was of average height, his trim body topped with a mop of black hair that was severely gelled down. He had a kind face as far as Kurt could tell. When his eyes zeroed in on the bowtie and suspenders, he cheered internally. _Totally plays for my team._ When Kurt recognized the song as 'Against All Odds', a fond smile rose to his face.  _Elton John – man knows his classics._

 

The man never once looked up from the keyboard, his eyes focused completely on his hands which were flying over the keyboard. His voice was stunning, strong and full of emotion. It had been years since his last boyfriend and Kurt was beyond ready to start dating again. This guy was the perfect candidate, too.  _How to approach him, that's the real issue._

 

Rachel slid into her seat beside Kurt. "You look excited. Did you pick a song for us to sing?"

 

Kurt chuckled and shook his head. "No. I'm thinking about asking out the guy playing the piano."

 

"Oooh, exciting!" Rachel patted him on the back and turned to eye the man Kurt had set his sights on. "Do we know the name of-" Kurt's head whipped around to eye his friend when Rachel proceeded to choke on her drink. "Oh my god," Rachel rasped out, her hand banging her chest as she coughed.

 

"You okay?" Kurt asked, putting his hand on Rachel's arm. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

 

Rachel, face deathly pale, turned horrified eyes to Kurt. "It's nothing. Drink went down the wrong tube."

 

Kurt narrowed his eyes but nodded his head, his gaze going back to the man who had started up a slow tune on the piano.

 

"I think his name was Blake." Kurt twirled the straw in his drink as he admired the man. "There must be something in the water here."

 

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked, her eyes constantly darting back and forth from Kurt to the piano player.

 

"It's as if all the hot guys in the world live here. Either there's something in the water or there's some magnet here drawing all the attractive guys in."

 

"He's not that cute."

 

Kurt put on his best 'bitch please' face. "Are you kidding me? He's gorgeous. He's amazingly talented, too."

 

"I've heard better," Rachel grumbled. "Forget him. I could find someone ten times better at the theater for you."

 

"I highly doubt it." Kurt waved down the waiter to ask for their check. "I just need to figure out how to approach him."

 

Rachel bit her lip. "Do you really think you're ready to date again?"

 

Kurt felt his eyebrow rise. "Adam and I broke up almost 3 years ago. I think  _way too much_  time has passed."

 

"Right…" Rachel sighed. "Well, do you really think it's a good choice to pick up a guy in a bar? He could be an axe murderer."

 

Kurt snorted. "Firstly, this is Callbacks – I'd hardly call it a bar. Secondly, have you actually looked at him? What kind of axe murderer dresses like that?" He pointed to the man who was just finishing up his song.

 

"You never know, Kurt. It could be a disguise."

 

Kurt shook his head. "I don't get what your deal is, Rachel, but I think you're grasping at straws."

 

"I'm just looking out for you, Kurt. You've been really down lately and I just don't think this is best for you."

 

Kurt sighed, accepting the check from the waitress and turning to face his friend fully. "I get that you're trying to help, but I think I could have a nice time with him. Let me decide for myself whether he's a good guy. It's not like I'm proposing – it's just a date."

 

"I just think-"

 

"Not listening." Kurt stood up, planning on going over to the man. When he scanned the bar, he was upset to see that he was gone. "Oh no; where'd he go?" Kurt stood on his tip toes and frantically looked at all the faces around him. "He must have left while we were talking." He smacked Rachel on the arm. "Thanks a lot, Rachel."

 

"You're welcome," she responded with a bright smile.

 

"That was sarcasm," Kurt replied, frowning. "I don't even know his name. There's no way I can find him now."

 

"Maybe it's a sign you aren't meant to be."

 

"Or it's a sign that I should just ignore you." Kurt grabbed his coat and stomped his way out the door.

 

End Notes:

**So I rearranged my story..again. I feel like I say this every chapter. What was going to be the last chapter of Kurt's POV has now become part of something different. Expect a few more chapters from Kurt's POV leading up to actually meeting Blaine before we jump back to get Blaine's side of things.**

 

**As always, reviews are like oxygen to me and thank you for everyone's interest in the story.**


	14. Chapter 14

_He's at once familiar and unknowable_

 

_He's beautiful and wise and something in his eyes_

 

_Beckons me to know him and inspires me to say_

 

_I want to know your story, I want to know your past_

 

_I want to know your future, too_

 

_Fill my days and night with tales of you_

 

_I never cared for stories until you entered mine_

 

_And now my only wish is that our plots may intertwine_

 

 

Kurt threw away his cup, pausing to read a flier on the board.  _They're reviving Mamma Mia? Maybe I should prepare something._ Aftefr typing the details into his phone, he noted the time.  _Shit, I'm going to be late for work._

 

Before he could even start to make his way out of the coffee shop, he was forcefully run into. He watched in horror as the gentleman he'd run into spilled coffee all down his coat front. The man squealed quite loudly, which Kurt would have laughed at if he weren't deeply upset at the fact that he'd just ruined someone's very expensive looking coat. "Oh my god, I am  _so_ sorry. Are you okay?"

 

The man frowned as he looked at the disaster that was his outfit. "It's okay."

 

"But it's not," Kurt responded. He bit his lip, contemplating what he could do. "If you don't get that coat to the dry cleaners right now, it'll be ruined forever." Kurt gasped when he finally looked at the man fully. If he wasn't mistaken, it was the same guy he'd seen perform at Callbacks last week. Not knowing how it was possible, the man looked even more beautiful than last time. Up close, he could count the number of unfairly long eyelashes that spread across his sparkling golden eyes. His olive colored skin was flawless. Kurt's breath was knocked clean out of lungs. "Oh, hello." Kurt cursed the breathy quality to his voice and how it had rose in pitch.  _I think Pascal said his name was Blake_.

 

"Hello," Blake responded, his mouth rising into an uncertain smile. "Do I know you?"

 

Kurt shook his head. "Not really. I was at Callbacks when you played the other night. You're very talented."

 

Blake's face flushed red and his golden eyes dropped to his feet. "I'm nothing special."

 

"You really are." Kurt reached out and placed his hand on the Blake's arm. When he caught sight of his wristwatch, Kurt cursed under his breath. "I am late for work," he groaned out. He reached into his pockets and retrieved his wallet, quickly pulling out some money and handing it to him. "This should cover the cost of dry cleaning and a new coffee. Again, I am  _so_ sorry."

 

Blake shook his head. "It's really no problem. It's not like it's the first time I've spilled something on myself." The man laughed, accepting his money, his face lighting up with a smile. "Thank you."

 

_It's unfair how beautiful he is._  Kurt sighed, feeling like he was making a mistake leaving this man, but knowing he had no other choice. "I really have to be going. Good luck with your coat." He waved at the man and jogged out of the store.

 

It was only when he arrived at his work that he realized he hadn't even bothered to ask sure what the guy's name was, or for his number. He's once again missed his opportunity to get to know him better.  _I'll just have to keep my eye out for him. Seeing him twice in a week means he must live in the area. I may not have missed my chance completely._

 

* * *

 

Kurt licked quickly at his ice cream, desperate to keep any from dripping onto his pants. He sighed as the taste flowed over his tongue, eyes scanning the park and the people milling around it. It had been a long week at work and he was taking a well deserved dessert break.

 

When his phone vibrated in his pocket, he switched his ice cream to his left hand so he could pull it out with his right hand.

 

" _How are you doing? ~Dad"_

 

Kurt shook his head. His Dad had been checking up on him way more than normal these past few weeks. He could never get an answer from his Dad when he would ask why.

 

" _Same as when you asked yesterday - good"_

 

Kurt turned his phone off and went back to enjoying his ice cream. It really was a beautiful day out. Summer was still going strong, even this far into August. Kurt loved coming to the park and people watching. It helped him relax after a long day of working at Vogue, plus he could spot new trends to bring up at meetings.

 

He had just finished wiping his fingers off with a wet wipe when Kurt felt his heart speed up. He'd spotted the man from Callbacks and the coffee shop walking down the sidewalk.  _What was his name again? Blake?_  In what Kurt noticed was becoming a pattern, the man looked even more gorgeous than the last time he'd seen him. Unlike the last two times he'd seen Blake, today, he was accompanied by another man. The other man was very tall, his hair brushed back from his forehead, his face plastered with a bright white smile.

 

Kurt strained to hear their conversation, but he could only catch bits and pieces like "cute ass" and "did you point at him?" "serenade" and "love". He thought he heard the man call Blake "Laney" but he couldn't be certain.

 

The taller man had his arm around Blake's shoulder and they looked completely at ease with each other. Wouldn't it just be Kurt's luck that he'd found a worthy crush that had the potential to become more and he wasn't available?

 

As they got closer, Kurt hid himself behind a magazine. There was no way he wanted Blake to spot him and introduce him to a boyfriend while Kurt's heart was breaking to pieces. He really had the worst luck with crushes – straight or gay but unavailable. When they two men got closer, he heard Blake furiously whisper, "Oh my god, Coop. You're so embarrassing! I don't know why I asked you to move here with me."

 

_Oh god, they were living together, too?_

 

The taller man chuckled. "You love me, Blainey, admit it."

 

_Blainey_  sighed before answering. "God help me, but I do."

 

_That's it, I give up. I should just not try anymore._  The two men's conversation died off as they walked past Kurt. Once the two men were out of sight, Kurt let his magazine drop to his lap. There went his good day. Kurt pulled out his phone and scrolled to the texts from Rachel.

 

_Want to go out dancing tonight?_

 

It only took thirty seconds for a response to come back.  _Sure! Just let me know when._

 

* * *

 

"No, thank you," Kurt said, shaking his head.

 

The guy he'd declined a dance from frowned and flicked him off. "Fine, keep your legs crossed then, Princess."

 

Kurt felt his blood boil. It took him a few seconds to calm himself, making the decision to ignore the insult instead of having a comeback that could get him in trouble.

 

"Wow, what a creep," Rachel commented. "Does that happen a lot to you?"

 

Kurt sighed. "Yeah. Guys who can't handle the rejection will do whatever they can to hurt you back."

 

"Girls do that too, you know." Rachel took Kurt's hand and squeezed it. "You made a good judgment call. The guy was clearly a loser." Rachel bit her lip, turning to look back at the guy she'd been eying the entire night.

 

Before she could even ask, Kurt interrupted her, "Go dance, have fun." He waved her off when she looked like she was about to argue.

 

"Excuse me," someone said from Kurt's side. He turned to look at the man and felt his throat close up and the sip he'd been swallowing got caught. He fell into the most unclassy coughing fit that forced him to double over on himself while he struggled to pull a breath into his burning lungs. The man, whom Kurt had immediately recognized as Blake… Blainey?... placed a hand on Kurt's back and patted a few times. "Are you going to be okay?" he asked, his tone nervous.

 

Kurt blinked through the tears that pricked his vision and nodded up at the man. "I will be," he rasped, "as soon as my lungs stop trying to come out my mouth."

 

The man smiled at him, unable to stop from chuckling. "We're having not the best luck in talking to each other, are we?"

 

Kurt tilted his head to the side. "What do you mean?"

 

The man flushed. "Oh, gosh. You probably don't remember me. We ran into each other in The Brew and you paid to have my coat cleaned. It looks good as new, in case you were wondering. Anyway, I was just trying to make a joke about how we seem to be causing near disasters every time we see each other. And I'm also rambling. I do that when I'm nervous. I try to stop but I just keep talking and I-"

 

Kurt smiled and held up a hand, causing the man to pause. "Why don't we just try introducing ourselves? I'm Kurt."

 

The man returned Kurt's smile. "Blaine." Blaine started fidgeting, his hands alternating from in his pockets to at his sides. "I was just wondering if maybe you'd like to dance. If you dance, that is. Not that I'm implying that I don't think you can dance. Because I think you can. I mean, look at you: your legs are- wow I'm not going to finish that because that would be horribly rude of me and you probably think I'm some sort of bumbling fool and I-"

 

"No."

 

Blaine stopped midsentence, looking confused. "No?"

 

"No, I don't think you're a bumbling fool. And no, I wouldn't like to dance, but thank you for offering."

 

"Oh, gosh, you're not one of those people who aren't allowed to dance, are you? I didn't offend your religion or-"

 

"Blaine. Take a breath." Kurt gave him a small smile.  _It really is unfortunate that he's taken. He's incredibly adorable and_ _ **so**_ _my type. Then again, if he's so willing to dance with some stranger while he's dating someone else, maybe he's not such a great catch._ "I am allowed to dance and I enjoy it a lot. I just don't feel like dancing with you right now. Maybe your boyfriend would like to dance. Why don't you go ask him?"

 

"Boyfriend? What boyfriend?"

 

Kurt sighed.  _I'm lucky I saw him in the park with that guy, otherwise I could start falling for Blaine and really get hurt._ "Typical. If you'll excuse me?" Kurt threw some cash on the bar and grabbed his coat from the stool he'd been sitting on. As he walked quickly out the door, he pulled his phone out, shooting Rachel a quick text.  _"Got asked out by another jerk. See you at home."_

 

_I give up. I'm done with dating. I'm just done._

 

End Notes:

**So what do you guys think? I had different plans for this chapter. Blaine wasn't supposed to be in this chapter at all but goddammit that boy won't leave Kurt alone.**

 

**Any theories on what's going on with the two of them?**

 

**Any guesses on where things go from here?**

 

**The next chapter hasn't been written yet, so it won't be coming out as soon as this one did.**

 

**As always, reviews are like oxygen.**

 

**Also, fandom hug because I'm still crying over that promo for next week's episode.**


	15. Chapter 15

_Soft darkened eyes_

  
_Haunted by dreamless sleep_   
_Is it your ghost I see in the mirror?_   


  
_Warm tears sting my eyes_   
_As all of these sweet memories flood back to me_   
_Reminiscing now, I'll still be here_   
_My existence is not the same without you here_   


 

 

_Oh god, not again._  Kurt groaned when he spotted Blaine standing in line at the counter.  _This is the third time in two weeks._ Before Blaine could turn around and spot him, and inevitably try to start up a conversation like the last two times, Kurt pulled out his phone and pretended to take a call. "Hi, Rachel." Kurt waited a few seconds, as if Rachel was responding.

 

At Kurt's voice, Blaine turned around, smiling brightly when he spotted him.

 

Kurt returned his smile before speaking into the receiver once more. "Oh, for sure. I think that's a great idea, Rachel."

 

Blaine looked disappointed that Kurt was on the phone. He stood off to the side sipping his coffee as he waited for Kurt to finish up with his call.

 

_Goodness gracious, I'm going to have to keep this up until I get my coffee. He's nothing if not persistent. "_ Yes, Rachel I will-" Kurt jumped when his phone rang very loudly in his ear. His face turned crimson, realizing Blaine would catch him in the act of faking being on the phone. Kurt quickly accepted the call, thanking heaven it was Rachel. "Hey, Rachel – call must have dropped." Kurt shook his head and smiled at Blaine, as if bemoaning technology.

 

Blaine smiled back and chuckled.

 

"Are you faking a phone call, Kurt? I will not be part of your sneaky ways." He could hear Rachel judging him.

 

Kurt's face flushed an even brighter red. "Yes, but you're my best friend, so you have to."

 

Kurt looked up when he noticed Blaine scribbling furiously on the back of a business card. Once he'd finished writing, walked over to Kurt and held out the card. Kurt hesitated before accepting it.  _"Have a nice day,_ " Blaine mouthed to him before waving and leaving the store.

 

After Kurt was sure Blaine had left, he flipped over the card, zoning Rachel out as she went on a rant about not appreciating being used as a fake call to ignore other people. He looked at the front of the card first.

 

Stone Street Talent Agency

 

New York City, New York

 

Los Angeles, California

 

Chicago, Illinois

 

There were several phone numbers listed underneath the cities as well as the name of the agent whom most likely represented flipped the card over to read the back. " _I would like the chance to talk with you some more. ~Blaine 330-438-2712"_

 

_He has a Lima phone number?_ Kurt filed that information for later, sighing and slipping the card into his pocket. "Rachel, I have to go order my coffee. I'll talk to you when I get home."

 

"Don't you dare hang up on me, Kurt Hum-"

 

Kurt ended the call and made his way up to the counter.

 

* * *

 

For the next week, Kurt kept seeing Blaine everywhere he went. It was as if the universe was mocking him. Kurt had to stop going to The Brew, which seemed to be a regular hangout of Blaine's. After the fourth time that he'd had to turn down a side road to avoid Blaine, Kurt had had enough. He either had to turn into a hermit or confront the guy once and for all, let him know he wasn't interested in anything with someone who was a two-time scumbag… at least, that's what Rachel called him.

 

Kurt never dealt well with confrontation.  _Hermit it is_.

 

"Kurt, are you still avoiding him?" Rachel, hands on her hips, stood over where Kurt was reading on the fire escape.

 

"Avoiding who?" Kurt asked, a false innocence to his voice.

 

"Mr. Hottie Hot Suff that you keep obsessing over."

 

"I am  _not_  obsessing over anyone, Rachel."

 

"Uh huh, right. Ever since we went out dancing the other day, you haven't shut up about this guy who charmed the pants off of you but was seeing someone else already. You need to give this guy a piece of your mind. You can't let him be more powerful than you." Rachel sighed. "Maybe I need to pick out the next guy for you – first you wanted to ask out the axe murder from Callbacks and now some loser who's walking out on his boyfriend."

 

Kurt didn't even bother correcting Rachel on the fact that both of those guys were one and the same. She'd just yell at him more. "I don't need you to get me a guy – I'm done. I'm not going to date anymore. I'm going to adopt a cat and be the crazy cat guy that everyone is terrified of."

 

"Uh uh, no way, Kurt. I'm not letting you do this to yourself. You are going to go out there and rip the guy a new one and then you're going to let me set you up with a nice guy from the theater and be happy again."

 

When Kurt made no move to stand up off the stairway, she yanked him up and swatted his behind.

 

"Fine. Next time I see him, I will tell him off once and for all. Happy?"

 

"Ecstatic."

 

* * *

 

_Steven came home late, just as he had been prone to do the last few weeks. Kurt cornered him in the kitchen. "Where were you?"_

 

_Steven shook the blond hair out of his face, crossing his arms over his chest._ _"I was out studying, you know that."_

 

" _Who were you studying with?"_

 

" _Steven. Why do you sound angry?"_

 

_Kurt paused. "Wait, what?"_

 

_It was as if Steven didn't hear him. "Yeah, we had a lot of studying to do."_

 

" _You're studying with someone else named Steven?"_

 

_Again, Steven didn't react to Kurt's words. It was as if he was reading from a script. "You think I was cheating on you?"_

 

" _What are you talking about? I never said anything about-"_

 

_Steven grimaced. "You said we were past this. You said you forgave me."_

 

_Kurt frowned at Steven… who suddenly had a head of dark black hair. "What happened to your hair?"_

 

" _I love you, Kurt, more than anything." As Steven talked, parts of him started not looking right. His tight blue shirt was replaced with a black polo shirt and bright red bow tie. "I made a huge mistake, one that I'll never make again." His eyes changed from a stormy grey to a light golden. "I don't know how to prove that to you."_

 

_Kurt shook his head and put his hands over his ears. Something was horribly wrong. "Stop!" When Kurt was met with only silence, he opened his eyes, surprised to find, not Steven, but Blaine standing in front of him._

 

_Blaine looked distraught. "Kurt, don't do this. We could go to counseling, find some way to make this right between us. I can't lose you again."_

 

" _Why are you doing this to me? Why won't you just leave me alone? Both of you!"_

 

Kurt sat up straight in bed, ripped from his dream. Kurt was completely doused in sweat, his sheet twisted at least four times around and through his legs.

 

Rachel came charging into his partition, bat clenched in her fists and raised above her head.

 

"Oh my god!" Kurt screeched, hands flying up to protect himself.

 

Rachel lowered the bat but didn't loosen her grip on it. "I thought you were being attacked."

 

"Nice to know you'll keep me safe." Kurt felt his heart finally starting to slow down from the rapid fire pace it had been pumping at since he'd awoken. He flicked his lamp on and blinked at the bright light.

 

"Why were you yelling?" Rachel asked, sitting down beside him on the bed.

 

"Nightmare," Kurt admitted, playing with the thread on his blanket.

 

"Do you want to talk about it?"

 

Kurt shook his head.

 

Rachel laid her head on Kurt's shoulder and wrapped her arm around his waist. "You could always sing about it."

 

Kurt snorted, curling himself into Rachel's body. "It was so weird, Rachel. It was if I was reliving Steven and my last fight, but then suddenly Blaine was there and-"

 

"Blaine?!" Rachel shouted, yanking herself out of Kurt's embrace to stare at him.

 

"Yeah. That's the name of the guy from the club the other night. Didn't I tell you?"

 

Rachel shook her head, eyes wide.

 

"Anyway, it was like Steven morphed into Blaine and they were both saying this stuff about cheating and losing me and I was so confused. It felt like I should know something more about him than I do."

 

Rachel bit her lip. "It's just a dream. I wouldn't read too much into it."

 

Kurt felt a shiver pass through his body, excess energy flowing through him. "Ever since that scan, I feel like my body and my brain are trying to tell me something that I just don't understand. I feel like I'm missing something huge, something I knew but I lost. Is that weird?"

 

"I feel that way, too, sometimes," Rachel admitted. "There are times you talk about Finn and high school that I don't remember. I feel like you look at me sometimes as if you don't know who I am, and I know you're holding back on talking about things."

 

Kurt grimaced. "You noticed that, huh?"

 

Rachel chuckled. "You are no liar, Kurt. You're easier to read than an open book." Rachel stroked a hand through Kurt's hair and pulled him tighter into her body. She sounded sad when she started talking again. "I hope you'll trust me enough one day to tell me what you think I shouldn't know."

 

"I want to Rachel, you have no idea how much. I'm afraid of what it will do to you. I feel like, what I'm feeling now, you'll feel a hundred times worse. I'd never wish that on anyone, especially you."

 

"I guess I can understand that." Rachel yawned and stretched out her toes on the bed. "Would you mind terribly if I just crashed here for the rest of the night? You're surprisingly cuddly," she murmured, nuzzling into Kurt's shoulder.

 

Kurt laughed lightly. "I don't mind. Just don't make a habit of this."

 

"I won't."

 

Kurt lowered them both onto the bed and turned off his lamp, allowing Rachel to cling to him like a limpet. He eased his chest as far from her breasts as he could without offending her.

 

End Notes:

**I don't know why, but in fic I'm a sucker for Rachel and Kurt cuddles. I don't like them as friends in the show though... whatever.**

 

**Let me know what you think of the chapter. This chapter and the last one aren't the way I was originally planning - they're more like vignettes until I get to the meaty part of the story.**

 

**As always, reviews are like oxygen.**


	16. Chapter 16

_I might have to wait, I'll never give up_

 

_I guess it's half timing and the other half's luck_

 

_Wherever you are, whenever it's right_

 

_You come out of nowhere and into my life_

 

_And I know that we can be so amazing_

 

_And baby your love is gonna change me_

 

_We'll get it right and we'll be united_

 

_I just haven't met you yet_

 

* * *

 

"So Kurt, what would you say to a blind date?" Kurt looked up from the spread he'd been working on for the last three hours. Greg, one of the photographers for Vogue, was standing in the doorway to Kurt's cubicle with a smile on his face.

 

Kurt set his pen down and considered the man. "Depends. Is it with one of your friends?"

 

Greg's smile got bigger. "Would a yes change your answer?"

 

"Greg, you hang out with Drag Queens. While I have absolutely nothing against them, I do not think they're my type."

 

"It's a good thing, then, that this guy's not a Queen, then. Because I know you'll ask, Felicia, you remember my ex? She works with him at the Stone Street Theater with this guy. We got to talking after her show the other day and she introduced me to him. She mentioned wanting to find a nice guy for him. He's just moved back to the city. If I can be completely honest, he's the sweetest guy I've ever met. He's got an ass to die for and his voice is like listening to angels sing."

 

"If I didn't know you any better, I'd say you were crushing hard. Color me intrigued. If he's so great, why's he single?"

 

"I didn't ask for his life story." Greg chuckled. "After seeing how genuine he was, I told him I had a person in mind that I thought he'd be perfect for. He sounded interested."

 

Kurt crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know. I've seen the girls you date, Greg."

 

"He's nothing like the girls I date. He's every parent's dream for a son-in-law. Why don't you just give him a try? What's the worst that could happen?"

 

"Fine."

 

"Great. Plan on 7:00 tonight at Rose's."

 

"How did you even know I'd say yes?"

 

"I've heard you talk about the dream guy from Callbacks – you're getting desperate."

 

Kurt frowned. "Do I really talk about him a lot?"

 

Greg nodded, shooting Kurt a friendly smile. "It's okay. We've all been there. I know you'll like this one. He seems like a perfect match for you."

 

"You owe me if he isn't."

 

"A year's worth of coffee. Yes, I'm that confident," Greg continued before Kurt could ask. "Have fun tonight and make sure to tell me all the details tomorrow."

 

* * *

 

Kurt spent three hours picking out the perfect outfit, not that he'd admit that to anyone. He fluctuated between the tightest articles of clothing he could find and the most expensive looking. Finally, he decided on a modest but gorgeous shirt he'd purchased from Rue La La last year and some plain black dress slacks that gave his ass and legs some definition. Better to be a put together version of himself than someone he wasn't.

 

After getting the outfit out the way, he started on his hair and his moisturizing routine. He wanted his skin to glow and his hair to defy gravity. Everything had to be perfect.

 

Kurt shook his head as he eyed himself in the mirror.  _Why does everything have to be perfect? It's just a date. If it doesn't work out, it's not like my life is going to end_ , the one side of his brain argued. Kurt huffed, dropping his hands from his hair and glaring at himself.  _Every moment is an opportunity to look your best, Kurt Hummel,_ the other side argued back. _This guy could be the man of your dreams and you will_ _ **not**_ _lose him because you sprouted a big pimple on the tip of your nose._  Kurt pulled out his lotion and applied it carefully to his nose, cheeks, and chin.

 

Once he was satisfied with how he looked, he grabbed his wallet and slipped it in his right pocket. After checking the time on his phone, he kissed Rachel on the cheek goodbye and started the trek to the restaurant, thankful that it was such a nice night out, being so late into August. He and Rachel weren't making the greatest amount of money and rent was expensive, especially after Steven left. Any way he could save on cash, such as not taking a taxi, was a blessing.

 

After a fifteen minute walk, Kurt arrived at Rose's.

 

Kurt smiled at the hostess. "Hi, I'm meeting someone here. I'm not sure if he's here yet."

 

"Oh yes, he just got here himself. I'll direct you to his table." She grabbed a menu and looked Kurt up and down. "Blind date?" she asked.

 

Kurt nodded. "How could you tell?"

 

"You look like you're about to jump out of your skin."

 

Kurt grinned sheepishly. "I'm kind of nervous."

 

The hostess smiled and walked them towards the back of the restaurant. "Don't be." She whispered behind her hand to him. "If we're being honest here, he's quite delectable. All the hot ones in this town are gay, it's so unfair." Her cheeks pinkened. She paused a few feet from the back area of the restaurant and pointed. "He's the cutie in the back right booth."

 

Kurt eagerly scouted out the guy, spluttering once he realized who it was.  _"Oh my god_ ," Kurt groaned, feeling his heart drop in his chest. Blaine, the man he'd been dodging all week, was sitting there, cute as ever.

 

"I said the same thing when he walked in," the hostess commented.

 

Kurt turned to eye her. "I didn't mean 'oh my god' as in 'oh my god look at how hot he is' which he is, obviously. I meant 'oh my god I know this bastard and I've been avoiding him for the last few weeks'."

 

"Oh." The waitress turned to look at Blaine. "That's unfortunate. He looks like quite the catch."

 

"I assume he is – he already has a boyfriend," Kurt gritted out.

 

"Wow. That's not okay."

 

"I can't believe it's him. I had such high hopes for tonight."

 

The hostess bit her lip. "Do you want to sneak out? I can tell him you called the restaurant to cancel because you were sick, or something."

 

Kurt considered that for a moment before shaking his head. "No. I need to confront him once and for all. Let him know that what he's doing is not okay. Not to me, and not to his boyfriend."

 

"Well, let me know if you need anything."

 

"Thanks." Kurt smiled at her and took a deep breath before walking over to Blaine. "Hello, Blaine."

 

Blaine's head whipped up from where he'd been looking over the wine list. "Kurt?" His face lit up with a bright smile. "Felicia didn't tell me your name, so I had no idea it'd be you. Not that it would have changed me saying yes. Because I've been trying to ask you out for weeks. And just- wow, you look amazing. Not that you haven't NOT looked amazing and I'm rambling, wow. I'm going to just stop now." As he'd been talking, Blaine's face had started to flush from the tips of his ears down to his smiling cheeks.

 

Kurt couldn't help but smile at Blaine. He really was too adorable for his own good. Kurt felt his heart flutter when Blaine stood up and pulled out Kurt's chair for him. "Thank you," Kurt murmured, debating how to bring up the issue of Blaine's boyfriend. "So, tell me how you ended up getting set up on a blind date."

 

"Wow, we're getting heavy right away. Okay, I can do handle that." Blaine nodded. He folded his hands on the tabletop in front of him. “Well, I moved here from California with my brother a few weeks back and I barely had a chance to get a place to live, let alone start dating. Felicia, one of my costars, is a friend of Greg’s. He mentioned a friend of a friend that he thought I’d hit it off with. He talked a little bit about him… well, you… and I thought I’d give it a try. I have to admit, he picked well.” Blaine smiled sheepishly. “You are gorgeous, Kurt. It’s hard to think around you.” The tips of Blaine’s ears became even more red. “What about you? I’d think someone like you would have people banging down your door.”

Kurt laughed ruefully. "You'd be wrong." Kurt examined Blaine more closely. His extremely trim body carefully encased in a white button up and dark blue blazer. A cheery red bow tie was tied expertly in the collar. His hair had been gelled down to within an inch of his life. His expression seemed so genuine and sweet; he couldn't believe that someone so kind looking could be lying about a boyfriend. But Kurt couldn't deny what he'd seen in the park. "So, no one special in your life?"

 

Blaine shook his head. "Unless you mean my brother, Cooper, then no. He likes to think he's the most important person in my life. I can barely stand to be around him in public. He's so embarrassing."

 

Kurt immediately flashed back to the encounter in the park.  _"Oh my god, Coop. You're so embarrassing! I don't know why I asked you to move here with me."_ Kurt blanched. "He was your brother?" he squeaked out. He felt his face drain of color.  _I've been hating this guy for something that wasn't even his fault. I am so stupid._

 

"I'm sorry?" Blaine asked, clearly confused.

 

Kurt shook his head. "Ignore me, I'm just having a bit of an emotional crisis."

 

Blaine smiled, bemusedly. "Anything I can help with?"

 

"You could order us a nice wine."

 

"Sure. Can I ask you something, though, before we order?"

 

"Of course."

 

"Why didn't you ever call me, after I gave you my number in the coffee shop?" Blaine didn't look hurt, he just looked curious.

 

Kurt's face went red.  _Do I tell the truth and look like an idiot, or do I make up something?_ Rachel's voice, telling him what a horrible liar he was, echoed through his head. "It was for a very silly reason," Kurt admitted. "After we ran into each other at the coffee shop, I saw you in the park."

 

"Really?"

 

Kurt nodded. "I saw you and whom I'm now assuming is your brother. Except, I didn't know he was your brother." Kurt trailed off, hoping he wouldn't have to explain any further than that.

 

Slowly, realization dawned on Blaine's face. "You thought- oh wow, Cooper will get a kick out of that."

 

"I told you it was silly," Kurt grumbled, face red as a tomato. "You can't blame me, though. He was all over you and talking about living together and loving you. What else was I supposed to think?"

 

Blaine snorted. "He's been overly affectionate recently. I guess I understand now why you turned down my offer to dance, then. I wished you'd asked me, instead of just assuming. I don't – I would never do that if I was dating someone." There was a flash of hurt in Blaine's eyes.

 

Kurt reached out and placed his hand on Blaine's, squeezing lightly. "I'm sorry. I have this habit of jumping to conclusions. I'm working on that."

 

Blaine placed his other hand on top of Kurt's. "Well, let's agree to put all that behind us and have a nice night."

 

"That sounds lovely." Kurt bit his lip, pulling his hand back and looking Blaine up and down. "Now that I don't think you're a cheating bastard, I'd like to return the compliment you gave me earlier. You look gorgeous tonight, Blaine."

 

Blaine beamed. "Thank you. I wanted-" They were interrupted by the waitress arriving to take their order. "Could we order a bottle of your house wine?" Blaine asked, flashing her a bright smile. The waitress flushed and let out a small giggle before nodding and leaving them. "What?" He asked Kurt when he saw him laughing.

 

Kurt shook his head, his chin in his hand. "I have seen you charm every single person you come across. It's why I had such trouble trying to avoid you these past few weeks. You are way too adorable for your own good."

 

"I find that very hard to believe. I've lost the ability to speak properly every time we've bumped into each other. I thought you'd think I was some unintelligent loser not worth your time of day. You're way out of my league, if we're being honest here."

 

"Why would you say that?"

 

Blaine raised an eyebrow. "Have you looked at yourself recently? You look like you should be on the runway and you have this presence about you that draws everyone in. I saw the way everyone was looking at you in that club. You're a magnet, Kurt."

 

"While that's very lovely of you to say, that's far from being true. You, on the other hand, are the magnet. You had everyone in the palm of your hand at Callbacks. When I look into your eyes, I see this story that I'm desperate to know, this intelligence and grace that I've never seen in anyone else."

 

Kurt smiled brightly at Blaine who returned the smile back. There was no need for words right now. They simply wanted to enjoy this feeling of rightness, of home, something they'd never thought they'd find so perfectly in another person.

 

End Notes:

**This is it, for now, of current time. The next 9-10 chapters are Blaine's POV from the time Kurt called things off until present time. I want you to understand his side of things before Kurt and Blaine start the new chapter of their life together.**

 

**As always, reviews are like oxygen.**


	17. Chapter 17

_Cut to today I've lived enough to know that love is such a mess_

_Sometimes I got it right even when I got it wrong_

_I would have thought that you meant I was the only one_

**Just so you don't get confused, we're jumping back in time and we'll be dealing with Blaine's POV for a while**

 

* * *

 

Blaine loved their apartment. He and Kurt had done their best to make it as homey as possible. Pictures were hung over every available surface and there was always music playing. As he started placing their dishes in the dishwasher, he listened to Rachel humming along with the CD that was playing.

 

The door opened to their apartment. Blaine put the last of the knives into the silverware rack and turned, smiling when he saw it was Kurt. "Hi, sweetheart." He made sure to wipe his hands off on the rag that was resting on his shoulder, tossing it into the sink before jogging over to his fiancé. He pulled him into a kiss, barely holding back a groan when Kurt's tongue darted out to tangle with his own.

 

Kurt was the best kisser. Sure, Blaine was biased, but he appreciated the emotion Kurt put into his kisses all the same. When he kissed Kurt, he always felt warm, loved, and like he was coming home.

 

It had been a long week. Blaine had a huge final coming up and he'd been working himself to the bone getting as much studying in as he could. His study group had been meeting every evening, so he hadn't gotten to spend nearly as much time with Kurt as he'd liked to. For the first time all week, here in Kurt's arms, he felt like everything was all right. He sighed in contentment when they pulled apart. "I was thinking today that we could-"

 

"Where were you last night?" Kurt interrupted.

 

Blaine was thrown for a moment. Kurt sounded upset, confusing Blaine because Kurt had been so loving just a moment prior. Blaine felt his mouth turn down into a frown. "I was out studying, you know that." He'd told Kurt at the beginning of the week that he'd be studying every night and not to expect him home for dinner.

 

Kurt's arms were tightly crossed on his chest, and his cheek twitched. He was irritated, but Blaine didn't know why. "Who were you studying with?"

 

"Steven. Why do you sound angry?"

 

Rachel's voice made Blaine jump slightly. He'd forgotten she was in the room. "I think I'm going to head out."

 

Blaine didn't pay her any mind. He was trying to figure out why Kurt was angry with him. Kurt had been getting more and more upset with Blaine over the last few weeks, but Blaine had attributed it to the stress they were both facing. Sure, they'd had a fight in Central Park last week, but they'd made up and Blaine thought they were okay.

 

"You were out really late." Kurt chewed the inside of his cheek, his foot starting to tap on the floor.

 

Blaine still didn't understand why Kurt was angry. "Yeah, we had a lot of studying to do." He was going to explain that he'd had no cell service in the library, but Kurt started talking again.

 

"Is that what they're calling it these days?" Kurt's words were dripping with sarcasm.

 

Blaine felt his blood start to boil. "You think I was cheating on you?" He couldn't believe they were having this argument again. After Kurt had been rude to his professor last week, they'd spent all night talking about Kurt's irrational jealousy and doubt and they'd made up. Kurt said he'd work harder at asking Blaine first before jumping to conclusions. Apparently, Kurt had forgotten about that. "You said we were past this. You said you forgave me."

 

Kurt sighed. "I thought I could start trusting you again, but I guess I just can't. You cheated, Blaine. You let your loneliness become more important than your love for me. Once you've given into temptation, it's so easy to give in again. I can't help but worry when you're in a place where that temptation could happen again."

 

Blaine's heart felt like it was breaking all over again. Kurt  _still_ didn't trust him? What more could Blaine do to fix this? "I love you, Kurt, more than anything. I made a huge mistake, one that I'll never make again. I don't know how to prove that to you."

 

"You can't." Blaine felt like he'd been punched in the gut when Kurt took a step back from him, shaking his head. "I think it's time we stopped kidding ourselves into thinking this could work between us."

 

Was Kurt breaking up with him? "Kurt, don't do this. We could go to counseling, find some way to make this right between us. I can't lose you again." He knew he sounded desperate.

 

Kurt looked heartbroken. "There's nothing that anyone can say that will change my mind. I don't trust you anymore and I doubt I ever will."

 

Blaine huffed, his anger starting to take over. "So, what? You're kicking me out? Where am I supposed to go?" Kurt knew that Blaine had no home anymore. His parents had kicked him out, and his brother lived across the country.

 

"You don't have to go anywhere."

 

Blaine raised his eyebrow.

 

"I'll be leaving tonight to spend some time with my family. You can stay here as long as you like. You pay a third of the rent, so it's technically your home, too."

 

"It's not a home if you're not here." Blaine twisted his hands together, trying to stop them from shaking. He was losing Kurt; he needed to do something to fix it before he was gone. "Is there anything I can do to convince you to stay?"

 

Kurt didn't say anything. Blaine saw the light and love leave his fiancé's eyes, his fingers shaking slightly as they removed the engagement ring. No way in hell would Blaine take it back. If he did, it would be over forever. Kurt finally set the ring on their coffee table, biting his lip and not meeting his gaze.

 

Blaine felt tears run down his cheeks, hot tracks down his devastated face. "You accepted my proposal, Kurt. I'm not going to give up. You said you'd never say goodbye to me and I'm holding you to that. No matter how far you go, never forget how much I love you." He couldn't lose Kurt again. It would kill him.

 

"That's the worst part of this whole thing," Kurt whispered, arms curling around himself. "I know how much you love me and I haven't stopped loving you. It's just not enough anymore."

 

"Give me twenty four hours, Kurt. One session with a counselor – what harm could come of that?"

 

Kurt bit his lip, considering Blaine's request. "One day, and then you have to let me go."

 

* * *

 

Blaine miraculously was able to set them up with a therapist that evening (he called in a favor with Wes, whose cousin was willing to fit them in).

 

They avoided each other until the appointment. Kurt's engagement ring still sat on the coffee table in the living room. Blaine felt bile rise in his throat every time he looked at it. He prayed that he could put it back on Kurt's finger after meeting with the therapist today. Love was the most powerful emotion in the world – it should conquer all.

 

Kurt asked to drive to the appointment separate. "I need to pick something up for Rachel. I won't be late."

 

When Blaine attempted to kiss him, Kurt turned his face and accepted it on his cheek. It took a few moments after Kurt walked out for Blaine to stop crying. Kurt had put up walls that Blaine thought he'd knocked down a long time ago. He hoped Kurt would let him in one more time.

 

Kurt arrived just on time for their appointment. Kurt sat down next to him, but he refused to look at Blaine.

 

"Thank you for doing this," Blaine whispered.

 

Kurt's cheek twitched and he nodded stiffly. They'd been together long enough for Blaine to read Kurt's body language. This was his ' _I'm pissed off and I don't want to talk'_ posture _._  The first few times Blaine had encountered this Kurt, he'd pushed for conversation and he'd nearly ripped Blaine's head off.

 

By the time they were called back to meet with the therapist, he could feel Kurt bristling next to him.  _Maybe this wasn't the best choice_. It was too late to turn back now.

 

When the therapist sat them down and asked why they'd come to see him, Kurt scoffed and glared at the wall to his right. Blaine explained the situation as best he could, Kurt interjecting frustrated noises every so often.

 

Once Blaine had finished explaining their situation, the therapist gave a sympathetic smile. "I'm glad you came to see me. The first thing I need to ask may seem like a silly question, but I have to ask. Fixing all of your problems is going to require a lot of work. Blaine, are you willing to do this?

 

"Absolutely," Blaine said, nodding.

 

"Kurt, are you willing to work for this relationship?"

 

"No," Kurt breathed out.

 

Blaine's head whipped around to look at Kurt, hurt bubbling up in his chest. "What?"

 

Kurt sighed, tears pooling in his eyes. "I'm just so tired of it all. I tried, for a long time, to accept things for what they were. You cheated and you broke my heart and I had to accept that we were no longer each other's one and only. You were intimate with someone else and there was a part of you that I'd lost forever, something I could never get back."

 

"I know that I was with someone else, but they meant nothing to me. They never touched my heart – that's yours, forever."

 

The therapist was looking between the two of them. "Kurt, I feel like the biggest issue between you and Blaine is not his infidelity."

 

"Excuse me?" Kurt asked, his face showing his anger. "Have you even  _listened_  to what we've told you?"

 

"You misunderstand – the affair was the catalyst. I'm not downplaying that fact. I just feel like the real issue here and now is your insecurity. You don't trust that you're good enough for Blaine. You don't feel like you mean enough to Blaine for him to stick around. You feel like there are plenty of people who are better than you."

 

Kurt shook his head, eyes blazing. "You are wrong. There's never been an issue with me. It's his fault! I don't trust him anymore. I told myself that I wouldn't settle and that's what we've come to. I'm settling for a relationship full of doubt and pain and I just can't do it anymore."

 

"Kurt,  _please_. Just listen to what he's saying. I think he's got a point." Blaine wringed his hands.

 

Kurt sighed. "Can we have some time alone, Doctor?"

 

"Of course. I'll come check on you in ten minutes or so."

 

Kurt waited until the doctor left before turning to look at Blaine. "This isn't helping, Blaine."

 

"This is only the first session. With time, maybe we could-"

 

"You asked me to go to one session, and I have. You said you'd let me go if it didn't work."

 

Blaine gripped Kurt's hand in his own. "You haven't given it a chance, Kurt. Not a real one. I think he has a good idea of things we could work on."

 

" _We_? He's been laying into me about everything  _I've_  done wrong.  _You're_  the one who cheated. Shouldn't he be yelling at you?"

 

"There are two sides to every relationship, Kurt. I've been doing everything I can to fix us and I feel like you've given up. You gave up a long time ago."

 

"All I know is that I held up my half of the bargain – now you need to hold up your half. I want some time to think about things, Blaine. I need space."

 

"But-"

 

"This is non-negotiable. I'm going to go back to Ohio for a while and reevaluate. I don't want you to call or come visit. I'll contact you when I'm ready."

 

"If this is what it'll take for you to work on our relationship, I'll do it."

 

Kurt stood up and brushed his pants off. He opened the door only to be face to face with their shocked therapist. "I think we're done for now. Do we pay at the front desk?"

 

The therapist nodded and backed out of the way.

 

* * *

 

While Blaine was at the front desk paying for their session, something caught Kurt's eye. It was a small display in the corner of the waiting room. " _Do you ever wish you could just forget? Make an appointment with the Freedman Neurology Center today_ " Kurt grabbed a brochure and stuffed it into his pocket.

 

Maybe this was a way to fix things between him and Blaine.

 

End Notes:

**This was hard to write. I was happy to get into them reconnecting, but for the rest of the story to make sense, you have to know Blaine's side. I wasn't ready to be back in the melancholy that was their relationship ending, but what can you do?**

 

**As I've said way too many times before, reviews are always appreciated!**


	18. Chapter 18

_Still setting two plates on the counter, but eating without you_

_If the truth is you're a liar, then just say that you're okay_

_I'm sleeping on your side of the bed, going out of my head now_

_And if you're out there trying to move on, but something pulls you back again_

_I'm sitting here trying to persuade you like you're in the same room_

_But even if wishing is a waste of time, even if I never crossed your mind_

_Now they say I'm wasting my time 'cause you're never coming home_

**I'm sorry for how long it took to get this chapter up. I had a reviewer point out how thoroughly unlikable I made Kurt and I had to change up the next four chapters to make sure Kurt didn't keep getting less and less likable. It's important that you don't see either Blaine or Kurt as a villain. They each have their own issues but neither is worse than the other.**

 

* * *

 

"Rachel, you have to help me win him back."

 

Rachel sighed, pulling the brush through her hair. "Kurt told me that you agreed to give him space. I don't see how you're supposed to win him back if you're not supposed to communicate at all."

 

"He won't stay away forever. I need to know what to do for when he comes back home." Blaine's voice broke at the word 'home'. Their loft truly didn't feel like anything more than four walls with Kurt gone. "He's my everything, Rachel. I can't lose him."

 

"You know as well as I do that Kurt's stubborn. Once he makes up his mind, it's rare that you can change it. If you want to win him back, you need to do it soon. The longer he's gone, the harder it will be to bring him back to you."

 

"I know, that's why I'm asking for your help!" Blaine groaned, fisting his hands into his hair. "It's only been a week and I'm going crazy. He's hurting and I can't help but feel responsible."

 

Rachel set her brush down and faced Blaine. "I'm going to tell you something and you need to promise me this never gets back to Kurt." Rachel looked more serious than she'd ever been in her life.

 

"I promise."

 

"Kurt's being irrational. Sure, you made a mistake, but you're human. Anyone who's met you knows how good a guy you are." She gave him a small smile. "I think Kurt needs some time to think things through and realize how much you mean to him. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as they say."

 

Blaine shook his head. "You didn't hear him, though. He said that he's  _settling_ for me. That I'm causing him pain and that he doubts us." Blaine knew he was crying.

 

"Oh god, Blaine, I'm so sorry." Rachel opened her arms for Blaine to fall into. She rubbed her hands up and down Blaine's back. "Anyone who's seen the two of you together can see how obvious Kurt's love is for you. You're the love of his life – he's just lost sight of that. Give him time and he'll come back to you; I'm sure of it."

 

"Thanks, Rachel." Blaine sniffed and pulled a handkerchief from his pocket to blow his nose into.

 

"Do you want me to cancel tonight? We could sit and watch some romcoms if you'd like."

 

Blaine shook his head. "No, you go have fun on your date. I'll be okay. Thanks for the offer, though."

 

"You're my best friend, too. Best friends stick together." She gave him a friendly smile and turned back to face the mirror to start applying her makeup. "I probably won't be home until tomorrow afternoon. Don't hesitate to call if you need anything."

 

* * *

 

As Blaine scooped the pasta dish onto his plate, he sighed. He'd made too much again. Ever since Kurt left, Blaine had noticed himself continuing to make enough food for two. He scooped the rest of the dish into a Tupperware, dating to top and placing it in the fridge.  _Guess I know what I'm eating for lunch tomorrow_.

 

Blaine sighed and sat himself down at the dining room table. It was going to be a long night. At least when Rachel was around, he had someone to distract him from his thoughts. Maybe he could call one of the guys from the show and see if they wanted to head out for drinks. Blaine jumped when his phone buzzed from the other side of the room.

 

He wearily pulled himself out of the chair and shuffled over. Blaine had to blink a few times when he looked at the screen  _"Kurt3 Incoming Call"_ He unlocked the screen with shaky fingers. "Hello?"

 

"Hello," Kurt replied, his voice soft, uncertain.

 

Blaine had no clue what to say, so he listened to Kurt's breathing over the line, hoping Kurt would start the conversation.

 

"How have you been?" Kurt asked, still sounding like he was walking on eggshells.

 

"It's been really hard," Blaine responded, knowing he sounded broken and defeated. "I keep looking up, expecting you to be there. I can't sleep at all because the bed is way too big without you."

 

"I miss you so much, Blaine." Kurt's breath hitched with a small sob. "I'm so very confused. I want things to be better, but when I'm with you, there's all this pain and anger welling up inside me, but away from you, it's like half of me is missing. I just want to fix this."

 

"I never want to cause you pain, Kurt."

 

"I know." Kurt sighed heavily. "H-how is your job going?"

 

Blaine smiled. "It's great. The actor was out sick the other day, so I've been helping out with run-throughs this week."

 

"That's wonderful, Blaine. I'll be there opening night with flowers."

 

"You do realize I won't actually be performing, right?"

 

Kurt laughed lightly. "Doesn't mean you don't deserve flowers."

 

They fell into silence, a bright smile plastered on Blaine's face. "How's your family doing?"

 

"Good. Dad's shop is booming and Carole was promoted. They're very happy."

 

"Give them both a hug from me."

 

"I will." He could hear Kurt breathe deep. He only ever did that when he was preparing himself to say something important. "I set up an appointment at this clinic in Cleveland. When you set up that appointment to try and help us, I didn't even give it a chance. I put all the blame on you and I'm sorry."

 

"Thank you," Blaine breathed, feeling his heart unclench slightly. "That means a lot that you feel that way."

 

"You're special, Blaine and I haven't been treating you that way recently. We've never truly talked about everything that's happened since we got together and it's all coming to a head right now. Maybe if I talk it out with someone on the outside, I can figure out where we went wrong."

 

"I think that'd be great. I can always come to Ohio and join you once you get to that point. I want to be a part of this. We're partners and we should do this together."

 

"I'll call you again in a week or so and let you know how things are going." Blaine could hear Kurt pause. "I love you." Blaine hated how unsure Kurt sounded.

 

"I love you too, so much."

 

They didn't say goodbye, ending instead on the declaration of love as they'd been prone to do the last few years.

 

End Notes:

**I really hope I've started redeeming Kurt with this. I never meant for you to hate him because then it would seem OOC for Blaine to want to keep fighting for Kurt. Please let me know what you thought of this as it will affect what the next few chapters will be.**

 

**The next chapter is nearly completed, I just want to see what sort of feedback I get from this prior to posting it. I may need to change that chapter too depending.**


	19. Chapter 19

_Dreams, that's where I have to go to see your beautiful face anymore_

_I stare at a picture of you and listen to the radio_

_Hope there's a conversation where we both admit we had it good_

_But until then it's alienation I know that much is understood and I realize_

_If you ask me how I'm doing, I would say I'm doing just fine_

_I would lie and say that you're not on my mind_

_But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two_

_And finally I'm forced to face the truth_

_No matter what I say I'm not over you_

**Please read the A/N at the bottom - I tried to address some concerns I'd gotten via review and PM**

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Blaine spent his time at the theater working on the show, going out for drinks with fellow cast and crew members, and eating a lunch or dinner with Rachel. Life was as good as it could be, given the circumstances.

"I was thinking…we could… try doing it in C?" Blaine puffed out as he continued along the path in Central Park.

"That would… be easier… doubt Ollie will… allow it." Felicia responded, keeping pace with Blaine. "There's no way… Brad can hit a… high D…"

As they hit the edge of the park, Blaine and Felicia came to a stop. Blaine put his hands on his knees and took several deep breaths. "I keep hoping he doesn't come back. I didn't audition for this show to be kept on the sidelines."

Felicia pulled a few strands of hair back into her ponytail. "You're loads better than that poser. The role should have been yours in the first place." She pointed toward the cart to their left. "I'm going to get some water, want a bottle?"

"Sure." Blaine followed Felicia to the cart. "Thanks again for coming today. It's so much nicer to run with someone else."

"Agreed. We should do this every Saturday." She paid the vendor for the bottles and handed one to Blaine. "I have to head back home for a quick shower. See you at the theater?"

"Yeah."

Blaine grabbed his bike from where he'd parked it outside the park, placing the water bottle into the holder. He let the cool air wash over him as he pedaled back to his and Kurt's apartment.

He enjoyed running and biking through New York. It gave him time to himself to just reflect on his week or let his mind drift as he people watched.

It has been a month since Blaine had last heard from Kurt. As much as it killed him, he wanted to keep his promise to give Kurt space. As Blaine continued pedaling, he though back to what had happened a few days back, when Blaine had gotten a phone call from Burt.

" _Burt?"_

" _Hi, kid._ "

_Blaine couldn't help but worry that something very wrong had to have happened, to cause Burt to call him before Kurt did._ " _Is everything okay?"_

" _I could ask you the same question. Kurt won't say anything about what happened between you guys, so I just wanted to check in and make sure everything was all right."_

_Burt had always been kind to Blaine, caring about him more than Blaine felt he deserved. "Things are hard but I'm getting through. How-how is Kurt doing?"_

" _He's been really quiet since he came home. I can't get more than two words out of him at a given time. It's like I don't even recognize him anymore."_

" _I want to help, but he keeps pushing me away."_

" _He's done that since he was little. He never asks for help and I doubt he ever will… take care of yourself, Blaine. No matter what happens between you two boys, you can always call. You're family, kid."_

" _Thanks, Burt."_

Burt was always like a father to Blaine, ever since he'd learned of Blaine's story when he'd come to pick up Kurt for his first prom. Burt had always kept an eye out for him and made sure Blaine knew he was cared for.

Once Blaine got back to the loft, he hooked his bike up to the stoop and started making the climb to the apartment. After shutting the door behind him, his phone started ringing. He twisted the cap of his water bottle while he unlocked the screen, mopping the sweat from his forehead with his arm. "Hello?"

"Hi, Blaine."

Blaine nearly dropped the water bottle. "Kurt?"

"How have you been?"

Blaine couldn't hold back his angry sigh. "It's been over a month since we last talked; how do you _think_ I'm doing?"

"I'm sorry. I've been having a really rough time and I needed to work through a few things."

"You could have called and let me know how you were doing."

"I know, I'm sorry. I need to tell you something, but I don't know how to say it."

Blaine felt his heart sink. "You're not coming home yet, are you?"

Kurt's silence was answer enough.

"I don't know how much longer I can do this, Kurt. There are too many memories in this apartment and it's killing me." They were silent for a few moments. Blaine finally broke the silence with something that had been on his mind for a while now. "Cooper called me the other day, asked if we'd be interested in moving to LA. The agency I'm part of has a branch out there."

"What about your job?"

"I'm just the second stand-in. There's a chance I'll never get to be on stage. They're doing the show in LA too and they said I could be part of the ensemble."

"That might be nice, for you to get away for a while," Kurt said. "You love performing – this would be really nice for you."

"It's not so nice when I know I'd be going there alone. I just want you to come back home." When Kurt didn't respond, Blaine knew he had to say something, anything to keep Kurt on the line for a little longer. "How have things been going with the doctor you've been seeing?"

"They're okay," Kurt said. Blaine could tell by the tone of voice that Kurt was holding something back. "They want me to meet with someone in New York, so I'm going to be coming back soon."

"That's fabulous," Blaine breathed, feeling his heart swell up. "I can't wait to have you back home."

When Kurt didn't respond, Blaine knew something was wrong. "That's the thing," Kurt started. "The doctor doesn't think that I should see you yet. Maybe you going to stay with Cooper for a while would be best. You could get away for a while and I could continue my therapy."

"You said you wouldn't kick me out. This is our home, Kurt." Blaine knew he was pouting, but this whole situation was so unfair.

"It won't be forever. I just need a little more time."

"I love you, Kurt, but you're making me doubt that. I feel like our relationship means nothing to you, that this distance isn't making you as crazy as it's making me. Do I really mean so little to you that you'd send me across the country?"

"No, that's not it at all!" Kurt shouted, his voice finally rising above the mechanical whisper it had been in their recent conversations. "I love you, I do, and you mean the world to me. I just need to fix me before I can fix us. Please believe me when I say that I'm not ever going to give up on us."

"Heaven help me, but I do."

"Call Cooper and see if he'd be willing to let you stay with him for a few weeks. I'll call you as often as I can. I love you, Blaine, forever."

"I love you, too." Blaine hung up before he could break down. No matter what Kurt said, his actions communicated just how wrong their relationship still was.

Blaine pulled up his contact list and dialed number 4 on auto-pilot.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Coop. Is your offer to move in still on the table?"

 

End Notes:

**If you're like some of my reviewers and are bored of flashbacks or feel like all of this is unneccessary and repetitive, you are more than welcome to skip this chapter and the following ones and tune back in at Chapter 26 when we get back to present time. Blaine's story deserves to be told so I'm going to continue with my outline and let him tell his side of everything in the 9 chapters I alloted him at first outlining of the story.**

**For those who feel my chapters are too short, you are more than welcome to wait until I've posted three chapters before starting to read the new installments - that will make it feel like they're longer. I feel like getting things out sooner is nicer for my readers, rather than waking you wait months at a time for a huge chapter.**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and let me know what you think. I've learned that I can't please everyone even if that drives me bonkers. I never want to piss anyone off or heaven forbid bore them, but everyone has different tastes. I've turned off a few readers, but I have to stay true to my characters.**

**Please let me know how you are enjoying this.**


	20. Chapter 20

_On the first page of our story, the future seemed so bright_

_Then this thing turned out so evil, I don't know why I'm still surprised_

_Even angels have their wicked schemes and you take that to new extremes_

_But you'll always be my hero, even though you've lost your mind_

_So maybe I'm a masochist - I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave_

_Til the walls are going up in smoke with all our memories_

_Run out the room and I'll follow you like a lost puppy_

_Baby, without you I'm nothing, I'm so lost, hug me_

_Then tell me how ugly I am, but that you'll always love me_

 

 

" _He's doing that nose thing again," Felicia whispered, giggling behind her hand._

 

" _Felicia, stop!" Blaine hissed back, nudging her with his shoulder. "We're going to get in trouble."_

 

" _Like anyone pays attention to us all the way back here."_

 

_Felicia and Blaine were sitting in the back of the theater watching as the main cast ran through the Act One finale. Being stand-ins, the majority of the time Felicia and Blaine had nothing to do at rehearsals. Felicia enjoyed judging the other actors and making Blaine laugh._

 

" _Because of you, I can't even look Brad in the eye without cracking up."_

 

_Felicia snickered and laid her head on Blaine's shoulder. "You make these long days bearable, Blaine. I don't know what I'd do with you."_

 

_Blaine was about to respond when his phone chirped. It was Cooper. He never called unless it was important. "Excuse me a second while I take this?"_

 

_Felicia nodded._

 

_Blaine waited until he was out of the theater before answering the call. "Cooper?"_

 

" _Hey, Blainey, whaddaya say to moving out here to the awesome side of the country for a while?"_

 

_Blaine scoffed "Hi, Cooper. How are you doing? I'm fine – thank you for asking."_

 

" _We're long past pleasantries, Blaine. Answer my question."_

 

" _About moving to California? Why would I want to do that?"_

 

" _I miss you, little bro. I thought it might be nice for all of us if you and Kurt came out here for a couple weeks."_

 

_Blaine laughed. "We can't just pack up and move, Coop. We have bills and responsibilities here. I have a part in a play that I can't just walk away from."_

 

" _You said you were the stand-in. That's industry lingo for 'we like you but don't ever think we'll let you perform for an audience'. I apologize for being blunt, but, unless you're planning on knocking off a few of our cast mates, you're not going to be on stage. You told me before Kurt can work from home, so there's no issue for him."_

 

_Blaine sighed. "I can't just leave, Cooper. Kurt and I- we're having a bit of a rough time right now and I need to be home for him whenever he gets back."_

 

_He could hear Cooper's shock through the telephone line. "Gets back? Where'd he go?"_

 

" _To Ohio. Listen, Coop, I really don't want to talk about that right now."_

 

" _Okay. You know I'm here if you need to talk, right?"_

 

" _I do, thanks." Blaine felt a genuine smile rise to his face._

 

" _Listen, Blaine: I talked to a couple people at the Stone Street here in LA. They said they're doing your show here too and they need more actors to fill their ensemble. I may have hinted that my insanely talented brother would be interested. They said you could send in a video audition if you wanted."_

 

" _I don't think I can leave right now. Thanks for the offer, Cooper. It really means a lot that you're looking out for me."_

 

" _If you change your mind, you and Kurt are more than welcome to come out here. I won't take that offer away."_

 

" _Thanks, Coop."_

 

" _You take care of yourself, Blaine."_

 

" _You, too."_

 

That was before Kurt had called and turned Blaine's world upside down. Blaine called Cooper back the day after Kurt and he had spoken. Cooper had been nothing but accommodating once Blaine told him about what had been happening with Kurt, that Kurt was gone and wouldn't be coming back any time soon. Cooper offered to pay to ship all of Blaine's belongings to California if Blaine purchased the plane ticket.

 

While Blaine rearranged funds to finish paying his part of the rent for the month and purchase a plane ticket, Cooper followed up with his agent and they facilitated a video audition. They cast him in the ensemble the same day.

 

Things had been awkward with Rachel ever since Kurt had told Blaine that he was coming home. Rachel spent a long time with Kurt on the phone that next day. Blaine attempted to eavesdrop but after a particularly vicious glare from Rachel, he stepped out of the apartment to go for a run. He and Felicia spent the day together just talking. Felicia knew very little about Blaine and Kurt. She didn't even know Kurt's name. Blaine had brought up once or twice that he was engaged but that due to some issues they'd been having, he preferred not talking about their relationship. He explained to Felicia that he would be moving to California for the time being and that he'd call her when he got the chance. She was the closest person he had to a friend here in New York besides Rachel and he didn't want to lose that.

 

When Blaine returned a few hours later, Rachel pulled him into a teary hug and ended up staying the night curled up into Blaine's chest.

 

" _I wish there was something I could do to make things better between you and Kurt," Rachel whispered as she lay next to him. "You both are hurting and there's nothing I can do about it."_

 

" _It's up to Kurt now. He needs to allow me back in. Maybe coming back here will show him how much we need each other. California will be a nice change, I think." Blaine rubbed a hand up and down Rachel's arm where it was laying across his chest. "I'll be performing for real."_

 

" _I'm so excited for you, Blaine. You're going to blow them all away. I just wish I could be there to see it."_

 

" _Thanks, Rachel."_

 

" _I'm going to miss you and your incessant humming," Rachel said with a sniffle._

 

" _I won't miss your scales every morning."_

 

_Rachel gasped and smacked him. "You're so mean, Blaine." She snuggled back up into him. "You're one of my best friends, Blaine. No matter what happens between you and Kurt, that fact will never change."_

 

" _You'll take care of Kurt for me, right? Maybe you could call me and let me know how things are going, too?"_

 

" _Of course."_

 

_Blaine fell into a restless sleep; Rachel was a warm body, but she wasn't Kurt._

 

Rachel was teary as she hugged Blaine goodbye at the airport. She was going to pick up Kurt later that afternoon to drive back to the apartment. The flight to California was stressful. Blaine put his headphones in and attempted to drown out his thoughts with music, but for once, music wasn't a comfort. He couldn't help but feel like his body was pulling him back towards New York, back towards where Kurt and his home was.

 

The rest of the flight passed uneventfully. Cooper was there to pick Blaine up at the airport, a huge glittery sign with his name on it held tightly in his grasp. Blaine fell into his brother's arms, face smooshed into Cooper's chest, unwanted tears pooling in his eyes. "I've missed you so much, Coop," Blaine whispered.

 

"Missed you, too," Cooper responded, patting him on the back. "It's good to have you here, Blaine."

 

Cooper walked Blaine out to his car, arm tight around his shoulders and rubbing his arm up and down. They didn't talk much on the ride to Cooper's apartment. Blaine curled into himself in the passenger seat, eyes watching the landscape that passed outside the window.

 

It was only when the car came to a stop that Blaine was pulled from his daze.

 

"Home sweet home," Cooper said, a wry smile on his face.

 

End Notes:

**The next two chapters are completely written, so they should be posted a lot sooner than the last few have been. Thank you to everyone who's been so lovely in reviewing and helping boost my confidence in where this story is headed.**

 

**I'm so happy with the way that Blaine's story is working out and I can't wait for you to see what happens.**

 

**As always, reviews are like oxygen.**


	21. Chapter 21

_You took a hammer to these walls_

_Dragged the memories down the hall_

_Packed your bags and walked away_

_There was nothing I could say_

_And when you slammed the front door shut_

_A lot of others opened up_

_So did my eyes so I could see_

_That you never were the best for me_

 

 

Living with Cooper was an… experience, to say the least. He went back and forth between completely overbearing and forgetting Blaine was there.

 

Blaine spent most afternoons at the theater with his new cast, making friends and having a great time learning the songs and choreography for the ensemble. He and Cooper shared a meal a few times a week, the other nights were spent with his friends from the show.

 

The distraction of the show and his brother kept Blaine from thinking of Kurt during the day. It was only as Blaine lay in bed that he was plagued with thoughts of his estranged fiancé. He came close to calling him at least fifty times over those weeks that he spent with Cooper.

 

He held off in the hopes that Kurt would be the one to call him, to let him know that Blaine could come home and they could start being a couple again.

 

It was a humid August 2nd when Blaine finally couldn't take it anymore. He stepped out onto Cooper's balcony and pulled up Kurt's number, thumb hovering over the call button.  _What if Kurt doesn't answer? What if he does and he tells me it's over?_ Blaine finally decided to make the call. He couldn't let another day pass without knowing where he and Kurt stood.

 

It took only a few rings before the call was answered. "...Blaine?" Kurt sounded disbelieving.

 

"Kurt, oh my god, you answered." Blaine let out the breath that he'd been holding.

 

"Blaine." Kurt sounded awful. He sounded broken and lost.

 

Blaine had the clear his throat to remove the lump that had appeared. "Kurt, I've missed you so much."

 

He heard the sound of shuffling on the other end. When Kurt spoke again, it was at a whisper. "Blaine, you shouldn't be calling."

 

_That answers the question of whether Kurt was ready for me to come home. But he answered – there was still hope._ "I know." Blaine sighed deeply. He squeezed his head where it had started to throb with a headache. "I know you said that you wanted your space, but it's been weeks, Kurt." Blaine couldn't keep the frustration from his voice.

 

Kurt took a moment to respond and when he did, it was hesitant. "They told me I shouldn't speak to you."

 

_They? What does that even mean?_ Blaine was confused. "They? They who? Your family?"

 

"No, the-"

 

Blaine heard a quiet voice call out Kurt's name on the other end of the line. He couldn't tell who it was and he couldn't make out what they were saying. He assumed it was Rachel, but he couldn't be certain.

 

Kurt's frantic whisper sounded over the line. "I have to go."

 

Blaine knew that if he let Kurt hang up, he'd never hear from him again. He had to do something. "No, Kurt. Please don't push me away. I can't let you go without a fight." He could hear how frantic he sounded and he was certain Kurt could too.

 

Kurt hesitated again. Blaine held his breath, desperate for any sign from Kurt that they could start fixing things. "It's too late, Blaine."

 

Blaine felt his heart break into hundreds of tiny pieces.  _Too late? Isn't he fighting for us?_ Before he could say anything, a tinny Rachel screeched, "Blaine?" and there was a lot of thumping and shuffling and then he could hear Rachel loud and clear. "Blaine, it's Rachel. Kurt can't talk anymore."

 

Blaine bit his tongue, holding back all the harsh words he wanted to say to her. "Rachel, you have to let me speak to him."

 

"No, I  _don't_  have to." Rachel sighed, sounding tired. "Listen, Blaine. I know you love Kurt and I know he loves you. I know you don't want to give up on him, but the problem is, it's too late."

 

Blaine huffed, leaning his elbows on the balcony. As much as it warmed his heart to know that Kurt still loved him, this was twice now that he was told that he was 'too late'. "It's never too late, especially if he still loves me."

 

"It is, though." Rachel sighed once more. "Blaine, things between you have been bad for a while. We thought for a while that you guys had moved on from your breakup, but I guess Kurt was just masking his continued doubt. Even you have to admit how bad it had gotten in the last few months."

 

_Where's the Rachel who comforted me when Kurt told me to leave? Where's the Rachel that said Kurt's love for me was obvious? The one who said she was my best friend and she'd help me?_ At Rachel's words, Blaine remembered bits and pieces of the fights he and Kurt had had in the past year. No matter what Blaine had done, Kurt would always find something lacking in him, disappointment oozing out of every pore. Blaine could never be good enough for Kurt. They loved each other and Blaine had always hoped that would be enough. "Everyone has arguments, Rachel. We were making plans for the future. He told me how happy he was. That doesn't count for nothing." He knew he was making excuses, but they were all he had left. He couldn't help but feel that everything was slipping through his fingers.

 

"I know. I wish it could be any other way, but it can't. Kurt's moving on in the only way he knows how. You guys just aren't meant to be. "

 

"Don't say that." Blaine knew what Rachel was saying held some truth, even if it wasn't what he wanted to hear. Blaine had finally won Kurt back after their break up; he didn't want to lose him again. He'd been alone for so long, he couldn't do it anymore.  _Oh god, I'm crying. Fantastic._ He sniffled as quietly as he could, regretting not having any kleenexes on him. He thought he could hear Rachel sniffling, too.

 

"Blaine, how much do you know about memory extraction?"

 

_Please god, no._ Somehow, even without having it spelled out for him, Blaine knew what Kurt had done.  _'Kurt's moving on the only way he knows how' 'They told me I shouldn't speak to you' 'It's too late' Did it really come to that?_

 

"Blaine?"

 

If Blaine's heart wasn't already broken, it would have been shattered with this realization. "He didn't... please tell me he didn't."

 

"I'm sorry, Blaine."

 

His world was over. Not only was Kurt forcing him out of his future, he was removing him from his past, too. Kurt would never be able to look back and remember the good times they had because they would all be gone. Was Blaine really worth so little to Kurt?  _Wait. Kurt recognized me by my voice, called me by name when he picked up the call._ "He remembered me when he answered. He's not completed it, right?"

 

"That's right."

 

It was as if the clouds had finally parted and the sun was shining. "That means there's still a chance. I could still win him back and-" Blaine started thinking about what he'd have to do to move back to New York.

 

Rachel sounded frustrated. "You can't. I won't allow it. He's much too fragile right now. You need to let him go."

 

"I can't let him go. He's the love of my life, my soul mate. You used to know what that meant." He realized a few seconds too late that he probably shouldn't have said that. Blaine always spoke without thinking when he got angry.

 

"What does that mean?"

 

_Shit. The doctor said it was important to never reference the relationship, lest it trigger something in Rachel._ "...Forget it." Blaine knew Rachel was going to end the call soon. When she did, he'd never talk to them again. There was no way they'd answer his call after this. He had one chance to communicate everything he needed to. "Would you tell him that I still love him? That if he ever changes his mind, I'll take him back?"

 

"I have to let him move on. It's for the best... Please take care of yourself, Blaine."

 

"Yeah, whatever." Blaine ended the call and flung his phone across the room.

 

Blaine couldn't help but hate Rachel and Kurt. His two best friends had turned their backs on him and he'd done nothing wrong. All he'd done was try and make up for the mistake he'd made so many years ago. He'd done everything he could to fix things and they said they'd fight for each other. They said they'd give him a chance to make it all right. They'd lied.

 

Maybe it was time to do something drastic.

 

* * *

 

_"You don't need anyone's affection or approval in order to be good enough. When someone rejects or abandons or judges you, it isn't actually about you. It's about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs, and you don't have to internalize that. Your worth isn't contingent upon other people's acceptance of you — it's something inherent._

 

_You exist, and therefore,you matter. You're allowed to voice your thoughts and feelings. You're allowed to assert your needs and take up space. You're allowed to hold onto the truth that who you are is exactly enough. And you're allowed to remove anyone from your life who makes you feel otherwise."_

 

_—Daniell Koepke_

 

A few of Blaine's friends and family were confused when they read his new facebook status. No one could know what Blaine had planned for the very next day.

 

End Notes:

**Thank you Zavacado for the quote - it fit perfectly with where this story was going and I had to use it. Not that he knows I was going to use it. I just came across it on his Tumblr... I guess I should actually thank Daniell who said it... Anyway...**

 

**Thank you to everyone who has been so kind to me and my story. I can't wait for you guys to see what happens next!**


	22. Chapter 22

_Now that it's all said and done_

 

_I can't believe you were the one_

 

_To build me up and tear me down_

 

_Like an old abandoned house_

 

_What you said when you left_

 

_Just left me cold and out of breath_

 

_I fell too far, was in way too deep_

 

_Guess I let you get the best of me_

 

 

"I'll call you as soon as I get home from the show, Sam." Blaine chuckled. "You're even more excited than I am for this show."

 

"Blaine, dude, you're starring in your first real musical – that's huge!"

 

"I'm in the chorus; I'm hardly a star."

 

"I'm still going to come out and see you."

 

"That's really sweet, but I don't know if I'm even going to be here that much longer."

 

"What do you mean?" Sam sounded concerned. "Did Kurt call you back finally?"

 

"No." Blaine sighed. "I've got this appointment to see a specialist tomorrow, but I'm still not sure if I should go. I'm… I'm thinking about seeing a doctor to have Kurt erased."

 

"What?!" If it has been anything but this moment, Sam's screech would have made Blaine laugh. "Are you kidding me?"

 

"I wish I were. Sam, Kurt's having me erased. I called him two days ago and Rachel told me about it. Kurt sounded so… he didn't sound like himself. I can't – I can't have him breaking my heart every day if he doesn't even remember me. It's not fair."

 

"Dude, I- I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry. Do you need me to-"

 

"No. I need to do this alone. Coop said he'd go with me if I needed someone."

 

"Call me anytime, Blaine."

 

"Thanks, Sam."

 

He was just about to put his phone in his pocket when it rang. At the sight of Kurt's name, Blaine felt his heart clench, answering the call as quick as he could. "Kurt, oh my god, is that really you?"

 

"I need you to listen and not interrupt." Blaine froze at the tone of Kurt's voice: deep and full of command. Kurt always had the ability of making Blaine do whatever he wanted him to.

 

"Okay," Blaine breathed out.

 

He heard Kurt take a deep breath before talking. "I don't know how much you know about what I'm going through right now. Hell, I don't know if  _I_ know what I'm going through. I'm missing years of my life right now."  _Oh my god, he's already erased_ _years?!_ _That means he doesn't remember our engagement or his job or –_ His musings were cut off by Kurt's continued speech. "Frankly, that sucks. I mean, I don't even know who I really am. Last I knew, you were going to come visit me here in New York for the first time. We were happy." He heard Kurt let out a small whimper.  _How could he erase our engagement, all those beautiful memories?_ Blaine felt his breath get knocked from him, his heart breaking. He wanted so badly to say something, anything to make things better, but it was too late. Kurt had told him to not interrupt and Blaine was going to abide by that. "They said you cheated on me. I don't understand what could ever make you want to do something horrible like that. What happened to us?"

 

_Oh god, he's lost everything since he graduated. How am I supposed to deal with this?_ "I don't know." Blaine groaned. He'd been asked this many times by Kurt and by others and he'd never had an answer, not one that could make it okay. Especially not now. Nothing could make it okay because it wasn't okay. "I've spent years trying to figure out why I gave myself to someone else and I have no answer. All I know is how much I hate myself for what I did to you."

 

"We always promised to be true to each other. To love each other forever. To never let anyone come between us."

 

" _I know._ I can never communicate how sorry I am for it. I'm going to regret it every day of my life." Blaine waited for Kurt to say something, anything, but he stayed silent. Blaine knew he was losing Kurt for good. Blaine was nothing, if not a fighter, so he had to try one more time. "Kurt, I love you so much. I don't want to lose you. Is there any way I can convince you to stop the extraction?"

 

"No." Not that Blaine expected any answer than this, but his heart broke at the answer.

 

Blaine was unable to stop a laugh from bubbling up in his throat. "I didn't think so. It's really over, isn't it?"

 

Kurt sighed. "It is. This will be the last time – you won't be hearing from me again. Goodbye, Blaine."

 

_You said you'd never say goodbye to me._  Blaine couldn't say those words, couldn't turn the blame back on Kurt. He hung up without responding, unable to say that last goodbye. Even if he'd given up fighting, he wouldn't acknowledge those words aloud.

 

Blaine sat down heavily on his bed and hung his head.

 

"Blainey, you ready for dinner? Oh." Cooper paused when he saw how distraught Blaine was. "Everything okay?"

 

"No. Kurt's… Kurt's gone. Do you know how much it hurts to know I'm not good enough to remember? He hates me so much that the only way he can see to fix this is to make me and all our memories go away. I hate him, Coop. I hate the one person I love with all my heart."

 

Cooper sat down next to Blaine and put a hand on his knee, squeezing it. "I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

 

"I need you to take me to my doctor's appointment. If Kurt's going to erase me, then I need to do the same." Blaine could feel the venom in his voice.

 

"I don't know, Blaine. Messing with your brain – that's huge. You can't come back from that."

 

"I don't care," Blaine bit out, his voice shaking with rage. "I just want him gone. I want this pain and this anger and this worthlessness gone."

 

Cooper held up his hands in surrender. "Okay. No need to rip my head off. You're my brother. I'll stand by you no matter what you decide."

* * *

 

 

The appointment with the neurologist went surprisingly fast. The man gave Blaine an odd vibe, as if he delighted in Blaine's pain and frustrations. Paperwork was created and signed within an hour of meeting the doctor and they'd scheduled his first therapy session and extraction for the next day.

 

Due to the nature of the extraction, Blaine dropped out of the musical. The saddest thing was that Blaine didn't even care. His heart wasn't into it anymore. What once used to bring him such joy and satisfaction now only brought him pain.

 

The therapist that Blaine met with was very mechanical. She worked him through the biggest of Blaine's most recent memories with Kurt and they were removed by the end of the day. This continued for the next four days until Blaine emerged from the hospital at the end of the week with no memory of Kurt or their time together.

 

** End Notes: **

**I know this is a short chapter (probably one of the shortest I've written) and it's revolves around a conversation that already happened, but I wanted to show it from Blaine's side so that you could get the full picture. I'm just finishing up the last of Blaine's POV prior to their date and I'm SO excited for you guys to read it. It's better than I thought it would be upon original planning.**


	23. Chapter 23

_To think I might not see those eyes_

_Makes it so hard not to cry_

_And as we say our long goodbye_

_I nearly do_

_Slower, slower_

_We don't have time for that_

_All I want is to find an easy way_

_To get out of our little heads_

 

 

"Hey, Coop, you'll never believe the phone call I just received!" Blaine came running into the main living area with a huge smile on his face.

 

Cooper set down his script and returned his brother's smile, something he'd missed seeing on his brother's face the last month they'd lived together. Blaine had returned from his final doctor's appointment earlier this afternoon and it had been such a drastic change. Gone was the sullen and moody boy who Cooper consoled every night. Here was the happy-go-lucky and truly happy brother that Cooper had known was still deep down inside of Blaine.

 

"That was my friend Felicia from the show in New York. She said that Brad, the guy I was standing-in for, stepped down and they're offering  _me_  the role!"

 

"That's great!" Cooper jumped up and pulled his brother into a big hug. It wasn't until Blaine was pulling away from his hug that Cooper understood what this would mean. Blaine would be moving back to New York… where Kurt was. Blaine had  _just_  been able to move on. Who knew what would happen if they saw each other again. "Are you… are you sure you want to move back? Aren't you happy here?"

 

Blaine bit his lip. "You've been great, Coop, but I've always felt like New York is the place I need to be. I have friends there and they're willing to let me move in rent free until I start getting my paycheck."

 

"When do they want you back?"  _Maybe if I have time, I can convince Blaine to stay in California._

 

"They want me back tomorrow for opening night. They're arranging a red eye tonight so that I can be at afternoon rehearsals tomorrow." Blaine beamed at him. "It's like things are finally working out for me, Coop."

 

"I'm so glad for you. You deserve nothing better," Cooper responded, shooting him as happy of a smile as he could muster as he frantically tried to figure out how to fix this all. "Why don't- why don't I come with you?"

 

Blaine blinked, a confused expression on his face. "Why would you need to do that?"

 

"I told you back in High School that you'd revive Broadway and that I'd be there front row center to see it. Besides, I can find commercial work just as easily in New York as I can in California. Haven't you had a nice time here with me?"

 

"I have. You've been really great, Cooper." Blaine reached over and pulled his brother into a hug. "Thanks for letting me crash here the last month. It's been nice taking some time away and refocusing. I learned a lot with this new company, but I'm ready to be back in New York." He bit his lip. "I guess I could call Felicia and see if you could stay with us for a while."

 

"I still have some of Grand-pop's inheritance left. We could find a nice little loft to rent once we get there. Anderson brothers against the world, right?"

 

Blaine returned Cooper's smile. "As long as you promise not to embarrass me in front of my friends."

 

"Me?" Cooper asked in mock offense. "When have I ever embarrassed you?"

 

Blaine scoffed and put his hands on his hips. "Within minutes of meeting my friends, you told them about the time I wet the bed, which, may I point out _,_  was  _your_  fault!"

 

"How was it my-"

 

"You put my hand in a bowl of warm water!"

 

Cooper gasped. "I did not!"

 

"Then why was there a bowl right next to my bed?"

 

Cooper couldn't think of an excuse. "Fine. I promise not to tell your friends any of the embarrassing details of your life."

 

"You'd better not. Otherwise, I have incriminating photos I know you wouldn't want to see the light of day."

 

Cooper crossed his arms over his chest. "You have nothing on me."

 

"I do. Unless you don't mind me showing people the picture of you modeling Kelly's underwear. Those were some frilly pink panties, Coop."

 

Cooper glared at his brother. "You wouldn't dare."

 

"I won't,  _if_  you promise to be on your best behavior."

 

Cooper raised his hand with two fingers raised. "Boy Scout's Honor."

 

Blaine narrowed his eyes. "You weren't a Boy Scout."

 

"No, but I played one on a commercial, so it counts."

 

* * *

 

Blaine was surprised how quickly he and Cooper were able to get another plane ticket and to arrange his belongings to be shipped to New York. He'd put in a call to his landlord to see about breaking his lease or subletting until the lease ran up.

 

Felicia said she was perfectly fine with letting Cooper crash with them. "I'm just glad you're coming back, Blaine. We've missed you!"

 

By 9:00 pm, they were packed up and boarding a plane for a red eye to New York City. Blearily, once they'd arrived in New York, they hailed a cab and made the short trip to Felicia's apartment.

 

He sent her a text as they pulled their suitcases from the trunk of the cab and she met them at the entrance to the apartment building. Blaine accepted the bear hug Felicia pulled him into, jumping when she squealed right into his ear.

 

"Oh my god, your brother's the Free Credit Rating guy?" Felicia clapped her hands and bounced up and down. "Your jingle was my ring tone all throughout college!"

 

Cooper broke out into a huge smile. "So did Kur- I mean, uh. Thanks!" He scratched the back of his neck, shooting Blaine an odd look. "Thank you again for letting me and Squirt bunk with you. We'll be out of your hair as soon as we can look around for a place to stay."

 

Felicia shook her head, her cheeks bright red. "You can stay as long as you want," she breathed, unable to take her eyes off Cooper. She backed towards the door and giggled when she ran into it. She finally turned around and unlocked the door, gesturing for Cooper and Blaine to enter before her. Cooper jumped when her hand swiped across his backside. "Whoops," she squeaked, looking anything but repentant. "It's the first door on the left."

 

She showed them to the guest bedroom. "You'll have to share the air mattress."

 

"Good thing Blaine stopped wetting the bed," Cooper said, setting his suitcase on the dresser.

 

"Coop!" Blaine ground out, smacking him on the arm. "You said you'd behave!"

 

"Hey, your friend copped a feel. I figured if she didn't behave, I didn't have to either."

 

Blaine just shook his head and set his suitcase down next to Cooper's. "I have no idea why I am friends with either of you." His comment was buffered by the smile on his face. "Why don't we all just agree to try and act like adults for the time being?"

 

"You're no fun, Blainey."

 

"One of us has to be the mature one. Now get dressed so that we can go to bed. And for the love of god, please put on boxers or some other form of pants. I refuse to share a bed while you're naked."

 

"What if I get hot?"

 

"You can go sleep on the couch."

 

End Notes:

**I was all excited to have finished all of Blaine's backstory but, as I was writing the chapter with the continuation of the First Date, I realized I'd made a huge mistake. The chapters won't be as quick coming as they would have been because I have to rewrite them all. I feel stupid, too because I should have caught the error much sooner. Hope you enjoy this chapter and I promise I'll keep writing as quick as a I can.**

 

**Please review :)**


	24. Chapter 24

_  
Sands of time_

_Take me back_

_Before it all went wrong_

_When love was but a song_

_And tomorrow shone as brightly as the sun_

_Teach me to undo what's done_

_Sands of time_

_Take me back_

 

 

“How come you never told me you had a brother?” Felicia asked Blaine as they stretched.

“Two reasons,” Blaine responded, reaching to touch his toes. “Most important is the fact that every single person who’s met him can’t help but comment on how attractive they find him. How can I be confident in myself when everyone is drooling over him?”

“Awwww, I’m sorry, Blaine. If I had any idea you felt that way, I would have kept my mouth shut. You do realize how special you are, though, right? You’re smart and funny and so talented. If I didn’t see you as a friend, I would be drooling over you too. You’re like Cary Grant and Fred Astaire rolled into one.”

“While that’s a very nice compliment, I’d prefer to be compared to someone much less old and dead. I mean, I’m 20 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend. It’s pathetic. I’m pathetic.”

“You’re not pathetic. You just haven’t met the right guy yet.  Keep an open mind, Blaine. He’s out there somewhere waiting for you.”

“It’d be nice if he made it easier to find him,” Blaine grumbled.

“I’ll keep an eye out for you, Blaine. I know some nice guys here that I could see about setting you up with.”

Blaine grimaced. “A blind date? I don’t know, Felicia.”

“Open mind, Blaine.”

“Places everyone!” the director called out. Blaine sighed and stood up, helping Felicia up.

* * *

 

 

The night of August 6th, 2015 was a moment Blaine would never forget. Opening a new show on Broadway in one of the leading roles was a dream Blaine was unsure would ever come true, but it did. The critics were mixed on the show, but the majority had nice things to say about Blaine and his costars. Cooper and Sam met Blaine in his dressing room post show with bouquets of flowers.

The rest of the weekend flew by, all four shows Friday and Saturday went off without a hitch. Sunday afternoon they ran into a lighting issue, but the show otherwise ran smoothly. It was exhausting, but Blaine was abuzz with energy and excitement. Felicia took him out drinking Sunday night in celebration, all of their party crashing back at her place early the next morning.

Even though Blaine had Monday off from the show, he couldn’t just sit at home and do nothing. He convinced Felicia and Greg, her boyfriend, to join him at Callbacks for a performance. While Blaine parked the car, Felicia and Greg went inside to find them a table. As Blaine entered Callbacks, he was ecstatic when he ran into Marley, someone he hadn’t seen since graduation.

“Oh my god, Blaine?” Marley had screeched, rushing over to give him a huge hug. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been great. I see you and Jake are still together?”

She nodded and smiled, lifting her hand up to show Blaine her ring. “He proposed a month ago. What about you? You were pretty hot and heavy with that guy in High School. I’m sorry, I don’t remember his name; we only ever met once or twice.”

Blaine blushed. “Oh god, are you talking about Sebastian?” Blaine shuddered. “I’d hardly call what he and I had ‘hot and heavy’.”

Marley frowned. “Sebastian? I don’t think that was name.”

“Either way, Sebastian was nothing more than a friend… a very persistent friend. I haven’t talked to him since we graduated.”

Marley smiled at him. “I’m sure you’ll find someone, Blaine. You were always the most charming of our group.”

“Marley Rose?” Pascal called out from the front of the room.

“That’s my cue. You should sign up, too.”

Blaine smiled. “I was planning on it.” As Marley made her way up to the front, Blaine swerved through the tables to head over to the bar. He ordered a plain Coke and added his name to the roster. He meandered to the front and sat himself at the table Felicia and Greg were currently sitting at.

He tapped his foot along as Marley sang a trimmed down version of “Run” by Snow Patrol. She really had the most beautiful voice. As Marley continued to sing, Blaine thought back to McKinley and the New Directions. His high school experience was an odd one – attending three separate High Schools part of that reason. Westerville High was something he tried his best never to remember. Dalton was an oasis but it had been a cage. McKinley was where he’d truly shined. He’d made quick friends with Finn, Tina, and Sam, but his best friend would always be Steven. The blond haired boy had transferred to Dalton after being bullied at McKinley, and Blaine had taken him under his wing, never looking back. They’d bonded over their upbringings and their lack of a dating life and their shared dislike of Sebastian. They’d tried to keep their friendship going when Steven moved to New York, but the distance was hard and they’d had a huge blow up over Eli. Blaine hadn’t heard from him since.

Since they’d planned on Blaine moving in with him the next year, Blaine had to make other plans for a place to stay. He’d ended up renting an apartment with two people he went to school with. They were nice, but Blaine never became friends with them, so when Blaine moved in with Cooper he cut all ties.

 

“All right, Callbacks, give it up for Marley Rose!” Pascal voice pulled Blaine from his reverie. “Can I have everyone give a warm welcome to our next performer, Blaine, to the stage?”

 

Blaine accepted a pat on the shoulder from Felicia as walked up to the stage. He smiled at Pascal and asked if he could play the piano. He sat himself at the keyboard and splayed his hands over the keys. For whatever reason, Blaine felt teleported back to Senior year when he performed during Guilty Pleasures week. He’s sung the song about Steven, upset at their fight from a few months prior. Steven had been convinced that Blaine had feelings for him (and maybe he had, Blaine wasn’t even certain) and told him that it would be best if they broke off communication, that he could never look at Blaine as anything other than a good friend. Blaine had been crushed, but he’d learned to move on.

 

For whatever reason, Blaine’s fingers started playing the familiar chords, his voice joining tentatively.  
  
 _“Take a look at me now'cause that's just an empty space_   
But to wait for you is all I can do and that's what I've got to face  
Take a good look at me now ‘cause I'll still be standing here  
And you coming back to me is against all odds

_It's the chance I've got to take”_ _  
  
_

He couldn’t pull his eyes from the keyboard, his mind full of images of bright blue eyes, ones Blaine was certain he’d never seen before but he couldn’t shake them. When he finished up the song, he finally raised his eyes to meet those of his friends. Felicia had tears in her eyes which she wiped quickly, gripping Greg’s hand in hers and giving Blaine a small smile.

 

Marley came up with Jake to greet Blaine when he stepped off stage.  “Jake and I are going to head over to Junior’s for some cheesecake. Would you like to join us?”

 

 “Did I hear something about cheesecake?" Blaine turned to face Felicia, who’d come to stand behind him. The excitement was clear on her face.

 

Blaine nodded. “Marley and Jake, this is my friend Felicia and her boyfriend Greg. Guys, this is Marley and her fiancé, Jake. They’re friends from High School.  They invited us to Junior’s.”

 

“That sounds terrific,” Greg responded, wrapping an arm around Felicia’s waist. “I’ll pay our tab if you guys want to grab the car and meet me out front.”

 

Blaine slipped Greg a few bills and followed Marley, Jake, and Felicia out of the building. When he turned back to look at their table and make sure they hadn’t left anything, his eyes caught a familiar flash of blue towards the back of the room. A man sat talking animatedly with a short girl. Due to the darkened interior, he couldn’t make out more than the man’s silhouette. “It’s not like I’m proposing – it’s just a date,” he heard him say.

Whoever he was, there was no reason to go and say hello. It was obvious he was there with the girl. Blaine turned and left the building.

 

End Notes:

**Another short chapter that's kind of fillery, but it's necessary. I'm hoping Blaine isn't confusing you guys with what he does and doesn't remember. More will be explained as the story goes on, but Blaine's memories of Kurt are completely gone. What he remembers of McKinley and Dalton will be explained in due time. If you have any questions, you can PM me them and I'll answer them.**

**I just finished writing chapter 30. We're nearing the end. I only have 9 more chapters to write and then I'll be done. With so many future chapters written, I'm planning on posting chapters every other day if I can so that you guys can catch up to present time.**

**As always, reviews are lovely.**


	25. Chapter 25

_What day is it and in what month_

_This clock never seemed so alive_

_I can't keep up and I can't back down_

_I've been losing so much time_

_It's you and me and all the other people_

_And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you_

_Something about you now that I can't quite figure out_

 

 

"Blaine."

 

Blaine looked up when he heard the barista call his name. He stuffed his book into his tote and meandered his way through the early morning crowd to grab his coffee. After slipping the cozy on his cup, he walked to the station where he could add cinnamon to his medium drip. Two shakes later, he was placing the top on his coffee and turning to leave the coffee shop. He was unprepared for someone to be standing directly behind him.

 

His body slammed quite hard into the gentleman's body and Blaine squealed as his coffee spilled down his front.

 

"Oh my god," came the breathless voice of the man he'd bumped into. "I am  _so_ sorry. Are you okay?"

 

Blaine grimaced as he saw the disaster that was his coat and pants. They were sopping wet, dark liquid dripping off of him and onto the floor. For once, he was thankful for how cold the weather was; his coat had spared him from burning his skin. "It's okay."

 

"But it's not," the man responded. Blaine finally raised his gaze to look at who he'd bumped into. The man was stunning, knocking the breath clear from his lungs. He looked like he'd walked right off the runway. He looked guilty, his bottom lip red from where he was biting it. "If you don't get that coat to the dry cleaners right now, it'll be ruined forever." The man met Blaine's gaze, and when he did, the man gasped, his eyes lighting up with recognition. "Oh, hello."

 

"Hello," Blaine said, trying desperately to figure out why the man looked so familiar, even when he was certain they'd never met before. It was only when he looked into the man's eyes that he felt his heart give a jolt. It was those bright blue eyes he'd been seeing when he lay in bed at night or when his mind wandered during the day. "Do I know you?"

 

The gentleman shook his head. "Not really. I was at Callbacks when you played the other night. You're very talented."

 

Blaine felt his cheeks color, unable to keep his gaze on the man's. "I'm nothing special." Blaine was never able to accept compliments easily.

 

"You really are." Blaine felt the man place a hand on his arm. When Blaine looked up at him, the man was looking down at a watch on his wrist, frowning when he saw what time it was. "I am late for work." He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a wallet, removing a twenty. "This should cover the cost of dry cleaning and a new coffee. Again, I am  _so_  sorry."

 

Blaine just shook his head. "It's really no problem. It's not like it's the first time I've spilled something on myself." He laughed at himself, offering the man a friendly smile and accepting the money. "Thank you."

 

The man excused himself and walked quickly from the store. It was only after he was long gone that Blaine realized he'd never had gotten his name.

 

Blaine had been lonely for a long time and he was beyond ready to find The One. The man he'd bumped into just now was gorgeous and Blaine would be very willing to take him out to dinner to see where things went. He'd never successfully asked a guy out, so once again he was left with no prospects for a boyfriend. The last time he'd tried asking someone out had been Jeremiah and that had been an unmitigated disaster. Maybe a song about sex toys wasn't the best thing to serenade someone with in public.

 

Blaine sighed. He could beat himself up about missing the opportunity to get a name and phone number from the guy, or he could accept defeat. Blaine walked over to the counter and got back in line. He ordered himself another medium drip, looking up the directions for the nearest dry cleaners in his phone.

 

* * *

 

The dry cleaners down the road from Blaine and Cooper's new apartment, which they'd moved into that morning, made quick work of Blaine's coat and it looked as good as new. It was like a miracle – they were able to find an affordable apartment in Bushwick that was ready for move-in immediately. They called the moving company and had their belongings set to arrive the next day. For the time being, they purchased an air mattress from the convenience store down the road.

 

Since they had no furniture, Blaine and Cooper decided to take a walk around Central Park. It was a nice day out and the park was full of people. "So tell me about this guy."

 

"What guy?" Blaine asked, his face as innocent as he could make it.

 

"Don't play dumb with me. I heard you gushing over him to Felicia last night. Spill!"

 

Blaine colored. "There isn't much to tell. We ran into each other… literally, and he paid for my coffee and to get my coat dry cleaned."

 

"I distinctly remember you telling her something about a cute ass."

 

"Coop!" He shushed his brother, looking around to make sure no one was listening in.

 

"Tell me something; did you point at him? If you did, I'm sure he would have known that you were interested."

 

Blaine raised his eyebrow. "We've gone over this, Cooper. You can't just go around pointing at people. It's rude."

 

"Did you serenade him? You know how much your last guy  _loved_  that." Cooper smirked at him.

 

"Shut up!" Blaine smacked him on the shoulder. "You said you'd stop bringing that up."

 

"Aww, come on Blainey, it's hilarious." He put his arm around Blaine's shoulder and rested his head on top of Blaine's. "And really, if the guy isn't flattered by you singing about sex, he's not worth your time."

 

"Oh my god, Coop. You're so embarrassing! I don't know why I asked you to move here with me."

 

Cooper smiled at him, chuckling under his breath. "You love me, Blainey, admit it."

 

Blaine sighed. "God help me, but I do."

 

"Serious advice – you need a plan of action. First step is to keep going to that coffee shop because he's bound to show up there again. You need a play-"

 

"Play?"

 

"Yeah. Do you go for 'shy and innocent' or 'sexy bad boy' or 'smoldering temptress'?"

 

Blaine snorted. "Smoldering temptress?"

 

"What? It worked for that chick in Moulin Rouge."

 

"Why can't I just be myself?"

 

Cooper tutted. "Have you looked at yourself lately?"

 

"Hey!"

 

"You're a good looking guy, Blaine, but you dress like a grandpa."

 

Blaine sighed, shaking his head at his brother. "Why did I agree to let you come with me, again?"

 

"Because you love me," Cooper sing-songed.

 

"Not for much longer if you keep this up."

 

"Why don't I make it up to you? Why don't I buy you a nice outfit so you can go out with your friend to the bar? You can practice some openers on the guys there, warm up for coffee boy."

 

Blaine paused, considering it.  _I could always use some nice clothes. I won't even have to try and hit anyone up – Cooper won't be there so he'll never know_. "Sure, but you have to promise to let me choose whatever clothes I want and you can't say anything bad about it."

 

"I refuse to let you spend my good money on too-short pants, a polo shirt, and bow tie. How about a compromise? We let your friend pick out your outfit."

 

"I guess I could do that."

 

* * *

 

Felicia had gone berserk when Blaine asked if she'd come shopping with him. Apparently she'd wanted to dress him ever since she'd met him.

 

"Blaine, your ass is amazing. It deserves to be highlighted." Felicia pulled out a pair of leather pants and looked back and forth between them and Blaine. "This might do just the trick."

 

Blaine knew his cheeks were pink. "Can you please stop talking about…  _my ass_?" Blaine whispered. "And pick out something that doesn't look like I should be part of a biker gang or a kink club?"

 

Felicia raised her eyebrow. "You know about kink clubs?"

 

Blaine placed a hand over her mouth. "Could you please keep your voice down when we're talking about this kind of stuff? And yes, I know what a kink club is. Doesn't mean I want to look like I frequent one. Can you just pick out something nice? Something… I don't know, me?"

 

"I'm just messing with you, Blaine. I'll pick out something nice. Greg and I are rooting for you." She spent the next hour shoving Blaine into changing rooms and trying on lord knows how many clothes. Once Blaine felt ready to drop, Felicia approved his outfit and dragged him to the register.

 

Blaine was now the proud owner of a pair of tight dark-wash jeans, a black short-sleeved button up, and bright white suspenders. She'd only okayed the suspenders when Blaine handed her the green suspenders and a pink bow tie he'd picked out for himself. "Oh no. No way, Blaine." When his eyes had done that puppy-dog look that he knew would win her over, she'd compromised and let him get a plain white pair of suspenders.

 

"You are all set to knock those boys dead."

 

They made plans to meet up at Blaine's house later that night before heading to the bar together.

 

End Notes:

**I am thoroughly enjoying writing Felicia and Cooper in this. They have become my favorite characters to write for.**

 

**Since I'm now halfway done with Chapter 32, I have decided that I'll be posting 3-4 chapters a week so that I can get this done and posted before 2014. Where it stands right now, there will be 39 total chapters, but the boys are changing things with every single scene so it's up for debate how many chapters there could end up being.**

 

**I'm anxious for you guys to be where I am right now because things are hot and perfect and just...**

 

**Also, you'd be less confused about what Blaine does and doesn't remember, since that's what seems to be confusing you guys.**

 

**Please review and let me know what you're thinking.**


	26. Chapter 26

_And maybe I'll find out_

_A way to make it back someday_

_To watch you, to guide you_

_Through the darkest of your days_

_Well then I hope there's someone out there_

_Who can bring me back to you_

 

 

Blaine couldn't believe his luck; the man from The Brew was at the bar. When he and Felicia entered, she'd gone to order their drinks while Blaine looked around for a place to sit. There were only a few tables in the bar and he managed to snag the only empty one.

 

He scanned the room for Felicia, spotting her at the bar ordering Blaine's signature plain coke and her own whiskey sour. A few seats down from her was the man with the bright blue eyes he'd been dreaming about ever since he'd run into him at The Brew. He was wearing a pair of black pants that looked painted on, a cheery purple top stretched across his chest. His hair was swooped off his forehead and artfully messy. In a word, the man looked gorgeous.

 

He was talking with a man who looked none too pleasant. From what Blaine could tell, he turned the man down (the creep flicked him off) and then was approached by a young woman. He strained to listen in to their conversation, debating if he should go over and try to speak with the man. He knew he'd hate himself if he didn't at least try. What's the worst that could happen? Blaine had faced rejection before – he could recover if the man was unavailable or, heaven forbid, straight. Decided, he stood up from his table and made his way over to the bar.

 

Felicia gave him a confused look when she saw him walk by her, but Blaine figured he could explain later. He wasn't going to lose out on the opportunity to ask the man out.

 

The girl took the man's hand and smiled at him. As Blaine got closer, he could hear what they were saying. "You made a good judgment call. The guy was clearly a loser."

 

"Go dance, have fun," the man responded.

 

Blaine waited until the girl had walked away before approaching the man. "Excuse me," Blaine called out, his voice shaking slightly, his hands filling with sweat.  _I haven't sweated this much since High School when I tried asking out Jeremiah. Get it together, Blaine._

 

The man turned to face him, sucking his drink in too quickly when he spotted Blaine and proceeding to fold in on himself as he started coughing.

 

Blaine, unsure of how to deal with this turn of events, reached out cautiously and patted the man's back a few times. Once the man stopped coughing, Blaine asked, "Are you going to be okay?"

 

The man, tears in his eyes, finally met his gaze. "I will be, as soon as my lungs stop trying to come out my mouth."

 

Blaine felt his mouth crack into a smile, a chuckle escaping him.  _At least I don't feel so stupid for spilling coffee down my coat._  "We're having not the best luck in talking to each other, are we?"

 

The man tilted his head to the side, clearly confused. "What do you mean?"

 

Blaine felt his face heat up.  _You've done it again, Blaine. It was clearly an insignificant moment for him and you're trying to turn it into something more. He probably doesn't even remember it happened. He probably leads a much more interesting life than you do and you're not worth his time._ Blaine, without thinking, just started talking. He tried to back himself out of the situation with as much dignity as possible. "Oh, gosh. You probably don't remember me. We ran into each other in The Brew and you paid to have my coat cleaned. It looks good as new, in case you were wondering. Anyway, I was just trying to make a joke about how we seem to be causing near disasters every time we see each other."  _Oh my gosh. Blaine you're scaring him away. He probably thinks you're insane._ _Stop talking!_ "And I'm also rambling. I do that when I'm nervous. I try to stop but I just keep talking and I-"

 

The man smiled and held up a hand. Blaine felt his words die away when he spoke. "Why don't we just try introducing ourselves? I'm Kurt."

 

_Kurt. That's a lovely name_. Blaine couldn't help but return Kurt's smile. "Blaine," he responded. Kurt seemed to be expecting something from Blaine.  _Maybe I haven't scared him away yet. Maybe I still have a chance._  Blaine went to place his hands in his pockets until he remembered these were the pair with the weird half pockets. He ended up with his hands half lodged into the stupid pockets, awkwardly pulling them back out a moment later. "I was just wondering if maybe you'd like to dance. If you dance, that is. Not that I'm implying that I don't think you can dance."  _Blaine!_  his inner voice shouted at him.  _You have_ _got_   _to stop rambling. You sound like a fool._ "Because I think you can. I mean, look at you: your legs are-"  _Blaine!_ _Talking about how you want to strip his pants off and kiss up and down his legs is_ _clearly_ _not the best thing to do right now. You will come across as a pervert and he'll probably slap you. "-_ wow I'm not going to finish that because that would be horribly rude of me and you probably think I'm some sort of bumbling fool and I-"

 

Kurt, bless him, cut him off once more. "No."

 

His answer didn't make sense.  _Is he saying I'm not a fool? Or that I'm not rude? Or that he doesn't want to dance?_ "No?"

 

"No, I don't think you're a bumbling fool. And no, I wouldn't like to dance, but thank you for offering."

 

Blaine went into hyper drive, trying to figure out where he'd gone wrong. "Oh, gosh, you're not one of those people who aren't allowed to dance, are you? I didn't offend your religion or-"

 

"Blaine. Take a breath." Kurt gave him a small smile.

 

Blaine allowed himself to slow down and try to relax. Kurt was still smiling, so he must not have completely messed things up. Blaine wouldn't have blamed him for running the other way.

 

"I am allowed to dance and I enjoy it a lot. I just don't feel like dancing with you right now."

 

Blaine felt himself deflate. Even if Kurt was being really nice, the rejection still hurt. He'd obviously come off like a complete fool in front of the most gorgeous guy Blaine had ever seen.

 

Kurt gave him a smile that was half grimace. "Maybe your boyfriend would like to dance. Why don't you go ask him?"

 

Blaine couldn't be more confused. "Boyfriend? What boyfriend?"

 

It seemed like that was the wrong answer. Kurt's eyes glowed with what Blaine could only describe as fire and he sighed."Typical. If you'll excuse me?" Before Blaine could even respond, Kurt had whipped out his wallet and tossed money onto the bar, and stomped out of the door.

 

Blaine stood, his mouth gaping like a fish, staring at where Kurt had been only seconds ago. He jumped when he felt Felicia set a hand on his shoulder. "What did you do to him, Blaine?"

 

"I have no idea," Blaine breathed.

 

* * *

 

Blaine couldn't help but cheer when he saw Kurt at The Brew again. Kurt had clearly been confused the other night when he'd made the boyfriend comment. Blaine had never given Kurt any reason to think he was dating someone, so something else must have caused Kurt to think so. Maybe today he would have a chance to explain himself and actually ask Kurt out.

 

"Hi, Rachel."

 

Blaine would recognize that voice anywhere, he whipped around and felt his face break out in a huge smile.

 

Kurt was standing a few people back in line, phone pressed to his ear. Kurt smiled back at him before speaking into the phone once more. "Oh, for sure. I think that's a great idea, Rachel."

 

Blaine felt his heart sink. He had no idea how long Kurt would be on the phone and Blaine was unfortunately in a huge rush this morning. His director asked him to be at the theater early for a discussion about a part of the finale that wasn't working. Blaine accepted his medium drip from the barista and stepped over to the side, taking a tentative sip of the drink as he waited to see if Kurt would finish his phone call.

 

Blaine tried his best to look inconspicuous as he looked Kurt over. He was wearing a peacoat in a lovely turquoise color, his pants a light cream color that, once again, looked painted on. It was really unfair how beautiful Kurt looked every time Blaine saw him. Blaine himself had rolled out of bed and pulled on the nearest comfy clothes he could find, knowing he'd be dancing all day.  _"_ Yes, Rachel I will-" Kurt's voice was cut off by the ringing of his phone. Blaine watched as Kurt's face grew red, starting at his neck and trailing up to his ears. Kurt's hands fumbled with the phone and he was breathless when he started talking again. "Hey, Rachel – call must have dropped." Kurt shook his head and smiled at Blaine.

 

Blaine returned Kurt's smile and gave a light laugh. He'd been a victim of dropped calls before. Blaine sighed when he glanced at his watch – he was running late. He'd have to leave in thirty seconds if he wanted to make it to the theater on time.

 

Blaine pulled out a card from his pocket and flipped it over to the blank side. He wrote down his phone number and a short message, debating on adding a smile to the end, before he walked over to hand it to Kurt.

 

He waited until Kurt looked up at him before handing him the card and whispering,  _"_ Have a nice day _._ " He gave Kurt a short wave and left.

 

Blaine was on pins and needles all day, waiting for his phone to ring, but it never did. A week passed the same way. Blaine was feeling extremely dejected and it showed. Felicia and Cooper did their best to cheer him up and gradually Blaine started to move on. It was obvious that Kurt wanted nothing to do with him. He had ample opportunity to call him and he never did. Blaine put all his focus into the show and he gradually forgot about Kurt.

 

End Notes:

**Another sort of filler chapter letting you know more of Blaine's side of things. Chapter 27 is Blaine's side of their first date and Chapter 28 is going to be things you've never read before.**

 

**I'm not sure when I'll be posting the next chapter because it'll either go up on Glee day or the day after both of those days are busy for fans and I'm afraid the chapter will get lost and not read by you guys.**


	27. Chapter 27

_I try to see the good in life_

  
_But good things in life are hard to find_   
_We'll blow it away, blow it away_   
_Can we make this something good?_   
_Well, I'll try to do it right this time around_   


**In honor of all the Glee nominations for the PCAs, namely Darren and Chris as best actors and Klaine as Best Chemistry, here is the last flashback chapter.**

 

* * *

 

Blaine twirled his spaghetti around his fork and eyed his companions warily. Felicia and Greg had an odd relationship. They'd broke things off romantically a few weeks ago, but they'd stayed close friends.

 

Today was the first day he'd been able to really talk to Greg. The first time they'd met had been the night at Callbacks and there hadn't been much time to interact. Greg had come to see the show earlier that day and offered to take both him and Felicia out to dinner. Blaine had no idea that Greg had an ulterior motive, otherwise he would have declined.

 

"So, Blaine, Felicia tells me you're single."

 

Blaine choked on his bite of meatball and raised his eyes to meet Greg's. "I am," Blaine responded, unsure where this was leading.

 

"There's this guy at work that I think you'd be perfect for."

 

Blaine glared at Felicia.

 

"This has nothing to do with me!" Felicia said. "Don't you glare at me, Blaine Anderson."

 

Greg laughed. "I'm guessing you're not a fan of blind dates?"

 

Blaine shook his head. "Not particularly, no. There's something weird about going to dinner with a complete stranger. I feel like I have to like him because you picked him out. I'd feel like I disappointed you guys if it didn't work out."

 

"That is seriously adorable, but unwarranted. We're human – things don't always work out. I really think you'd like this guy, though. He works with me at Vogue on the editing staff. He's got the sharpest wit of anyone I've ever met and he looks like one of those elves from Lord of the Rings."

 

"So you're setting me up with a witty Legolas?"

 

Felicia snorted, hiding it poorly in her napkin. Greg sent her a scathing look before looking back at Blaine. "He's really sweet. You should give him a try."

 

Blaine huffed. "One dinner. If I don't like the guy, you have to promise to never set me up again."

 

"It's a deal."

 

By the end of the night, Blaine had reservation at Rose's for Friday night and was frantically trying to pick out the perfect outfit. Even if Blaine didn't have high hopes for this date, he wouldn't waste the opportunity to look nice.

 

* * *

 

Blaine was halfway through reading the wine list when they most unexpected voice reached his ears.

 

"Hello, Blaine."

 

"Kurt?" He couldn't help but smile at the man. Kurt was looking stunning in a wine colored shirt and black slacks. Blaine hadn't thought about Kurt in a while, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't want to see him again and finally get to talk to him. Realizing that he was just sitting there and staring, he continued talking. "Felicia didn't tell me your name, so I had no idea it'd be you. Not that it would have changed me saying yes. Because I've been trying to ask you out for weeks. And just- wow, you look amazing. Not that you haven't NOT looked amazing and I'm rambling, wow. I'm going to just stop now." Blaine knew his face was bright red. He hadn't gotten any better at stopping the whole 'rambling when nervous around a gorgeous guy' affliction he'd acquired since meeting Kurt.

 

Kurt returned his smile and Blaine knew he was hooked. He stood up quickly and rushed around the table to pull out Kurt's chair for him. Blaine had a debate with himself about what to say.  _No small talk. Small talk's so weird. No one cares about the weather._ Kurt's voice interrupted his thoughts. "So, tell me how you ended up getting set up on a blind date."

 

_First problem solved. But this is another problem. How do I answer this question without sounding pathetic? Because there's no way I'm telling this guy that I've been dateless my entire life. I'll look even more like a fool that I usually do with him._ "Wow, we're getting heavy right away. Okay, I can do handle that." Blaine nodded. As he thought about what to say, he placed his hands on the tabletop to stop their shaking. "Well, I moved here from California with my brother a few weeks back and I barely had a chance to get a place to live, let alone start dating. Felicia, one of my costars, is a friend of Greg's. He mentioned a friend of a friend that he thought I'd hit it off with. He talked a little bit about him… well, you… and I thought I'd give it a try. I have to admit, he picked well." Blaine paused, a smile taking over his face, knowing he was going to embarrass himself with his next words, but unable to stop himself from saying them. "You are gorgeous, Kurt. It's hard to think around you."  _Way to go, Blaine. You have now moved on to official fool-dom._ Blaine could feel his leg start to jiggle under the table. "What about you? I'd think someone like you would have people banging down your door."

 

Kurt laughed, and damn if it wasn't a magical sound. "You'd be wrong." Blaine watched as Kurt's eyes dragged over his body. He could feel little pricks and tingles in their wake. "So, no one special in your life?"

 

Blaine barely held back his snort. "Unless you mean my brother, Cooper, then no. He likes to think he's the most important person in my life. I can barely stand to be around him in public. He's so embarrassing."

 

"He was your brother?" Kurt's squeaked out. Blaine watched the color drain from Kurt's face.

 

"I'm sorry?"

 

Kurt looked like his world had been turned upside down. His hands fluttered around his face. "Ignore me, I'm just having a bit of an emotional crisis."

 

_I'm an expert at emotional crises._ Blaine smiled. "Anything I can help with?"

 

"You could order us a nice wine."

 

"Sure." There was one thing still bothering Blaine about Kurt. He had seemed very genuine when he'd interacted with Kurt in the past. His lack of communication was the weirdest part of it all. Blaine couldn't be  _that_ oblivious to Kurt's interest in him, could he?  _If I don't ask, I'll just keep wondering._ "Can I ask you something, though, before we order?"

 

"Of course."

 

"Why didn't you ever call me, after I gave you my number in the coffee shop?"

 

Kurt blushed. "It was for a very silly reason. After we ran into each other at the coffee shop, I saw you in the park."

 

"Really?" Blaine thought back to the day in Central Park, trying to figure out what he could have done wrong.

 

Kurt nodded. "I saw you and who I'm now assuming is your brother. Except, I didn't know he was your brother."

 

"You thought- oh wow, Cooper will get a kick out of that."

 

"I told you it was silly. You can't blame me, though. He was all over you and talking about living together and loving you. What else was I supposed to think?"

 

Blaine felt laughter bubble up in his chest, but he held back, letting a single snort out.  _Cooper will never let me live this down if he finds out._ "He's been overly affectionate recently. I guess I understand now why you turned down my offer to dance, then." Blaine thought back to High School when everyone had been jumping down Blaine's throat over Sebastian. Apparently, Skyping with another gay guy automatically meant they were fucking. It had hurt how much his friends hadn't trusted him and accused him of things that weren't true. It really hurt that Kurt did the same thing. "I wished you'd asked me, instead of just assuming. I don't – I would never do that if I was dating someone."

 

Kurt's hand was warm when he reached out and grabbed Blaine's hand. "I'm sorry. I have this habit of jumping to conclusions. I'm working on that."

 

"Well, let's agree to put all that behind us and have a nice night."

 

"That sounds lovely." Kurt once again looked Blaine up and down. "Now that I don't think you're a cheating bastard, I'd like to return the compliment you gave me earlier. You look gorgeous tonight, Blaine."

 

Blaine felt his heart flutter wildly in his chest. It wasn't every day that an attractive guy complimented him. "Thank you. I wanted-"

 

"How can I help you boys tonight?" their waitress asked.

 

"Could we order a bottle of your house wine?" Blaine smiled at her politely, confused when the waitress went bright red and Kurt laughed at him. "What?"

 

Kurt leaned his face down to rest it on his palm, giving Blaine a bemused smile. "I have seen you charm every single person you come across. It's why I had such trouble trying to avoid you these past few weeks. You are way too adorable for your own good."

 

While being adorable wasn't what Blaine was going for, Kurt made it seem like the highest compliment. "I find that very hard to believe. I've lost the ability to speak properly every time we've bumped into each other. I thought you'd think I was some unintelligent loser not worth your time of day. You're way out of my league, if we're being honest here."

 

Kurt looked confused. "Why would you say that?"

 

"Have you looked at yourself recently? You look like you should be on the runway and you have this presence about you that draws everyone in. I saw the way everyone was looking at you in that club. You're a magnet, Kurt."

 

"While that's very lovely of you to say, that's far from being true. You, on the other hand, are the magnet. You had everyone in the palm of your hand at Callbacks. When I look into your eyes, I see this story that I'm desperate to know, this intelligence and grace that I've never seen in anyone else."

 

They smiled at each other.  _I owe Greg and Felicia so much for this._

 

End Notes:

**There you have it. You're all caught up to present time. Here on out, it's new content and the whole purpose of the story. Can a once-in-a-lifetime love happen twice?**

 

**Thank you to everyone who has been so nice in their reviews.**

 

**The next chapter should be up on Friday or Saturday depending on how busy I am at work.**

 

**Also, make sure to keep voting for Glee. We need to show how much we love them and earn them their awards!**


	28. Chapter 28

_I can't take another day without you_

_Cause baby I could never make it on my own_

_I've been waiting so long just to hold you_

_And to be back in your arms where I belong_

_I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say_

_Everything I've ever known gets swept away_

_Inside of your love_

Blaine sucked down the last of the wine in his glass and set it down on the table. His head was starting to buzz and his body was warmed in the way it got when he was starting to get tipsy. Kurt and Blaine had been talking non-stop between bites. Blaine told Kurt all about the show he was working on and Kurt talked about his job at Vogue. That soon segued into a discussion about fashion and music. They found they had a lot in common, but enough differences to keep things interesting.

"I couldn't have been more than seven. Coop convinced me to put on my cousin's dress and teach me the tango. To this day, I'm not certain exactly how he talked me into it. Anyway, my Mom walked in on us mid dip and she just shook her head and walked out." Blaine chuckled, spearing the last of his steak and popping it into his mouth. "She must have thought we'd lost our minds."

"Do you and your brother make a habit of ballroom dancing?"

Blaine shook his head. "It was just the once. Coop quickly realized it was not his forte."

"More wine?" Kurt asked, holding up the bottle. He'd been pouring himself another glass prior to asking.

Blaine shook his head. "I don't handle liquor the best," he admitted, his face flushing. "According to one of my friends, the first time I drank, I made out with a girl the rest of the night." Blaine couldn't hold back his shudder.

Kurt giggled. "It's probably a good idea that you hold off then. I'd hate to have you leave with the waitress tonight."

Blaine groaned, "Oh god, I have this feeling that you won't let me live this down. I really should have kept that to myself. I- I've been telling you my deepest, darkest secrets all night. You have some good blackmail material."

"I can't really say anything. I've been telling you some juicy stuff, too. For example, I have made out with a girl as well."

"Oh really?" Blaine knew his eyebrow was raised nearly to his hair line.

Kurt nodded. "I thought I could make myself straight to appease my Dad." A dark look passed over Kurt's face but it disappeared a second later. "So I guess we've got more in common than we realized." Kurt smiled and gripped Blaine's hand. "I'm glad I agree to come tonight."

"Me too," Blaine was quick to agree.

"Could I interest either of you in dessert tonight?" their waitress asked.

"I wouldn't say no to a slice of cheesecake," Blaine said, turning to look at Kurt.

"A man after my own heart."

"Why don't we get a piece to share?"

"No." When Blaine looked confused, Kurt explained. "One thing you'll learn about me, Blaine: I don't _ever_ share my cheesecake." Kurt winked at Blaine and smiled up at their waitress. "Could you bring us two large slices of New York Cheesecake, to go?"

"Of course, sir."

"So, you're possessive about cheesecake; duly noted. Anything else I should know?"

"Nothing comes to mind. I'll keep you informed if anything comes up."

Blaine bit this lip, gazing up at Kurt through his eyelashes. "So, I noticed you said 'to go'."

"I did." Kurt's eyes sparkled with mischief. "I was thinking it might be nice to go back to my place to get to know each other better. I figured I'd have a better chance convincing you if I took your cheesecake with me."

"So, you're bribing me with dessert?" Blaine raised his eyebrow.

Kurt looked uncertain. "Yes?"

"I wish I'd thought of that earlier. If I'd known cheesecake was the way to go, I'd have tempted you with a piece weeks ago."

Kurt smiled when he realized Blaine was playing along. He shrugged. "Should-a could-a would-a."

They fought over the bill when the waitress brought it over. Eventually Blaine won, explaining that he'd tried to ask him out first all those weeks ago, so it was his turn to pay. Kurt's eyes brightened at the words 'next time'. Kurt stubbornly insisted on carrying both of their cheesecakes.

It took three quarters of the walk to Kurt's apartment for Blaine to work up the courage to take Kurt's hand. Once he did, it was like pieces of a puzzle fitting together. Kurt glanced down at their entwined hands before beaming at Blaine and continuing his story about the latest magazine article he'd put together.

"So, this is me," Kurt commented, stopping them in front of an apartment building.

"My brother and I live a few blocks east of here," Blaine commented, letting go of Kurt's hand to let him unlock the door.

"Small world," Kurt responded. "I share my apartment with my best friend, Rachel. Thankfully, she's out for the night, so we won't be interrupted." Kurt led the way up the stairs and they arrived at Kurt's apartment. Kurt was quick to unlock it and usher Blaine in.

While they'd been walking, Blaine had been thinking back to their conversation. Kurt had made several comments of this nature: 'get to know each other better' 'we won't be interrupted' _Did he invite me over to sleep with me?_ Blaine couldn't help but wonder. "Kurt, before we- I have to ask."

"Yes?"

"Okay this is really embarrassing. Are you- did you want- did you ask me here for sex?" Blaine finally whispered, his face flaming.

Kurt squeaked and brought his hands up to his cheeks. "Oh god, no. I mean, I'm sure at some point I would want- it's just- no, no, no." Kurt rushed out, his voice borderline screeching. "That's not at all what I meant. I just wanted to talk more. I don't- you're a great guy Blaine, but we don't even know each other. I'm not that kind of person."

Blaine let his breath out in a rush. "Oh thank god. I think we're on the same page here." Blaine allowed himself a small smile. "I was just wondering because of some of the things you said."

Kurt fidgeted his hands. "I guess it's pretty obvious I've never done anything like this before. I've never really had a boyfriend and definitely never had a… you know… I guess I don't know how to handle myself in this situation."

Blaine reached out slowly and gripped Kurt's hand. "There's nothing to be worried about. I've never had a boyfriend either. I'm just as new to this as you are. I think if we just talk about things, we should be okay."

"That sounds lovely," Kurt responded. "I'll go grab us something to drink. Feel free to take a look around."

Kurt walked over to the kitchen while Blaine took a short tour of the living space. There were pictures all over the shelves. Most of them were of Kurt, but a variety were of the short brunette Blaine had seen with Kurt. He assumed she was Rachel. Blaine stopped still when he saw a picture of Kurt and a large group of students. Blaine felt his eyes go wide.

"I wasn't sure what you'd like- Blaine?" Kurt's expression was concerned. "Are you okay?"

Blaine pointed to the picture he'd been staring at. "Who are these people?"

Kurt stepped closer and peered at the picture. "Oh, that's my High School Glee Club."

Blaine opened and closed his mouth a few times. "They're _my_ High School Glee Club."

"Excuse me?" Kurt asked, eyes narrowing.

"New Directions, right? I don't recognize everyone in your picture, but at least half of them were my Glee Club mates or teachers."

"That's not possible."

Blaine turned back to the picture, pointing slowly at the smiling faces. "I was in the same class as Artie, Tina, and Brittany. Mercedes, Mike, and Finn helped teach us alongside Mr. Schue."

Kurt dropped the bottle of water he was holding. "How do you- you went to McKinley too? I don't remember you."

"I transferred my senior year. Things weren't working out in my old school, so I followed one of my friends over to McKinley."

"What year was this?"

"2013."

Kurt nodded. "I graduated in 2012. We must have just missed each other." Kurt's voice was full of awe, turning to look once more back at the picture. "It really is a small world, then."

"I guess we're fellow alumni, then." Blaine said, a smile rising to his face. He bent down to pick up the water bottle Kurt had dropped. "I guess we have even more in common than we thought we did."

 

End Notes:

**It's already starting - similarities that they never realized they had with the other person. I wonder what will happen next?**

**Depending on how my writing goes this weekend, I should be posting the next chapter Sunday or Monday.**

**I just wrote the most WONDERFUL thing in Chapter 37 and I can't wait to write the next few chapters.**

**As always, reviews help me know what's working and what's not.**

**Keep voting for Klaine at the PCAs and keep crossing fingers for our annual Klaine Christmas duet.**

**Speaking of Christmas, I'm part of two Tumblr Christmas Card exchanges, so I'm writing little ficlets for them. I'm going to let them each have the chance to read and enjoy them before posting them here.**


	29. Chapter 29

_How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?_

_Would you tell me, how could it be any better than this?_

_You calm the storms, and you give me rest_

_You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall_

_You steal my heart, and you take my breath away_

_Would you take me in, take me deeper now_

_'Cause you're all I want, you're all I need_

_You're everything, everything_

 

 

In between bites of cheesecake, they ended up talking for two hours about anything and everything. As the conversation was winding down, Kurt saw Blaine glance again at the picture of New Directions on the shelf to his right. Blaine took a sip of his tea and set the cup on the coffee table. "I wonder what would have happened if we'd known each other in High School," Blaine commented, leaning his head back and relaxing into the couch.

 

Kurt picked at his nails and huffed. "I probably wouldn't have had such a hard time. Being the only out kid in High School in Ohio isn't a cake walk. I doubt Rachel would have let me hang out with you. 'Fraternizing with enemy' was a big no-no."

 

"Enemy?" Blaine snickered.

 

"You said you were a Warbler at the time. We competed against each other, I'm sure."

 

"We did, and you guys ended up beating us by doing original songs."

 

"Oh yes, I remember that year. Didn't we tie before that?"

 

Blaine nodded. "It's so odd that we were so close, but didn't meet each other until now. Funny how the world works."

 

"Especially because I was dared to spy on you guys that year. I chickened out at the last second."

 

"Mmm, too bad," Blaine responded.  _They must have sent Steven in his place._ Blaine sighed. He didn't want to talk about Steven because it would just bring up bad memories. Blaine didn't want to ruin the nice evening he and Kurt were having.

 

Kurt leaned back on the couch as well and smiled at Blaine. "Is it weird that I feel like I know you? It's so easy to talk to you."

 

Blaine reached out and swiped a lock of hair off Kurt's forehead that had fallen out of its hold. "It's weird, but I'm not going to question it." Blaine stroked his hand over Kurt's cheek. "Your skin is so soft," he whispered, his face going cherry red as he realized what he'd said. "I'm sorry. That was-"

 

Kurt shook his head, feeling his heart swell in his chest. "It was nice. No one's ever said that about me, not in a good way. Thank you."

 

They shared a soft smile. Blaine jumped when his phone buzzed. "Oh wow, it's really late," he said when he noticed the time. "I have an early call time tomorrow." He grimaced. "I wish I didn't have to leave."

 

Blaine stood up off the couch and offered a hand to Kurt. Once they'd both stood up, they simply looked at each other, unsure of how to proceed.

 

"I was wondering if it'd be okay if I kissed you," Blaine whispered, hands gripping Kurt's tightly.

 

Kurt felt his heart stutter, his body heating up with  _want_. "Yes," Kurt breathed, leaning in as he said it, pressing his lips firmly to Blaine's. Something shifted in Kurt when they were kissing. It was as if something  _not right_  in Kurt was finally fixed, as if he'd found something he'd been missing for much too long.

 

The kiss was nothing like Brittany's kiss, or Karofsky's, or even Adam's. This was raw passion and fire and Kurt felt himself giving into it. Kurt's mind was fogged with a sudden lust and he groaned into Blaine's kiss. Blaine's hands fisted into Kurt's shirt as he let out a whimper, his legs slotting between Kurt's.

 

Kurt's tongue slithered into Blaine's mouth. As they sucked and licked at each other's mouths, Kurt started backing them up towards his bedroom. When his knees knocked into the edge of his bed, Kurt pulled away from Blaine's lips with a gasp, his breathing ragged.  _"_ I need you," Kurt rasped out, pulling quickly at Blaine's shirt.

 

" _Kurt_ ," Blaine whined, his body shuddering. He let himself be undressed as his fingers struggled to pull at Kurt's shirt. Blaine groaned when Kurt had shucked off his shirt and stroked a finger over Blaine's pebbled nipple. Blaine quickly gave up on Kurt's buttons and just pulled the shirt over his head.

 

Kurt's breath caught in his throat when Blaine leaned towards him, his mouth pressing against Kurt's collarbone and sucking. Kurt's fingers dug into Blaine's shoulders hard enough to leave marks and his toes curled in his socks. " _Oh_."

 

Kurt reached down and palmed Blaine where he was hard. Blaine whined and bit down on Kurt's collarbone; it was enough of a shock to shake Kurt from the haze he was stuck in. He ripped his hand from Blaine's erection. "Blaine, stop."

 

Blaine's whole body froze and he pulled away quickly, his eyes blackened with lust. Blaine looked like he was coming out of a deep sleep, confusion clear over his face. His eyes darted down to Kurt's collar bone and his eyes widened in horror. "Oh my god, Kurt, what did I do?"

 

Kurt looked down and saw the teeth marks Blaine had left. "I don't- how did we-" Kurt shuddered and twisted his arms around his body. "I don't do this." Kurt couldn't help the tears pricking his eyes.

 

"Oh god, Kurt, I'm so sorry." Blaine scrambled around trying to pick up Kurt's shirt and turn it right side out. He held it out to him. "I don't know what made me do that."

 

Kurt shook his head, pulling his shirt on. "It wasn't just you. I was an equal participant in this. I just don't understand how we got this far so quickly. I haven't- never. Not even close to what we were doing- what we were  _about_ to do."

 

Blaine looked sheepish. "I have… once… but it wasn't anything like this. It wasn't even… Kurt, I'm sorry." He slipped his own shirt over his head. "I should leave."

 

"Blaine, wait." Blaine stopped and looked up at Kurt. "I have this feeling that, if you leave right now, I'll never see you again. That scares me more than what just happened. I like you, Blaine, and I don't want to lose this."

 

"I don't want to lose you either." Blaine took a deep breath, his eyes wandering to look at Kurt's right shoulder. "I'm sorry for biting you. That's really not… me."

 

Kurt bit his lip. "If I'm being honest, it felt really good. So, maybe you should consider doing that… later. When you actually, you know, do that with someone." Kurt flushed.

 

"Nice to know. The, uh, the scratching… felt nice, too." Blaine rubbed the back of his neck and gave a sheepish laugh. "Now that we've made this sufficiently awkward, I think I should be heading home."

 

"Could I- would it be okay if I called you tomorrow?" Kurt asked, shuffling his feet.

 

"Sure!" Blaine smiled, pulling his phone out of his pocket. They did the 'exchange phones to input your phone number' dance.

 

"So, tomorrow?"

 

"Tomorrow." Blaine echoed and made no move to leave.

 

Kurt took a few steps closer to Blaine and put his hands on his cheeks, drawing him in and kissing him slowly. He heard Blaine suck in a quick breath through his nose as Kurt captured his top lip with his own and sucked on it. Blaine fell into him, grunting when their chests bumped together, and he wrapped his arms around Kurt tightly.

 

Once again, Kurt felt his body take over, his hands moving on their own and his tongue tangling with Blaine's. Blaine made a needy sound against Kurt's lips, his hips bucking forward and pressing against Kurt's.

 

" _Blaine_ ," Kurt groaned, letting his hands trail down Blaine's body and gripping his ass in his palms. " _Please_. I want-" his voice trailed off as he bit back a moan when Blaine traced his tongue along the taut tendon in his neck. "You need to be naked right now." His voice was raspy and unrecognizable.

 

Blaine pulled away slightly to look Kurt directly in the eye. "Okay."

 

End Notes:

**I was going to post this on Sunday, but I couldn't wait. I was also going to wait to post Chapter 30 until Tuesday, but after proofreading this, I remembered how I'd left it at a cliffhanger. Depending on my work schedule tomorrow, I'll post the continuation to this Sunday or Monday.**

**Hope you enjoy the chapter, I had a blast writing it.**

**Can't wait for you to read Chapter 30.**

**Thank you again to everyone who consistently reviews my chapters, it brightens my day to see you read it and enjoy. Special shoutout to SonofLuffy, blaze2201, MrsMusicAddict, EmLovesYouu, H T Elia, and Nightingale63 for always being so kind and keeping up with the story.**

**Thank you to everyone who has followed, favorited, reviewed, and sent messages. I read and respond to everything, even if it's just a simple thank you in return.**


	30. Chapter 30

_Find me here, speak to me_

_I want to feel you, I need to hear you_

_You are the light that's leading me_

_To the place where I find peace again_

_You are the strength that keeps me walking_

_You are the hope that keeps me trusting_

_You are the light to my soul_

_You are my purpose, you're everything_

Blaine shot up, suddenly wide awake. He blinked his eyes quickly to get rid of the blur, his eyes taking in walls… curtains that he didn't recognize. He felt panic seize him as he looked around frantically for something familiar.

As he took in his surroundings, he noticed that he seemed to be completely nude. He glanced down and spotted a head of brown hair peeking out of the blankets that he himself was wrapped up in. _Kurt_.

The sight of the man brought a smile to Blaine's face, even as his body grew cold. It was obvious that they'd had sex. Blaine could remember it all as clear as if it had just happened moments before. Kurt had been needy and rough as he pulled Blaine out of his clothes, but once they'd started touching each other, Kurt was extremely gentle. He'd gripped both of them in his hands and stroked them to a release.

Blaine had pulled Kurt to him and kissed him once more before letting Kurt up to grab some wet wipes to clean them off before falling back into bed and curling up against Blaine and they'd both fallen asleep.

Blaine climbed out of bed to search for his pants. Once he found them, he pulled his phone out and unlocked it. 5:00 am. He had plenty of time to shower (if Kurt would let him use his), get dressed, eat something, and get to the theater for a run-through before the matinee.

Blaine set his phone back down and glanced down at his sleeping companion. Kurt looked amazing in the sunlight that filtered through the curtains around his bed. He had a serene smile on his face, his head nestled in his arms and the blanket burritoed around him.

As Blaine went to sit back down next to him, he jostled the mattress. Kurt snuffled and lifted his head up, his eyes blinking quickly. "Blaine?" he asked, confusion scrunching his forehead up. "What are you- oh my god," Kurt squeaked, eyes taking in Blaine's naked body before pulling the covers up to his chin and averting his eyes. "You're naked."

Blaine tried to bite back his smile as he pulled a small blanket from the floor over the lower half of his body. "You are too."

Kurt frowned and peered under the blankets, gasping at what he saw. "Oh god, that wasn't just a dream." He bit his lip and attempted to sit up in a way that wouldn't reveal more of his body than absolutely necessary. His eyes trailed from Blaine's eyes down to his bare chest, his pupils dilating. "A very good dream…and you're still here," he said slowly before meeting Blaine's gaze again. "Don't people usually leave in the middle of the night when this sort of thing happens?"

"They do if it's a one-night stand." Blaine placed a hand on top of Kurt's. "I thought after everything we'd talked about that we'd be more than that. Granted, I didn't expect to end up in bed with you last night, but I won't regret it. You made the experience what I always hoped my first time would have been."

"It was good?" Kurt sounded uncertain.

"It was for me. I hope it was for you."

Kurt could only nod. "I don't even know how this happened." He waved his hands at both of them. "Last thing I remember was you giving me your number and saying I could call you tomorrow. I'm sorry if I pressured you or-"

"You didn't," Blaine was quick to cut in. "Like I said, it was sooner than I had thought, but it was really nice. I just hope this doesn't mess things up for us. I still want to get to know you."

"Me too," Kurt smiled brightly at Blaine. "Why don't I make some breakfast while you shower? I have some clothes that might fit you if you don't want to wear your same clothes." Kurt went to stand up before he caught sight of his own naked body once more. His skin pinkened from his torso up to his ears. "Could you- could you maybe close your eyes until I get some pants on?" Kurt sounded mortified.

Blaine giggled, comically covering his eyes. "It's not anything I didn't see last night, Kurt."

"Yeah, well, I still want you to close your eyes."

Blaine peeked through his fingers and watched as Kurt struggled to pull on some boxer briefs and his pants from last night. Kurt had to shimmy and twist to pull them on. Kurt frowned when he spotted Blaine.

"Oh my god, Blaine." He picked up his pillow from the bed and threw it at his head. "Maybe I won't give you clothes to borrow. Maybe I'll make you do the walk of shame to work." His comments were tempered with a smile. "What would you like for breakfast? I make a mean French toast."

"That sounds delicious." Blaine twisted to put his feet on the floor and reached for his underwear and pulled it on, smiling when he spotted Kurt's eyes zeroed in on his bare backside. "Who's being the Peeping Tom now?"

Kurt just snickered and walked away.

Blaine stretched his arms above his head and sighed when his spine popped a few times. Last night had been a whirlwind of emotions ending with something completely unexpected but not unappreciated. Blaine stood up and shuffled his way over to the bathroom. In a few minutes, steam was pouring of the shower. He stepped in and cleaned himself off, using a bit of what he assumed was Kurt's shampoo to clean the congealed gel out of his hair.

Blaine thought back the only other "morning after" he'd had. After the not quite enjoyable handjob he'd received from Eli, he made quick work putting his clothes back on. He'd never felt more uncomfortable and dirty than he had at that moment. He'd left while Eli had been washing up in the bathroom and hadn't seen him since.

What he'd shared with Kurt had been so different. Instead of feeling used, he'd felt such _rightness_. It was why it was so easy to just fall asleep together afterwards. Kurt was warm and kind and beautiful and Blaine couldn't get enough of him. He felt a wave of arousal fill his belly. As he felt his dick harden, he glared down at it. "Nuh uh, no way. Not right now. You've done enough. You're lucky you didn't get us in trouble, mister." _Oh_ _god_ , _you're talking to your dick. You've really lost it, Blaine._ He washed the shampoo out of his hair and turned the shower off. He dried himself off as quickly as possible, wrapping one towel around his waist while he used the other to dry his now unruly curls as best he could.

Kurt knocked on the door as Blaine hung the towel on the rack. "I have some clothes for you if you'd like to get dressed." Kurt's arm stuck through the crack in the door, a shirt and pants clutched in his hand. "Do you like syrup or jelly on your French toast?"

"Syrup would be great." Blaine accepted the clothes from Kurt and hurried to put them on. He had to roll the edge of the jeans up a few times for his feet to pop out and the shirt had to be tucked into the pants so that it looked less like a dress on him than it was. He raked his fingers through his curls and spritzed a little of Kurt's hairspray on it to hold them in place.

When Blaine exited the bathroom, he was met with the delicious smell of breakfast and fresh brewed coffee.

"Feeling better?" Kurt asked as he placed another French toast on a platter.

"Much, thank you."

"Your phone rang while you were in there."

"Oh, thanks." Blaine walked over to the dresser that he'd set his phone on and read through the missed text quickly.

" _Assume you got some last night. Good on you, Squirt. Call me when you plan on actually coming home."_ The message from Cooper read.

Blaine chuckled. "It's from my brother," Blaine explained. "Just checking to make sure I was okay since I didn't come home last night."

"Oh. You don't think he-"

"Knows what happened? Oh yeah, I'm sure he knows. He's apparently quite proud of me." Blaine shook his head. "I never quite understood the idea that sex is an achievement for a guy, but to each his own I guess." Blaine placed his phone in his pocket and sat down at the table where Kurt had placed a plate. He took a bite of the French toast and groaned. "This is delicious."

"Thank you." Kurt smiled and sat down next to him.

They ate in silence for a few minutes. Blaine finally worked up the courage to ask Kurt something he'd been thinking about since he stepped out of the shower earlier that morning. "I have to work all day today and tomorrow, but I have Monday off. I wondered if you might like to join me for lunch or dinner."

Kurt swallowed his bite of food before responding. "Monday's my late day at work." At Blaine's frown, Kurt continued. "I get an hour for lunch. Maybe you'd like to meet at a café down the road?"

"Sure! What time would be best?"

"Lunch is never a set time for me. How about I call you?"

"It's a date."

They smiled at each other once more before continuing to eat their breakfast.

 

End Notes:

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter as much as I did writing it. Oh, if only Cooper knew who Blaine just 'got some' with, he'd not be as happy for Blaine.**

**As long as the schedule allows, next chapter should be up Tuesday.**

**I just flipped out over the fact that I have now surpassed 50,000 words for this story (60.7k with 4-5 more chapters to write). Thanks for everyone sticking with me and I hope you keep enjoying this :)**


	31. Chapter 31

_I know that face I can see behind it_

_And you're hiding something he won't understand  
Something in me is still with you: do you feel it too?  
So I'm asking, are you in love? And is this really you?_

The next two weeks, Kurt and Blaine met each other for lunch four days and for dinner one night. They gradually learned more about each other and their pasts and Kurt couldn't help but fall harder and harder. It wasn't until after their second dinner date that everything changed. Blaine had dropped him off at the apartment with a soft goodnight kiss (okay, so maybe, Kurt had pushed him up against the wall of the building and possibly bit down on his lip a little too hard, and Blaine potentially rocked against him a few times before they both managed to pull away from each other) and Kurt had walked up three flights of stairs to his and Rachel's apartment with no recollection of doing it.

Rachel took one look at him and frowned. "Okay, Kurt. Spill. You have been floating around all week with a dopey smile on your face. What's his name?"

Kurt glanced up from where he was pulling his shoes off. "Am I that obvious?"

Rachel just laughed. "It's nice to see you this happy. I'd like to meet the guy to put that smile back on your face."

"Do you remember Callbacks last month?"

Rachel nodded. "Yeah, why?"

"I got set up on a blind date last week with that guy who I saw playing the piano." He didn't notice that Rachel's face started to drain of color. "His name's Blaine, and oh my god, Rachel, I like him a lot. He's gorgeous and funny and sweet and everything I've been looking for."

"That's… that's great, Kurt." Rachel sounded uncertain. "So, uh… you guys hit it off?"

Kurt beamed. "Yeah. We had so much in common that we ended up talking for hours. It's so weird. He grew up in Ohio, just like us. He even went to McKinley."

"He did?" While her face looked surprised, her tone was anything but.

"Yeah. He transferred the year after we graduated. It's too bad we never went back and visited. I could have met him earlier. Oh well, at least we met now."

"Fancy that. Listen, Kurt. I'm not sure about him. He-"

Kurt frowned at her. "I know you said some not nice things about him when you first saw him. I just hoped you'd be happy for me. I _really_ like him and I'm going to keep seeing him whether you like him or not."

Rachel bit her lip. "I just want you to be careful. You never know about people these days."

"I am being careful." Kurt flushed, remembering his trip to the drug store the other day. He'd spent nearly an hour perusing the condom aisle debating what he'd need to purchase for the next time he and Blaine spent the night together. Since their first time, the situation never leant itself to anything more than a few chaste kisses (or not so chaste if tonight was any indication) before parting ways. Kurt could feel the arousal simmering in him when he was around Blaine. All it took was a touch of Blaine's fingertips on his skin and Kurt felt the need to jump the man and rip his clothes off and get dirty.

It should have scared Kurt, the level of sexual tension that coursed through him when he was around Blaine. They'd jumped into bed after only knowing each other for a couple hours and that just wasn't something Kurt ever saw himself doing. But it was like Blaine had said that next morning. He didn't regret it. It had been slow and gentle and sweet and Kurt had felt this overwhelming feeling of comfort and love from Blaine that he hadn't known he'd been desperate for until that very moment.

He and Blaine hadn't talked about that night. Kurt knew from a few things Blaine said that he'd never dated anyone, but he'd said something about it not being his first time. Kurt was curious the circumstances around that, but was not the least bit courageous enough to ask. He wanted to know how experienced Blaine was, because Kurt knew nothing more than what a few pamphlets from the local health center said. He'd tried watching porn once, but had been so horrified that he'd turned it off after a few seconds. How would you even ask someone about that? _Tell me about the other time you had sex. Did you touch his butt? Did he touch your butt? Was there butt touching?_ Kurt giggled, picturing the fish from Finding Nemo. _"He touched the butt."_

"What's so funny?" Rachel asked, hands on her hips.

"Nothing I want to tell you about. Listen, I'll bring him over sometime so you guys can meet. You can see just how nice he is and hopefully get the stick out of your butt."

Rachel gasped. "Kurt!"

"What? It's true! You've been nothing but rude about him and I won't stand for it."

"Fine. I'll agree to meet him and be kind, but I'm allowed to make my own opinion of him after, okay?"

"Agreed."

* * *

A few days after Kurt had told Rachel that she could meet Blaine, he finally worked up the courage to bring it up. He and Blaine were just finishing up dinner. "I was wondering if you'd like to meet my roommate Rachel."

Blaine's eyebrows rose in surprise. He wiped his face off with his napkin. "Sure. Coop's been bugging me about meeting you, too. Maybe we could get it all over with at once on a group dinner thing."

"That could be nice. We'd get the awkwardness all over at once."

Blaine nodded. "I feel like I should warn you."

"Oh?"

"Cooper can be… intimidating. If you have Rachel there, you'd at least have reinforcements."

Kurt smiled. "Maybe they'll be good for each other – Rachel's quite… energetic."

"At the very least, it should make the meal interesting. I was wondering… are you my boyfriend? I've been telling my friends that, but I realized I never actually asked if that's what we are."

Kurt's face brightened with a smile. "I'd like to think we are. I was going to tell my Dad about you the other day, but I wasn't sure if I could call you that yet. I would love to be your boyfriend."

"Great!" They smiled at each other for a few moments before returning to their meals.

When Blaine left the table to use the restroom, Kurt flagged down their waitress and paid their bill. Blaine came back and frowned when he saw the waitress hand Kurt his credit card back. "Did you just- Kurt! We agreed that it was my turn to pay!"

Kurt just shot him a cheeky smile. "Oops."

Blaine chuckled and pulled Kurt into a hard kiss. "Just be glad I like you enough to let this slide." Blaine kissed him again. "Since you nicked the bill, I think we should go back to my place instead. Coop's at our parent's for the weekend."

Kurt raised his eyebrow. "How come you're not there with him?"

Blaine's face fell. "My parents and I don't exactly… see eye to eye. Coop doesn't, either. He hasn't given up on them like I have, so he still visits them every so often. Mom makes sure to let him know just how displeased they are with his and my choice of careers." His voice was filled with venom.

Kurt didn't like the dark look on Blaine's face. He placed his hand on Blaine's. "I'm so sorry. They should love you and support you unconditionally."

Blaine smiled. "It's okay. I already have people like that in my life. Coop, Felicia… you." Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand. "I know we haven't known each other that long, but you've come to mean so much to me."

Kurt leaned forward and kissed Blaine softly. "I feel the same way."

* * *

Kurt pulled back from him and rested his forehead on Blaine's shoulder, taking several deep lungfuls of air. Blaine pressed his lips against Kurt's neck and sucked lightly. Kurt groaned and tipped his head back as heat pooled low in his belly. Blaine's hand was scorching on his thigh where'd he had placed it earlier when Kurt had sat himself on his lap.

It had become quite clear that any time he and Blaine were alone together, they were unable to keep their hands off each other. It was as if, at the touch of Blaine's hands or lips, Kurt was taken over by someone else and his body acted on its own. Kurt managed to get his hands on Blaine's shoulders and he pushed him away from where he was doing something amazing to his neck.

"Blaine, I think we need to talk."

"Okay."

Kurt almost gave in and started kissing Blaine again when he caught sight of how swollen Blaine's lips were and how dark his eyes had grown. Kurt pulled himself off Blaine's lap and sat himself a foot away on the couch lest he launch himself at Blaine. "I think we need to talk about us and… s-sex."

Blaine's eyes widened. "Oh. Okay."

 

End Notes:

**So I'm pissed about spoilers for the Glee Christmas episode. I was already pissed about spoilers for episodes before it, but the Christmas stuff was the last straw. I only watch Glee for Klaine - no joke. So if there's no Klaine, I won't be watching Glee.**

**Sigh**

**Let me know what you think about the chapter. With any luck, the next one should be up on Friday. I'm a little stuck in the current chapter I'm writing, so posting won't be as quick until I get the chance to start writing again.**


	32. Chapter 32

_I hope you're doing fine out there without me_

 

_Cause I'm not doing so good without you_

 

_The things I thought you'd never know about me_

 

_Were the things I guess you always understood_

 

_So how could I have been so blind for all these years?_

 

_Guess I only see the truth through all this fear of living without you_

 

 

Kurt fidgeted on the couch, unsure of how he wanted to start the conversation. "You and I, we… we've done things… Growing up, I told myself I would date a guy for a few months or even years before I slept with him. I guess I'm still kind of adjusting to the fact that I had s-" Kurt huffed. "You'd think I could say the word if I've already done it."

 

Blaine bit his lip. "I understand how you feel, Kurt. Growing up, sex was something I always thought would be a special and I'd share it for the first time with someone I loved."

 

"You said…" Kurt looked up at Blaine through his eyelashes. "You said that I wasn't your first. I guess I was just wondering who else… and what else you've done. You don't have to tell me if it's too uncomfortable."

 

Blaine twisted his hands in his lap. "I guess I do owe you an explanation. It was… I didn't have the best time in High School." Blaine went on to describe his friend from his first High School that he had taken to the Sadie Hawkins Dance and how they'd both been beaten by bullies. He then told Kurt about the transfer to Dalton and how he'd made friends, real friends, for the first time. He told about the crush he'd had on the boy at the Gap who'd been the first guy to ask Blaine out to coffee. He explained how he'd ruined it all with an inappropriate serenade. He told Kurt a bit about a boy named Sebastian who would make the most inappropriate comments about Blaine and told the other boys in Glee about how much he wanted to get Blaine into bed. He told Kurt about how worthless that made him feel. He seemed to gloss over his reasoning for transferring to McKinley, but Kurt wasn't going to push him for it just now. He talked about how, once he'd transferred to McKinley, he'd lost all the companionship he'd realized he'd been relying on at Dalton. How he'd felt lonelier than he ever had before. How a boy on Facebook in an LGBTQ group messaged him and asked him over.

 

"He was the first guy to compliment me. He told me how… how sexy he found me and I guess I should have known. He took me to his bedroom and he kissed me and it didn't feel right, but when I told him no, he said that I'd never have this chance again. Not there in Ohio." Blaine blinked back tears. "I was so lonely, Kurt. I gave in and I regretted it as soon as we were done. He took my clothes off and he touched me. I couldn't get away. I couldn't say no. I could only let it happen. Once we were done, I just left and I blocked him on facebook and my cellphone and anywhere else I could think of. I felt so… wrong and disgusted with myself. I told myself that I'd never do that again, and that intimacy was something special and not to be wasted. I just… I'm sorry for doing that to you, Kurt. It should have been special and I forced you into it."

 

Kurt shook his head. "You didn't force me. I already told you that. I'm sorry you had those awful experiences. You are so… special and you deserve to be treated as such. What we did together – I just hope I didn't make you feel the way that other boy did."

 

"You didn't. You made me feel, well… loved," Blaine admitted. He gripped Kurt's hand in his and stroked the back of it with his fingers. "I wanted to thank you for that, but there never seemed to be an appropriate time."

 

"I had another question that's been on my mind for a long time. I never knew how to bring it up because it's sort of embarrassing."

 

"You can ask me anything, Kurt. I won't judge you."

 

"I wanted to know if you feel what I do when we are close to each other. Whenever I'm near you, I feel like I can't get close enough to you. I mean, how long was it today before I was straddling you? Ten minutes?" Kurt gave a wry smile.

 

"I thought that was just me," Blaine breathed. He stroked his hand over the skin on Kurt's hip where his shirt had ridden up. "You're so beautiful and I just can't help myself." He slid his hand up inside of Kurt's shirt and laid his palm along where Kurt's heart was. "I can't help but want everything with you."

 

Kurt leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "I have condoms in my bag."

 

Blaine's breath hitched and his fingers tightened on Kurt. He gave a breathy laugh. "That wasn't quite what I meant by 'everything' but now that you mention it…" Blaine dove at Kurt and tackled him back on the couch, Kurt's giggles echoing throughout the apartment.

 

* * *

 

Blaine smiled as he took another picture with a fan at the stage door. "Wow, you were just… amazing… you're my favorite performer," the young boy gushed, bouncing up and down and clutching the signed playbill to his chest. He couldn't be more than 13, still gangly and not quite finished growing.

 

"He wants to be just like you when he graduates," the boy's mother said as he placed a hand on her son's shoulder.

 

"Oh, really?" Blaine squatted down slightly so that he could look directly in the boy's eyes. "Work hard and practice, but most of all, have fun and you can do anything you put your mind to." He ruffled the boy's hair and stood back up. "Thank you for coming tonight."

 

He continued down the line of fans, pausing when he spotted a familiar set of blue eyes. "Kurt?"

 

Kurt beamed. "Could I please get your autograph?" He asked, holding out his playbill.

 

Blaine laughed. "Sure." He signed his name with a flourish before pulling Kurt in close and placing a kiss on his cheek. "I can't believe you came to see my show."

 

"It was amazing.  _You_  were amazing," he corrected. "I'm sure this signed playbill will be worth millions in a few years."

 

"Oh, hush." Blaine squeezed his arms around Kurt once more before pulling away. "I have to take a few more pictures and then I can take you out for coffee or maybe some dessert." Kurt leaned up and pressed a light kiss to Blaine's lips.

 

"Oh, wow." He turned to see the boy he'd just taken a picture with staring at him with awe. "Mom, he's just like me."

 

Blaine raised his eyebrow and looked to the mother for clarification. The mother hid a smile behind her hand. "Jeremy has a boyfriend at his school. He's been having some trouble with some other boys there, but I told him that there were a lot of other people out there that were just like him."

 

Blaine felt his heart twist. He turned to face the boy once more. "What's your boyfriend's name?"

 

The boy beamed. "His name's Dean and he's my best friend. He holds my hand and he stands up for me when the other boys are being mean to us. He kissed me the other day!" The boy's cheeks brightened. "Don't tell my mom though."

 

Blaine shook his head and made a locking motion over his mouth.

 

"He's not as pretty as your boyfriend, though." He peered over Blaine's shoulder at Kurt.

 

Blaine returned the boy's smile. "He is quite pretty, isn't he? Well, I think you're pretty lucky, Jeremy, to have found someone as cool as Dean while you're so young. I didn't manage to nab this guy until a few weeks ago."

 

"Really?"

 

Blaine nodded. "Just remember that what you have with Dean is special and no one can take that away from you. There is nothing wrong with who you are and what you feel. No one has the right to tell you anything different." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, scrawling his phone number down. "If you're having any problems, you call me and I'll always be happy to talk, okay?"

 

The boy looked like he'd just been given the most precious treasure in the whole world. His hands were shaking as he looked down at the piece of paper. "Thank you so much," the boy whispered, tears pooling in his eyes. He threw himself into Blaine's arms for a hug. Blaine wrapped his arms around the boy.

 

"You're very welcome." He looked over the boy's shoulder to see his mother wiping tears from her eyes. He nodded to her when she mouthed her thanks to him. Kurt was standing next to her with the proudest smile on his face.

 

He pulled away from Jeremy and gave him the biggest smile he could. "And maybe in a few years you'll be here performing alongside me."

 

Jeremy was vibrating with energy. He thanked Blaine once more before turning to leave with his mother. Blaine took a few more pictures with the remaining fans before finding Kurt and grabbing his hand, making their way to Junior's for some cheesecake.

 

End Notes:

**I figured with a mini cliffhanger, it was mean to make you wait three days for the chapter. I hope you enjoyed. Cooper and Rachel feature heavily in the next chapter, so everyone asking about that will get those scenes. Burt and Carole will be joining in another chapter too, so yay! So it's coming up to the end. I'm struggling to fix a few issues that have come up in Chapters 38-39, but 40 is mostly written and then there's only three-ish more chapters after that (that I'm waiting to write until I see how things go in the chapters before them.**

 

**As always, reviews are so helpful and I hope you enjoy where the story's heading.**


	33. Chapter 33

_Change the colors of the sky and open up to_

_The ways you made me feel alive, the ways I loved you_

_For all the things that never died_

_To make it through the night, love will find you_

 

 

"Cooper Anderson?"

 

"Speaking." Cooper dropped himself down onto his couch and flipped idly through the channels.

 

"This is Rachel Berry. I don't know if you remember me, but I'm roommate and best friends with Kurt Hummel."

 

Cooper dropped the remote and clutched the phone tighter to his ear. "How did you get this number?"

 

"That's not important. What  _is_  important is that Kurt had Blaine erased from his memories, yet  _somehow_  Blaine managed to weasel his way back into Kurt's life. I just can't believe Blaine would go back on his word and try to trick his way into dating Kurt again."

 

"Hey, you listen here, girly. You have no right to talk about my brother that way. Blaine isn't tricking Kurt or being a weasel. Kurt was the one who ripped my poor brother's heart out and stomped on it. It took him a long time to get over Kurt and make the decision to have him erased."

 

"Oh. He… oh wow, he erased Kurt too?"

 

"Yeah. Maybe if you'd just asked me instead of insinuating that my brother is a fiend, you wouldn't have come off as rude as you just did. Blaine's made his mistakes, but he wouldn't do something like that. He's not a liar, he never has been. He's a good guy."

 

"But, then how did he end up on a blind date with Kurt?"

 

"No idea. I think one of his friends is a friend of Kurt's." Cooper sighed and shook his head. "Wouldn't it just be like them to find each other again after forgetting each other?"

 

He heard Rachel sigh. "You saw what they ended up doing to each other. I can't see Kurt go through all the pain again. What are we going to do about them?"

 

"There's really not much we can do. As far as they know, they're two guys who grew up in the same state, but just missed each other. They're falling in love and there's no way to stop it. We just have to keep an eye on them and make sure they never learn of their past together. It would kill them and I can't see Blaine that broken again."

 

"Another thing: when we go out to lunch tomorrow, we have to make sure we act like we don't know each other. We can't do anything to tip them off."

 

"Right. I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

 

"Yes."

 

* * *

 

"Before they come inside, I want you to repeat back to me the rules."

 

Cooper sighed. "We've gone over this five times, Blainey. I'm not allowed to bring up anything embarrassing from your childhood, the fact that you're getting it on with Kurt, and anything that might embarrass Kurt. You've been talking about him non-stop; I can tell how much you like him. I promise I'll be on my best behavior."

 

Blaine let out the breath he'd been holding. "Thanks. It's just… he's important to me and I don't want to mess this up. I love you, Coop but you're a lot to handle when you're being your normal self. I want to ease him into it."

 

Cooper pulled Blaine into a hug, which confused Blaine. "You know I love you, right Blaine?"

 

"Of course."

 

"I just want what's best for you. If you feel like that's Kurt, I won't stop you from going after him, even if every part of me is crying out against it." The last part was more a mumble but Blaine managed to hear it. Before he could question it, he heard the knock on their apartment door.

 

Blaine pulled himself out of Cooper's arms and turned to open the door, revealing Kurt. Once Kurt stepped inside, he reached out and pulled him into a tight embrace. "You look amazing Kurt," he breathed into his ear, rocking his boyfriend back and forth in his arms.

 

"So do you," Kurt replied, pressing a quick kiss to Blaine's cheek. When he pulled away, he took Blaine's hand in his and turned to face Rachel. "Blaine, this is my friend, Rachel Berry. Rachel, this is Blaine Anderson, my boyfriend." There was such pride in Kurt's voice when he said the word 'boyfriend'."

 

"Pleasure to meet you," Blaine said, holding out his hand to shake Rachel's. There was this  _look_  in her eyes that he couldn't read, but it quickly went away. Rachel smiled at him and shook his hand. "The pleasure is mine."

 

Blaine turned Kurt around to face his brother. "Kurt, this is my brother Cooper. Coop, this is Kurt, my boyfriend."

 

He could tell the moment Kurt realized who Cooper was. He felt his boyfriend start bouncing up and down, his breathing picking up. "Oh my god, Blaine, you never told me your brother was famous! The Free Credit Rating Today song was my ringtone all junior year." He held out his hand to shake Cooper's. Cooper had an oddly sad smile on his face when he gripped Kurt's hand.

 

"It's nice to meet you, Kurt. Blaine's told me a lot about you."

 

"Really?" Kurt's cheeks went slightly red.

 

Cooper nodded and turned to face Rachel. "Hello, I believe Kurt said your name was Rachel?"

 

She nodded. "And you're Cooper? It's nice to meet you."

 

"Lunch should be ready in a few minutes," Blaine said. "Rachel, why don't you and Cooper relax on the couch? Kurt, if I could get some help getting the tablecloth from my room?"

 

"Sure." Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand and followed him into Blaine's bedroom.

 

* * *

 

Kurt and Blaine were in his room for longer than it should take to grab a tablecloth. Rachel and Cooper sneaked their way over and peered around the corner to see Kurt and Blaine kissing. Kurt pulled away from Blaine to take a breath and Blaine's lips chased him, a whine sounding from his throat.

 

"I love you, Blaine." Kurt whispered, his eyes fluttering open, shock and awe shining in them.

 

Blaine's breath whooshed out of him and his eyes shot open. He gazed at Kurt with the most heartfelt expression Cooper had ever seen on his face. "I love you too, Kurt." Blaine leaned forward and kissed Kurt again, his arms tightening around him and his body crushing against Kurt's. "You make me so happy."

 

Kurt let out a breathless giggle. "Not as happy as you make me." He curved his body into Blaine's and pulled him into another searing kiss.

 

Cooper felt Rachel back herself away and he followed. They walked back to the living and sat next to each other on the couch. "Well, I guess it really is too late," Rachel said, putting her chin in her hand. "Kurt hasn't been this happy since he and Blaine started dating the first time. I can't take this from him, even if I have this horrible fear that history is going to repeat itself."

 

Cooper rubbed a hand over his forehead and sighed. "They're older and more mature than last time. Maybe they won't make the same mistakes."

 

"At this point, all we can do is hope. We can't break them up, not when they're this happy and in love."

 

They both looked up when Kurt and Blaine came back into the room, their hands clasped tightly together and lovesick expressions on their faces.

 

"You guys were gone for awhile. Had trouble finding the tablecloth, Blainers?" Cooper asked, a smirk on his face.

 

Blaine flushed brightly. "Yeah. I really should have finished unpacking before inviting Kurt and Rachel over for a nice meal." Blaine let go of Kurt's hand and brought the cloth over to the table to cover it. Kurt walked over to the couch and sat himself down next to Rachel.

 

"So, Blaine said you've been living in California for a while. What's it like?" Kurt asked.

 

Cooper started talking about California, Kurt nodding and oohing and ahhing at the appropriate times. Unlike the people in show business that Cooper typically hung out with, Kurt seemed genuinely interested in what he had to say. Cooper had forgotten how much he'd like Kurt, before he and Blaine had broken up. Blaine really had picked well, even if things hadn't worked out the first time. He could only hope that, with clean slates, Kurt and Blaine would work out this time around.

 

End Notes:

**I adore writing Cooper and I enjoy writing him and Rachel conspiring together even more. I wish I had more room in this story to write them in, but it just doesn't fit, so you'll have to just enjoy their scenes in this chapter.**

 

**What do you guys think is going to happen next? Will Kurt and Blaine discover what they've done or will they be oblivious forever?**

 

**Please review and let me know what you're thoughts are and what you're enjoying. Next chapter should be up sometime between Saturday and Monday.**

 

**Also, holy crow, still reeling over all of Kurt's skin we got to see on last night's episode.**


	34. Chapter 34

_Sit talking up all night_

_Saying things we haven't for a while_

_We're smiling, but we're close to tears_

_Even after all these years_

_We just now got the feeling_

_That we're meeting for the first time_

 

 

Once Cooper and Rachel had left (Cooper to work, Rachel back home), Kurt and Blaine had fallen on each other, still giddy over the successful lunch and their admission of love a few hours earlier. After an hour of lazily kissing, Kurt finally spoke up. "I was wondering…" Kurt started, his fingers playing with the button on Blaine's jeans.

 

"Yes?" Blaine asked, pulling away from where he was sucking an impressive hickey on Kurt's neck.

 

Kurt glared down at him. "I didn't say you could stop doing that."

 

"Yes, sir," he said, a cheeky smirk on his face. Blaine dutifully bent back down and licked over where the skin had turned a purplish/red.

 

Kurt resumed playing with the waistband of Blaine's pants, his head falling back to rest on the pillow to give Blaine better access. "Anyway, I was wondering if you'd come with me when I go to Ohio next week. It's my parent's fifth wedding anniversary and they're throwing a big bash."

 

Blaine pulled away from Kurt's skin and leaned back to look Kurt in the eyes. "Are you asking me to come meet your parents?" There was a hint of panic in his golden gaze.

 

"Sort of. It's not about you meeting them as much as it is me having someone to finally show off to my family and friends." Kurt took a deep breath. "I've only ever had one boyfriend before, Adam," Blaine nodded, acknowledging that he remembered Kurt's stories about him, "and he wasn't the kind of guy I felt like I wanted to introduce as my boyfriend. You, on the other hand, are important to me. I'd be so proud to have you on my arm."

 

Blaine eyes shone with such love, unshed tears pooling in the lower lids. "That's all I've ever wanted, to have someone be proud of me." Blaine took Kurt's hands in his own and kissed the backs of them. "I would be honored to accompany you."

 

"Terrific!" Kurt's mouth widened into a toothy grin. "Now that that's out of the way, I think we should go back to celebrating a successful lunch with our roommates."

 

"You have all the best ideas."

 

"You're only just realizing this?" Kurt asked, reaching out and gripping Blaine's ass in his hands and squeezing, earning a grunt from his boyfriend.

 

Blaine snickered before letting his mouth relax into a smile. "I love you so much, Kurt."

 

Even if they'd only just said those words for the first time today, it felt like it was the easiest thing to say to each other. It was as if the love was bubbling up in them and they had to work to contain it. Kurt didn't want to contain it anymore, not when it felt so wonderful and perfect. "Love you, too," Kurt responded finally leaning down and letting their lips connect in a kiss.

 

* * *

 

Blaine was a nervous wreck by the time that he and Kurt arrived at the Hummel/Hudson home. Cooper hadn't been any help, going on and on about how Kurt's Dad probably had a shotgun and would shoot Blaine if he didn't like him. Kurt could have shot Cooper himself for doing that to Blaine. Kurt had tried to calm him down, rubbing a hand up and down Blaine's arm as they drove to Ohio.

 

By the time they pulled into the driveway, Blaine's legs were trembling. He'd told Kurt about his fears the night before as they laid in bed together. That it was probably the most important day of his life. That, if he didn't impress Kurt's Dad and Stepmom, he could lose Kurt forever and that just wasn't acceptable.

 

Kurt had tried to take away Blaine's fears, but it was obvious that Blaine was still terrified.

 

"You said you already told them about me?" Blaine confirmed, taking in the sight of the two story house in front of him.

 

"Yes. They know the basic gist of how we met and a little bit about your show. Just enough so that they have something to talk to you about."

 

Kurt thought back to the odd conversation he'd had with his Dad the previous week.

 

" _Hey, Dad, I need to tell you something important."_

 

" _What is it, kiddo?"_

 

" _I'm seeing someone."Kurt knew his voice had risen in pitch, but he couldn't contain his excitement._

 

" _That's… that's fantastic, Kurt. What's his name? How long have you been dating?"_

 

" _His name's Blaine, and we've been dating for 2 months." At his Dad's silence on the other end of the line, Kurt felt his heart clench. "Dad?"_

 

" _Yeah, I'm here. So, this Blaine…" His Dad's voice took on an odd quality. "How did you meet?"_

 

_Kurt felt a smile creep up on his face. "Blind date. Dad, he's… he's perfect. I can't wait for you to meet him. I know you'll love him as much as I do." He heard his Dad take in a sharp breath. "I know it's only been two months, but he's unlike anyone else I've ever known. He makes me feel desired and special and beautiful and loved. I love him, Dad."_

 

" _I'm happy for you, Kurt." Kurt knew his Dad's happy voice. He'd heard it enough when he was talking about the Buckeye's winning a game, and this wasn't it._

 

" _You don't sound happy."_

 

_Burt sighed. "I just hope you're being careful. I know how broken up you were over your last boyfriend. I don't want you getting hurt."_

 

" _I am being careful. I'm an adult and I know what I'm getting into."_

 

" _Okay, okay. Why don't you tell me more about him?"_

 

Kurt had gone on to tell his Dad about Blaine's show and his brother and any other little detail he could think of.

 

"Do you think they'll like me?" Blaine's voice broke through Kurt's reverie.

 

"They'll love you," Kurt said, leaning over and pressing a kiss to Blaine's cheek. "You're amazing, Blaine, you just have to show them that. Now, why don't we head inside and you can see just how easy this actually will be?"

 

Blaine turned terrified eyes to Kurt. "You won't leave me, will you?"

 

Kurt barely held back his laugh. Poor thing looked about ready to pass out. "I'll be at your side the whole time."

 

They got out of the car and Kurt locked the doors before grabbing Blaine's hand and walking them up to the door.

 

Kurt felt weird knocking on the front door, but this wasn't his home anymore. Within seconds, the door opened and Carole's smiling face greeted them. "Kurt!" She pulled him into a tight hug. "It's been much too long, honey."

 

"It has." When they pulled apart, Kurt flourished his hand back towards Blaine, taking in the pained smile Blaine had on his face. "Blaine, this is my Mom, Carole." Kurt had taken to referring to Carole as his mom after Finn's death. She'd been extremely touched and it always made her smile. "Carole, this is Blaine, my boyfriend."

 

Kurt watched both Blaine and Carole anxiously. There was this odd sadness in Carole's eyes that Kurt didn't understand, but it was replaced by a smile when Blaine shook Carole's hand and offered a polite, "Nice to meet you. You have a lovely home," to her.

 

"Why, thank you, Blaine." She gestured for them both to come inside. "I'd love to sit and talk some more once the party's over, if that's alright with you."At Blaine's tentative nod, she turned to face Kurt. "Kurt, your father is at the store picking up a few more supplies. If you want to show Blaine around, I'll let you know when he gets back."

 

"Thanks, Mom." He took Blaine's hand and walked him down the stairs. "I can show you my old room first, if you'd like."

 

"Sure." Blaine let himself be lead down the steps behind Kurt.

 

* * *

 

Kurt ended up giving Blaine the whole tour before ending up back in the living room. "I'm going to go grab the pie from my car. You can take a look around if you'd like."

 

Blaine's eyes widened as Kurt moved away from him.

 

"You look like a lost puppy, Blaine," Kurt cooed, petting a hand through his hair. "You'll be fine for a few minutes. I'll intercept my Dad if he comes home between now and when I'm back inside."

 

Blaine huffed and glared at Kurt, a playful light in his eyes. "You'd better not leave me alone. I'll go looking for photo albums full of embarrassing pictures of you."

 

"Those have all been hidden in a dark, dark place. You'll never find them."

 

"That sounds like a challenge I'm willing to accept."

 

Kurt swatted his behind before laughing and heading out to the driveway. Blaine took a tour around the living room, locating a few binders that looked like they could be photo albums. Before he could crack the cover of one of them, the sound of footsteps echoed down the hall behind him. He turned and faced who he assumed was Kurt's father.

 

Maybe if Blaine had been prepared to meet him, he'd be less in a panic attack and more like the refined gentleman he liked to pretend to be around the parents of his friends. Instead, Blaine couldn't help but give a frightened squeak, clutching the binder to his chest.

 

"Blaine?" Burt asked, shock on his face. "I had wondered if it could be, but… never mind." He shook his head and stepped closer to Blaine. "I'm Burt Hummel, Kurt's father."

 

Blaine looked down at Burt's outstretched hand before raising his eyes back up to Burt's face. Blaine was spared from making an embarrassment of himself by Kurt walking back in the door. "Dad?"

 

"Kurt!" Burt turned to face his son and he pulled him into a hug. "Have you been here long?"

 

Kurt shook his head. "Only a half hour or so. I missed you."

 

"Missed you too, kiddo."

 

When they pulled away from each other, Kurt sent Blaine a smile. "Blaine, this is my Dad, Burt. Dad, this is my boyfriend, Blaine." Kurt brought the two men together and encouraged them to shake hands.

 

_Do I try and give him a firm handshake to show that I'm not afraid or is that overcompensating?_ Blaine ended up gripping Burt's hand at medium strength and letting his arm be swung up and down a few times.

 

"Thank you for letting me into your house, Mr. Hummel." Blaine was proud that his voice didn't waver and he managed to meet Burt's stare. Burt Hummel was an interesting person. He looked at Blaine as if he couldn't quite figure him out, and also with such recognition that Blaine was thrown. "Congratulations on your anniversary."

 

Burt's face cracked into a smile. "Thank you, Blaine."

 

"Kurt," Carole called from the kitchen. "I could use yours and Blaine's help in the kitchen."

 

"Be right there." Kurt turned to face his Dad once more. "We'll talk more after the party?" At Burt's nod, he grabbed Blaine's hand and they made their way to the kitchen. Blaine couldn't be more grateful for Carole's request. It saved him from whatever sort of interrogation he was sure Burt wanted to do to Blaine.

 

End Notes:

**It had to have been so hard for Carole and Burt to have Blaine brought home for the first time for the second time... as if that sentence wasn't confusing itself. Because they know how broken up Kurt was after Blaine cheated the first time and how it ended with their relationship falling apart. To see them together again completely oblivious - do they tell? Do they let it happen again?**

 

**Things are going to start changing soon, so be prepared. All the happy and good can't last forever, not when things are the way they are.**

 

**Any thoughts on what's coming up?**

 

**As before, please review!**


	35. Chapter 35

_Let's start over_

_I'll try to do it right this time around_

_It's not over_

_'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground_

_This love is killing me_

_But you're the only one_

 

 

The party was a success. Kurt proudly showed off Blaine to everyone who attended, family and friends alike. Kurt ended up pulling Blaine behind the shed halfway through the party and kissing him senseless. More and more recently, they'd be unable to last for very long without kissing or holding each other. It was getting pretty bad. Not that Blaine minded making out with Kurt on a regular basis.

 

"Kurt,  _ohmygosh_ , they're just around the  _unf_ corner. Should we really be  _oh_  doing this right now?"

 

Kurt smiled against Blaine's neck where he was sucking on the pulse point. "If you want to stop, by all means, push me away."

 

Blaine did the only thing his lust-addled brain would allow him to. He pulled Kurt closer to him and gripped his arms tightly as Kurt had his way with him. "Don't ever stop," he rasped.

 

Blaine pressed his dick against Kurt's and whined when Kurt pulled away. "No, I refuse to come in these pants, not when I have to walk around in them the rest of the night. I'll make it up to you later."

 

Blaine groaned, but allowed Kurt to pull away and fix up his hair and clothes. "Just be glad that I love you, otherwise I would make you pay for always doing this to me when we're in public." He pointed to where his pants were slightly tented.

 

Kurt snickered and kissed Blaine once more. Once they were presentable, they returned to the party.

 

Blaine offered to help clean up after the party, but Carole just shook her head. "That's very sweet, Blaine, but you're our guest. You and Kurt should just go inside and relax. I'm sure it's been a long day for you, meeting the family and all." She gave Blaine a knowing smile.

 

"It was fine. The party was amazing." Blaine offered to help once more before Kurt ushered him inside the house.

 

"If we hurry, we can catch the Project Runway marathon." Kurt practically bounced his way inside, rushing over to the coffee table and grabbing the remote. "We can't miss this one. It's the Best of the Worst episodes."

 

Kurt settled himself into the couch, patting the spot next to him. Blaine joined him quickly. It wasn't Blaine's favorite show, but he enjoyed watching it with Kurt. All the colorful commentary Kurt added was hilarious and he got high off of Kurt's excitement.

 

As they waited for the show to start, Blaine spotted the photo album he'd located earlier in the day still sitting on the side table. He pulled it onto his lap, opening up the cover and looking through the first few pictures.

 

Kurt, noticing that Blaine attention was elsewhere, looked down to see what he was doing. "You actually found one?" Kurt examined the pictures. "That looks like it's from when I was in Middle School." He leaned over and rested his chin on Blaine's shoulder. "I want to warn you that I was much more chubby cheeked back then than I am now."

 

"I'm sure you were just as gorgeous," Blaine murmured, lifting the page to look at the next.

 

"Charmer," Kurt said with a smile in his voice. Blaine flipped through the entire album, enjoying the pictures of Kurt and getting to see a little of what his life was like before he knew him. He looked much younger (obviously) but he was still the same bright and beautiful Kurt that Blaine had fallen in love with. Once he'd had his fill of the younger years of Kurt, he grabbed the next album and sat back to flip through some more.

 

It was a commercial, so Kurt turned his attention to Blaine. He pressed a kiss to Blaine's shoulder and started explaining some of the pictures to him. "This was my second year in Glee Club, which would have been my Junior year." He pointed to a picture of himself dressed as Riff Raff. "We did Rocky Horror Picture Show for the musical that year." On the next page were the pictures from Burt and Carole's wedding. "We did the music for the wedding and reception."

 

"That's amazing."

 

Kurt turned back to face the TV, settling down to enjoy the episode. Blaine flipped another page and what he saw took the breath straight from his lungs. It was a picture of himself on stage, which wasn't all that odd, but what was unexpected was the smiling face of one Kurt Hummel standing right behind him. Even odder was the fact that he was wearing a Dalton blazer just like Blaine.

 

Blaine blinked quickly, wondering if he was seeing things. Nope, Kurt was still dressed in the blazer. Blaine flipped through a few more pages, hoping for an explanation. Instead, Blaine found more confusing pictures. The next page had one of Kurt standing in front of Dalton, his uniform pristine. There were a few of Kurt with the entire group of Warblers (Blaine included) and then there were several of just Kurt and Blaine. One was even at Kurt's house, both boys dressed casually. Blaine flipped to the last page and felt his heart swell. On the left page, there was a picture of Kurt sitting on the couch that they were currently sitting on, the biggest smile on his face. Blaine was sitting next to him and it looked like he'd snuck a kiss to Kurt's cheek just as someone else snapped the picture. On the right side was a picture of them in the front entry. Both of them were dressed in suits and their arms were around each other, pink boutonnieres pinned to their chests.

 

The episode must have gone to commercial again, because Kurt turned to face Blaine. "Blaine?" He looked down at the pictures that Blaine had the album open to and took a harsh breath. "What  _are_  those pictures?!" Kurt pulled the album into his lap and looked closer at them. "How is this- where did these- why are you in my pictures?" Kurt sounded more and more frantic as he looked through all the pictures.

 

"I don't know," Blaine said, feeling his body break out in a cold sweat. "All I know is that I have no memory of any of those pictures."

 

"You  _must_ have memories because  _I_  certainly don't and that just doesn't make sense if we both don't remember these!" Kurt examined the picture of them on the couch, raising teary eyes up to Blaine. "Have you been messing with me this whole time?"

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

"Clearly, something nefarious is going on here and I know nothing about it, so it's obviously your fault!"

 

Blaine felt a sudden wave of anger rush through him. "How could this be my fault? I've never been here before! This is the first time I've seen these and I'm just as confused as you!"

 

"You must have photoshopped these or something." Kurt flipped back to the page that had a picture of him and Blaine on stage. He held the picture up and shoved it in Blaine's face. "This can't be real! I never was a part of Dalton. The only person I know who went to Dalton was Steven and this certainly isn't him."

 

"Steven?" Blaine paused, recognition filling him. "I know him. He came to spy on us in my sophomore year. He was one of my best friends. He ended up transferring for a while before he went back to McKinley. I followed him there senior year."

 

Kurt scoffed. "That's impossible. The Steven I knew went to Dalton for three years before he transferred my senior year." Kurt's breathing was ragged and he turned back to face the pictures. "This has to be some sick joke."

 

"Is everything all right?" Carole asked, poking her head into the living room. She'd clearly heard them shouting. "Oh, sweetheart, what's wrong?" She hurried into the room, pausing when she saw the open photo album on their laps. "Oh, dear. This isn't good."

 

End Notes:

**Cliffhanger muahahahahahaha.**

 

**Well... there goes the happy. Their past had to come to light, I just had hoped for some more time for happy, but Blaine's inquisitive and he discovered those pictures long before he should have.**

 

**What do you think will happen next chapter once they start learning about it all?**

 

**I know it's repetitive of me to ask every chapter, but please review!**

 

**PS, I just finished writing Chapter 40 and I'm actually pleasantly surprised where this story ended up. I worried that I couldn't pull a happy ending out of it, but the boys are working with me and things are turning out well. Chapter 41 has some more angst coming, but it should all resolve nicely by the end of the story. So excited for you to see where it all goes.**


	36. Chapter 36

  
_It's not like you to turn away_ _f_ _rom all the bullshit I can't take_  


_It's not like me to walk away_

  
_The sound you make_ _w_ _ith every breath you take_  


  
_It's unlike anything_ _, w_ _hen you're loving me_  


_I know when it's getting rough_

  
_All the times we spend_ _t_ _rying to make this love_  


  
_Something better than_ _j_ _ust making love again_  


_How can I make it through_

_All the things you do_

_There's just got to be more to you and me_

 

 

Carole had gone to grab Burt and had sat both boys down. She'd spent the next two hours explaining the circumstances of their relationship and how they'd both decided to have the other's memories extracted. Kurt had broken in with questions asking about specific details in certain cases, but otherwise he sat in shock as they learned about a past that was completely gone.

 

"So you're saying that everything I've known since High School has been a lie?"

 

"Not all of it," Carole responded. "Just the parts that had Blaine in them."

 

Kurt shook his head and fell silent.

 

"Blaine, honey," Carole addressed Blaine. "You've been pretty quiet. Are you okay?"

 

"I think I just need some time to let this all sink in," he whispered, looking for all the world as if he wished he were anywhere else.

 

"Can we have some time alone?" Kurt asked, biting his lip, back stiff.

 

"Of course, kiddo," Burt said, clapping a hand onto Kurt's shoulder. "Take however long you need. Your Mom and I will just be upstairs."

 

Kurt waited until the sound of their footsteps halted before he turned to face Blaine. "If it weren't for the fact that my Dad has never lied a day in his life, I would think this was all some prank." When Blaine didn't respond, Kurt sighed. "Blaine, you have to say something."

 

"What am I supposed to say? According to your parents, we had this pretty amazing relationship that went to hell because I cheated on you.  _How am I supposed to deal with this_?" He hissed.

 

Kurt jumped, startled by the anger in Blaine's voice. "Blaine-"

 

"The things they said about me; that's not me. Stringing you along for months, kissing and taking a friend of yours out on a date when I  _knew_  how you felt about me, cheating on you? What kind of horrible person was I back then?"

 

"I don't think you were horrible-"

 

"You obviously did, otherwise you wouldn't have decided that removing me was better than trying to work things out. Not that I blame you. I sounded like a monster."

 

All of Blaine's self-deprecating comments finally broke the thread that was keeping Kurt's anger at bay. "You know what, all I'm hearing is whining about you. How am  _I_  supposed to feel? We were committed to each other and you didn't think enough of me to stay faithful.  _I_  was the one who was cheated on. I should be the one who's getting angry!"

 

"I don't know why I would have followed you to McKinley and New York like some lovesick puppy. It was obvious you were using me for whatever purposes you wanted and then when I ran out of usefulness, you tossed me aside!"

 

"Oh my god, you are so frustrating! It's getting so  _tiresome_  having to bolster your confidence all the time. You have such a lack of faith in yourself that I'm spending all my time focusing on you and your problems."

 

"Maybe I'm this way because of you! It seems like you spent a lot of our time together putting me down for something that was probably your fault in the first place!"

 

"Oh, so now it's  _my_  fault that you cheated?!" Kurt gave a humorless laugh. "God, I have no idea how I could ever love someone as  _infuriating_  as you."

 

"Like you're any better," Blaine grumbled. "This is pointless, all this arguing. It's obvious that this isn't working between us, before or now. I'm leaving."

 

"Good riddance," Kurt bit out.

 

Blaine stormed towards the door before pausing just outside the entryway. His voice sounded broken. "I can't do it. I can't leave while we're this angry."

 

"So you want to yell more?" Kurt asked, sarcasm dripping from his words.

 

Blaine huffed and turned to face Kurt. "No." Blaine took a few steps closer to him. "I hate this, Kurt." He let out a deep breath. "I was so in love and so happy not even four hours ago. How did we end up here?"

 

Kurt shook his head. "I'm just struggling to deal with the fact that half my life is a lie. I mean, I know bits and pieces of what I'm missing, but there could be huge chunks that I have no idea are fabricated."

 

Blaine shook his head, his cheeks wet with the tears he had been crying, arms wrapped tightly around himself. It was as if he was trying to hold himself together. "My grandfather has Alzheimer's and I always thought to myself how tragic it was that he was losing all these wonderful and important memories. Why would I have done that to myself?"

 

"I felt the same way about Rachel." At Blaine's confused expression, Kurt hastened to explain. "She had Finn erased from her memories after he'd died. She came back as this person who was only half of herself. Sure, she looked happy but you could tell that something was horribly wrong, like she had been broken apart and the pieces were put back together incorrectly and some left out entirely. I don't get how I could see her like that and choose to do the same."

 

"We shouldn't push each other away then. We're the only people who can truly understand this feeling. You loved me, before all of this. Maybe we shouldn't give up so easily."

 

"That sounds lovely and all, but how do we deal with this? We obviously have  _huge_  skeletons in our closet we need to air out."

 

"Maybe we could go see the doctors at whatever clinic we went to? I'm sure this isn't the first time this has happened."

 

"What good would that do?"

 

"I don't know. Maybe we could convince them to put the memories back? That way we wouldn't be missing anything or be as confused as we are now."

 

"Oh no, no way. Hearing about what we went through was bad enough. Having to  _remember_  them? No, that's not an option." Kurt crossed his arms over his chest.

 

"It still could be worth a try. We have to do  _something,_  Kurt."

 

Kurt scoffed. "What can they do about it except remove  _these_  memories? I think having my brain messed with once is enough for a life time. We have to face it, Blaine. What's done is done and there's no going back."

 

"So that's it? You're giving up on us?"

 

"What 'us' is there to begin with? Our past is gone and we'll never get it back. Our present is all just a fantasy based on lies that they fed us after cutting our brains open and ripping pieces out. The sooner we realize this, the sooner we can move on."

 

"We were happy together, Kurt. We lost each other and somehow managed to find each other again. We fell in love with each other on two separate occasions, the circumstances so different. There must be something to that. If we were happy before and we found that happiness again, maybe we're worth fighting for."

 

"If we were happy, why did we erase each other?"

 

They both fell silent. They'd come to a standstill. This was the pivotal question, the one whose answer would determine where they would go from here.

 

"We were young," Blaine said, sitting down next to Kurt and taking his hand. "We were young, and foolish, and too lost in our anger to really see what was in front of us. The memories they gave me, this fake past? That's five years of my life that I spent without you. These last few months that I've spent with you? They've been better than all those years combined. You make me feel like the world is right again. You make each day brighter and more beautiful just by being in it. I can't lose this, Kurt. I can't know what it feels like to be in love and give that up. I know what I want to do, how I want to move forward from this. It all depends on you. On if you'll give us a chance to work through this."

 

Kurt bit his lip, looking into the earnest eyes of the man who he'd fallen so hard and so fast for, the man who he was starting to picture having a future with, the man who he'd had a future with but threw it all away. But were they really those same people who had made the decision to get rid of each other or had they grown and changed into something more? Would history be doomed to repeat itself once more? Could he put his heart in this man's hands once more? It's obvious it was a heart already broken, crushed by the very man sitting in front him of.  _Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me._

 

Kurt wasn't sure where things would go, but he was decided.

 

End Notes:

**Oh god, Kurt's yelling again. Which causes Blaine to yell. I didn't want fighting :( I want happy and fluffy.**

 

**In all honesty, as I was writing this chapter, Blaine actually walked out the door and I had no idea how to fix this. I sat and thought about it for a full day and realized Blaine couldn't let this go. Kurt made his life so much better and he was willing to fight for him one last time. So Blaine instead stayed and talked to Kurt.**

 

**Thoughts on what Kurt's response will be? Thoughts on, if they decide to try a relationship, how they'll get past this?**

 

**Please review :)**

 

**PS If I can finish writing this by December, I'm going to submit it to the Box Scene for their Charity donation Book sale. I would just die if my story could be in paperback form. Would you guys be interested in that?**


	37. Chapter 37

_I don't know why you would ever lie to me_

_Like I'm a little untrusting when I think the truth is gonna hurt ya_

_And I don't know why you couldn't just stay with me_

_You couldn't stand to be near me when my face don't shine_

' _Cause it's a little bit dirty_  


_Well, don't just stand there, say nice things to me_

' _Cause I've been cheated, I've been wronged_  


_And you, you don't know me_

"I'm probably going to regret this, but I'm willing to give it a go."

"Really?" Blaine's face broke into a disbelieving grin.

Kurt nodded. "That doesn't mean it'll be easy. We know now that we wrecked things before. There's going to be that nagging fear and doubt that we'll mess it up again."

"But we also know where we went wrong. We know what not to do and what we need to work harder on. I'd like to think I'm a different person than I was back then. The moment Carole told us about my cheating, I saw the look on your face. I never want to see that pain and heartbreak again. I am going to do everything in my power never to hurt you again."

"And I know I've always had a problem jumping to conclusions. I know I need to ask before just assuming things."

"And we should talk about everything. Don't leave anything unsaid, even if we think it'll hurt the other person and we should always tell the truth."

"You can lie if I ask you how my ass looks in tight jeans." Kurt said with a watery smile.

Blaine gave a hiccupping giggle and pulled Kurt into his arms. "I love you, Kurt."

Kurt sniffled and wrapped his arms around Blaine. "Love you, too."

"Are we really going to do this?" Blaine asked.

"I guess so."

They looked at each other, really taking each other in, when they pulled away from their hug. Kurt couldn't help it; he had to lean forward and kiss Blaine. There had always been a pull between them, but this time it was different. It was like Kurt's body was aching and Blaine was the only person who could make the pain go away. It was like he was drowning and Blaine was that breath of oxygen; it would hurt the first few moments, but it was what you needed to survive.

There was a whimper and a sigh, but Kurt didn't know whether it came from him or Blaine. All he knew was that _this_ was exactly what he needed right now. Blaine's lips pressed tightly to his own, his body warm under Kurt's fingertips. When he was kissing Blaine or holding him or fucking him, he didn't have to think about the outside world. All the stress and pain and loneliness was washed away, his body and mind full of _Blaine_ and _love_ and _perfect_.

It could have been minutes or hours when Kurt finally pulled away from their kiss, his lungs burning for air and his lips so swollen and tingly. It took him several seconds to open his eyes. When he did, he felt his body warm from the inside out. If there was ever a picture to represent 'heart eyes', Blaine's face at that exact moment would be it.

"Do you want to go to bed?" Kurt asked, his voice no more than a whisper.

Blaine could only nod. He accepted Kurt's hand up and he allowed himself to be dragged behind Kurt towards the basement.

"Thank god they left the bed down there. There's no way I could make the drive to the hotel tonight. I just hope he left my clothes in the dresser. I have a few spare pajamas that I left behind. They'll be big on you, but that should be fine." Kurt kept up a running commentary as they slowly descended the staircase, his nerves from before overtaking him.

Once they got to the bottom of the stairs, Kurt turned around so he could look properly at Blaine. "Thank you for not leaving. Thank you for making us talk and for convincing me to fight for us."

Blaine smiled, but he looked exhausted, probably both emotionally _and_ physically. "Thank you for listening. I know how hard this decision was for me. I can't even imagine what it was for you."

"I think what's important now is that we go to bed and rest on it. We can keep talking, we _should_ keep talking tomorrow and we'll make a plan."

Blaine nodded. Kurt made quick work of locating some clothes for them to sleep in and prepared the bed. They both pulled on their pajamas and slid into bed, finding each other in the dark and grasping tight. Kurt was finally able to take a full breath when his cheek was resting on Blaine's chest, his hand tight around Blaine's waist. Blaine rested his own cheek against the top of Kurt's head and gave a contended sigh. It wasn't long before Kurt was lost to the world of dreams.

* * *

" _Hi, Kurt."_

" _Blaine?"_

_Sure enough, it was Blaine, but he didn't look right. The laugh lines around his eyes were lessened and his eyes didn't have the depth that Kurt was used to seeing. "It's me. Well, the me you don't remember."_

_Kurt's forehead creased. "What does that mean?"_

" _I'm the Blaine from your memories, the ones you let slip away." Blaine kicked the ground with the toe of his shoe, smiling up at Kurt through his lashes. "I'm the little part of Blaine that you kept hidden away from them, the part that you couldn't let go."_

" _That doesn't make sense."_

" _You knew that I'd be gone forever once they took your memories and there was a part of you who couldn't allow that. You took your favorite memory of me, the day where we made homemade ice cream and talked about graduation, insignificant in the big picture, but precious to you all the same, and you locked it away. You took me and hid me away in a part of your memories that hadn't seen the light of day in a long time. You tucked me away safely in between memories of you mother, your life with her before she died."_

_Kurt gasped. "Impossible."_

" _Improbable," Blaine corrected with a smile. "Blaine did the same thing too, you know. The Blaine you're with right now," Blaine explained. "His was the first memory of you, when your eyes were the brightest blue they'd ever been. He wasn't going to let you go any more than you were of him._

" _You could never admit to yourself how much you couldn't let me go. Even if you didn't realize it, you were continuing to fight for us even if it seemed to the world that you'd given up. It's why he was able to win you back. It's why you fell in love so quickly. It's why you love him more than you loved me. He's the part of me you never let go and so much more. I just wish I could be there with you now." Blaine sighed. "I'm okay here, though. I can see how happy you are and that's enough."_

" _You talk as though you're real."_

" _I am, to you." Blaine smiled at him. "I won't bother you anymore. I can see how much happier you'll be with him. Your life is going to be amazing, Kurt. You just have to keep fighting for it."_

Kurt awoke with a start. He was confused for a few minutes as he took in his surroundings, finally remembering he was at his parent's house in his old bedroom. Remembering the events from last night, he looked down to see Blaine still lying next to him, his face pinched and eyebrows furrowed. He looked to be in the middle of a troubling dream.

Kurt scrubbed his face hard with his hands, still confused about the dream he'd just had, if it could even be called a dream. It was more like a journey into the darkest parts of his memories.

His boyfriend… _is he my boyfriend still? What are we to each other now?_ groaned and his arm reached out, as if trying to pull Kurt's closer. Kurt's felt his chest ache with how much he still loved this man, even if he had no idea if he wanted to pursue anything more, now that they knew their past. He said he was willing to try, but every moment was a war in his mind.

" _Kurt_ ," Blaine whined, his hand still outstretched towards him.

Kurt placed his hand in Blaine's, letting him latch on and nearly break a few bones with how hard he was squeezing. Blaine calmed almost immediately, his body going limp and his face relaxing.

* * *

_It was dark where Blaine was, but Kurt's hand was in his, so everything was okay._

_He'd been wandering for a long time, hand running along the wall to his right as he tried to find a light or a person, or anything to take away the horrible blackness. He'd been crying out for help, but no one responded. He was really alone._

_He was certain he'd been with Kurt, before being plunged into the dark, but he was nowhere to be found. "Kurt," he called out, reaching out once more in the vain hope that Kurt would be there. He about jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand drop into his own._

_Even if he still couldn't see anything, he would recognize that hand anywhere. "Kurt, thank god." He felt the tightness in his chest dissipate and his heart resume its normal beating. "I've been looking for you forever."_

" _Well, I'm here now," Kurt said, his voice sounding like it came from a long distance away, as if the hand in his wasn't tied to the voice._

" _It's so dark. Do you know where the light is?"_

" _I don't. Maybe together, we'll have a better chance of finding it?"_

_Blaine picked up his pace so that, instead of Kurt leading him, they were walking side by side. Or at least, he thought they were. You could never tell in the dark._

_Gradually, the darkness started to fade and Blaine could start seeing things in the black. He looked to his left. It was Kurt, but something was wrong. It wasn't the Kurt he was used to seeing. Next to him was a younger version of Kurt who was wearing what looked like a mix between a suit and a schoolboy's outfit. "Kurt?"_

_Kurt's mouth moved as if he was talking, but nothing came out. It was as if his voice had been muted._

" _Kurt?"_

"Blaine, you need to wake up."

Blaine wasn't in the dark anymore. He was lying in bed with his hand being held tightly in Kurt's. His eyes took in Kurt, his Kurt, not the one from his dream. "What happened?"

"You were dreaming."

"It was so weird. You were there, but it wasn't you," Blaine said as he sat up. "I mean, you looked like you, but not you." He shook his head. "Maybe it was because I looked at all those pictures of you when you were younger."

Kurt had an odd look flash over his face, but it was gone before Blaine could interpret what it meant.

"What?" Blaine asked.

"Nothing."

"Kurt, our second chance isn't going to work if we start hiding things from each other."

Kurt sighed. "Fine. I had a dream and you were in it… a 'not you' you," Kurt clarified. "We had a rough night; it was probably just a result of that. Let's not read too much into it."

 

End Notes:

**Woah, confusing dreams. What's going on in those boys' brains?**

**I hope it's starting to make sense - why they were so drawn to each other so quickly this time around, and why they felt like they knew each other. Neither of them removed each other completely - they didn't want to.**

**As always, let me know what you guys are thinking by reviewing.**


	38. Chapter 38

_Somehow I couldn't stop myself_

_I just wanted to know how it felt_

_Too strong, I couldn't hold on_

_Now I'm just trying to make some sense_

_Out of how and why this happened_

_Where we're headed, there's just no knowing_

Kurt and Blaine got dressed in silence. Kurt took a shower first, the knots in his shoulder loosened by the hot water. Once he'd cleaned himself completely, he felt slightly refreshed. Blaine stepped into the bathroom after Kurt was done to take his own shower. Kurt quickly left, trying not to let his mind wander to what Blaine was doing in there and any images that might accompany that. Naked, wet Blaine was not what Kurt needed to focus on right now.

Kurt went upstairs, tiptoeing up the stairs as quietly as he could. It wouldn't have mattered if he'd elephant footed it up the stairs: Burt and Carole were already sitting at the dining room table in the midst of what looked like a heated discussion. They stopped talking when they spotted Kurt, tentative smiles on their faces.

"Morning, honey," Carole said, standing up and taking him into a hug. "How are you doing?"

"Honestly?" Kurt asked. "I'm not sure. My whole world is upside down and the only person I think that truly understands all of this is Blaine and yet every time I look at him or think about our circumstances, I get even more confused and upset. How can he be the cause and solution to the problem?"

Burt walked over and pulled him into his arms. "I wish I could make this better for you, Kurt, but I can't. You're an adult and you made decisions about your relationship with Blaine that you simply can't take back. I'm here for you and I fully support you, but I can't fix this for you."

"I know." Kurt hugged his Dad back. "It's going to take some time for us to decide what we want to do. Blaine and I, we're just doing our best to keep talking as we figure things out."

"So you and Blaine are-"

"Going to keep seeing each other? Yes. I love him, Dad. I can't help the way my body and heart feel for him. I just need to get my brain in on it and we should be good."

"Kurt?" Blaine's voice called from downstairs.

Kurt walked over to the top of the stairs. "I'm up here," he called out. He looked Blaine over as he walked up the stairs. Blaine was wearing the same clothes as yesterday (his change of clothes was still at the hotel) but he looked so beautiful it hurt. His hair was curled around his face (his gel was also at the hotel) and his eyes were bright, even if his expression wasn't. "Did you have a nice shower?" He asked, accepting Blaine's hug when they were finally in front of each other.

Blaine nodded against his shoulder, his body molding itself into Kurt's. "Thank you."

Kurt knew Blaine was thanking him for more than the shower. He heard his father clear his throat behind them. He reluctantly pulled away from Blaine to look at him. "Yes?"

"Carole and I were just talking about breakfast. What would you boys prefer?"

"Waffles," Kurt said, pleasantly surprised when Blaine said the same thing a few seconds after he did.

Breakfast was a silent affair. They all kept their gazes focused on their food, unable to think of anything to say. Just as he was stabbing another piece of waffle, Kurt felt Blaine's hand slip into his and squeeze. Kurt felt his heart stutter when he looked at Blaine and the saw the expression on his face. Blaine was like an open book most of this time, his eyes telling you exactly what he was thinking and feeling. There was such an outpouring of love in his gaze right now, but also a deep pain and longing and something else Kurt couldn't define. Kurt wondered what Blaine could read in his own gaze.

"We're going to be okay," Kurt said softly, eyes never wavering from Blaine's.

Blaine nodded, a light coming back to his eyes.

"If you boys need anything," Burt said, watching both of them as they had a silent conversation, "you just let us know. We care about you both and we just want the best for you."

"Thank you, Dad. I think, though, that we need to spend some time alone to talk about everything before we know what we're going to do. Once we're home and have time to reflect on everything, we should be in a better place to deal with it all."

Carole reached across the table and put her hand on top of Blaine's. "Blaine, honey, I want you to know that we're here for you, too. You became a part of our family a long time ago and nothing has changed that. Don't be afraid to call us if you need someone to talk to."

Blaine couldn't have looked more shocked. "Thank you, Carole. You have no idea how much that means to me. My parents and I haven't talked in a long time and I figured I'd never get to have that sort of relationship in my life. It… it means the world to me."

Breakfast continued in silence, but everyone was much less melancholy, a few smiles passed around as they finished up. Carole declined any help with dishes, urging the boys to grab any of their things they'd brought so that they could get back on the road with enough time to get home while it was still light out.

It was right in the middle of Kurt placing a few of his dirty clothes in a laundry bag that he felt Blaine's arms wrap around his middle. Kurt's hands stopped what they were doing and he placed them on top of Blaine's, letting his body relax back into him. He felt Blaine's lips against his neck, not kissing or sucking, just resting there, the hot breath from his nostrils blowing across Kurt's collarbone.

Kurt twisted himself in Blaine's arms so that he could be facing him. "Hi."

"Hi," Blaine responded, mouth curling into a small smile.

Kurt bent his head down and kissed Blaine softly, sucking in the air that Blaine gasped out in surprise. They kissed for a few seconds and then Kurt pulled away and rested his forehead on Blaine's. "I meant what I said earlier. We're going to be okay."

"Good, because I wasn't planning on letting you go," Blaine said, his voice full of determination.

"You'll have to let me go for a little bit if we're ever going to get into the car to drive back to New York," Kurt joked.

"I guess that's okay." Blaine's lip fell into a pout, but his eyes were full of mirth. He accepted another kiss from Kurt, sighing in what sounded like contentment when Kurt pulled away from him. "I love you," Blaine whispered. "No matter what happens after this, that's never going to change."

Kurt hoisted his bag on his left shoulder and gripped Blaine's hand in his right, walking them up the stairs and back to the kitchen where Carole and Burt were finishing up with the dishes. They exchanged hugs and then it was time for Kurt and Blaine to leave.

"Call us and let us know how you guys are doing," Burt insisted, holding Kurt in his arms for a few moments longer than was socially acceptable for a hug.

"And let us know what we can do to help," Carole added. "If you have any more questions about what happened before all this, we're just a phone call away."

"I think I've learned enough about the past to last me a lifetime." Kurt realized the irony of the statement but it was hardly a time for laughing. "But, thanks Mom."

"Anytime, sweetheart."

They nodded their thanks and left. The drive (an agonizingly long ten hours) passed in uncomfortable silence, at least, for the first third of the trip. Kurt turned on the radio at hour two, picking them up some lunch at a drive through, and by hour four they were singing along with the radio. At hour five, they stopped at a rest area, taking a stroll around the woods to stretch their legs. The walk did them some good; Kurt felt like a weight was gone and Blaine was smiling. At hour seven, they stopped for dinner. For the last three hours, they talked about small things – things that weren't wrong or changed by their extractions and memory manipulations. By the time they arrived at Kurt's apartment, they were finally feeling like things were as back to normal as they could be given the circumstances.

"Do you want me to drop you off at your apartment or would you like to stay here for the night?"

Blaine took a deep breath, looking up at Kurt's apartment building with trepidation. "I don't really want to deal with Cooper right now. He'll take one look at me and know something's wrong. I can't talk about this with him right now."

"Then you'll stay here. I'll fend off Rachel – she won't bother us until we get a chance to figure it out ourselves."

"Thank you, Kurt."

They leaned into a short kiss before Blaine exited the car, Kurt following quickly after him with their bags in his hand. Rachel was, thankfully, not home. Kurt lent Blaine another pair of pajamas, slipping into bed next to him and pulling him into his embrace, quickly falling asleep.

 

End Notes:

**Burt and Carole are my favorites. They are so loving and helpful and I just want them for my own family.**

**So, they're going to try. What's going to happen when Cooper and Rachel find out? How are the boys going to move on from their tragic past? Will things ever work out?**

**Please review and let me know!**

**PS: The story is finally completely written. 43 total chapters. I'm really really excited for you to see how it all ends. Also, I'm just donated this book to the Box Scene Project - would any of you guys be interested in getting it? I'm not sure if they'll pick my book, but if they do, I'd love to know if you'd get a copy.**

**Next chapter may or may not be up tomorrow, depends on how early I have to get in line for Catching Fire.**


	39. Chapter 39

_What about now? What about today?_

  
_What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?_   
_What if our love never went away?_   
_What if it's lost behind words we could never find?_   
_Baby, before it's too late, what about now?_   


 

 

"Blaine, if you put one finger anywhere on my body, there will be hell to pay," Kurt threatened, glaring at his boyfriend. They were in the middle of making a mint chocolate chip cheesecake for Cooper's birthday.

 

Blaine's smile was positively evil. "What about two fingers?" he asked, wiggling his right pointer and middle finger which were currently covered in cream cheese.

 

"Don't you dare!" Kurt squealed, racing around the kitchen. In a matter of seconds, Blaine captured Kurt and swiped a finger down Kurt's cheek, chuckling when Kurt grimaced. "I hate you so much, Blaine Anderson."

 

"No you don't. You  _loooooooove_  me," Blaine sing-songed.

 

At Blaine's words, it was as if Kurt was reminded of last week, and his face fell. He quickly pulled away from Blaine and busied himself with the ingredients.

 

Once they'd returned from Lima, Kurt and Blaine had quickly gone back to their routines, lunches twice a week and dinner on the weekend. By unspoken agreement, they didn't talk about the extraction. They both were taking time alone to think things through, hesitating saying anything to the other for fear that it would upset the balance they'd achieved.

 

It was obviously time for them to deal with everything. "Kurt, we need to talk."

 

Kurt looked up from where he was studying the recipe with much more interest than was normal. His eyes were red and slightly wet. "Right now?" Kurt asked incredulously, nodding his head towards the mixing bowl he was currently adding ingredients to. "We're a little busy right now."

 

"Not this exact second," Blaine clarified. "But today."

 

Kurt sighed, wiping his hands on a piece of paper towel. "You're right. Let's finish up this recipe and then we can sit down and talk."

 

Their lightheartedness from earlier was gone. They finished the recipe in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. As Kurt placed the cheesecake in the oven, Blaine cleaned up the counter. When they had nothing else to do, they both walked over to the couch and sat down.

 

"Coop's been asking me about how weird I've been lately," Blaine started, unable to look at Kurt, "and there's only so many excuses I can offer. I think we should talk about where we're at right now and tell Rachel and Cooper. We can't keep hiding from them, especially since they already know we had the procedure done. Maybe they could help."

 

"Could we tell them together? I don't really want to have to talk about this with Rachel alone. I love her, but she can be a bit much. She's been so against you from the beginning that-"

 

"What?" Blaine asked. "What did she say about me?" Blaine asked, arms crossing over his chest.

 

"Hear me out, it sounded a lot worse when I didn't know about our past together. It's obvious now that she was only trying to protect me."

 

"Protect you from what? From me? Oh, that's comforting," Blaine grumbled.

 

"She was seeing you as you were before all this, Blaine. She didn't know you'd changed. I talked to her after the day we had that lunch and she said she'd changed her mind. She saw how happy you made me and she apologized for the things she'd said."

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Yeah. What about your brother?" Kurt asked, suddenly looking nervous. "Did he say anything about me?"

 

"Well, he acted really weird when I first told him about you, which I guess makes sense now. He kept looking at me as if he'd seen a ghost. He kept asking all these questions about you. He never said anything good or bad about you, though, not until he met you. After our lunch, he said he couldn't think of a better person for me to give my heart to."

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"So, let me get this straight… my parents know about us and support us. Our roommates also know and still support us… why are we worrying about this, then?"

 

"Because we lived through this, so we have all those doubts and fears still inside of us. They don't have that. They just see the good."

 

"There is a lot of good, though," Kurt said, mouth curling into a smile.

 

"A lot," Blaine agreed, leaning over and pressing his lips to Kurt's. "We really should try and set up a time with a doctor at that clinic. They may have some advice for us."

 

"Who may have some advice?" Cooper must have come back while Blaine and Kurt were talking. "If you're talking about me, that's very true. I'm fabulous at giving advice."

 

Blaine pulled away from Kurt, turning so that he could face his brother. "Hi, Coop, and no, we weren't talking about you."

 

Cooper dropped himself onto a chair next to them. "Well, why the hell not? I thought you'd be discussing what awesome presents you're buying me or what delicious treat Kurt's going to make for me."

 

Blaine snorted. "If you keep acting this way, maybe we  _won't_  be bringing the cheesecake we made."

 

Cooper's eyes widened. "He's making cheesecake?" At the ding of the oven, Cooper looked excited. "Is that what I was smelling when I came in?"

 

"Yes, and you can't have any of it until tomorrow," Kurt said, standing up and going to the kitchen. "I have to finish with the topping and then cool it before it can be eaten." He put on an oven mitt and pulled the pie pan from the oven.

 

Cooper groaned. "Not fair. You can't tease me about dessert and make me wait for it."

 

"There is something I wanted to talk to you about, Coop," Blaine said, twisting his hands in his lap.

 

At Blaine's serious tone, Cooper's face dropped into a frown. "What's going on, Blaine?"

 

Blaine looked up at Kurt who'd walked back into the living room by that time. "Kurt and I went to visit his parents last weekend." Cooper nodded. Blaine had told him about it before they'd left. "We know, Coop."

 

"Know what?" Cooper asked, his brow furrowing.

 

"Everything."

 

Cooper looked between the two of them, as if trying to figure out what 'everything' meant.

 

"We saw pictures," Kurt said, taking Blaine's hand into his own, "and we asked my parents and they told us everything."

 

Cooper let out his breath in a whoosh, falling back into the couch. "Okay. Wow. That changes everything."

 

Blaine nodded. "We were pretty upset and we nearly walked away from it all." Blaine smiled at Kurt, squeezing his hand. "But we talked and we decided to keep trying."

 

"We just don't know what to do with all this information." Kurt said, a sad smile on his face. "We just knew we can't do it alone. Family is everything."

 

"So you guys know about the…" he trailed off, nodding towards Blaine, unable to say the words.

 

"The affair?" Kurt asked. At Cooper's nod, Kurt continued, "Yes, but that's in the past. The man I know and love, he didn't do that. A part of him did it, but that part isn't who he is right now. Not really." Kurt shook his head. "It's confusing, which is why we want help trying to figure out what to do."

 

"That really is confusing. You are right, though. Blaine, when you came home after that last time at the clinic, you were different. You weren't the little brother that I knew. I couldn't even really place it, but you had changed." Cooper sat up straighter, folding his hands together. "Well, the only advice I have is that you keep talking about this. You can only make things work if you're on the same page."

 

"That's what I thought," Blaine said. "I was thinking we could maybe see a doctor, too. Someone objective who can help us figure out where we go from here."

 

"That sounds really good. We still have plenty from Grand-pop's inheritance, so money shouldn't be an issue."

 

"Thanks, Coop." Blaine stood up and knelt down in front of him and pulling his brother into a hug.

 

"Of course, Blaine. I'd do anything for you."

 

"That went much better than I thought it would," Kurt admitted. "I just hope it'll be the same when we tell Rachel."

 

"You didn't tell Rachel yet?" Cooper asked. "Don't let her know you told me first. She'll be pissed."

 

Kurt laughed. "That's true."

 

* * *

 

Rachel's voice shouted at him the second Kurt stepped into their apartment. "Kurt Hummel, you'd better have a good explanation as to why I have a text from Blaine's brother gloating that he knew first. Knew  _what_  first? You didn't propose to Blaine, did you? Because if you did, there will be hell to-"

 

"I didn't propose. God, Rachel, it's only been two months."

 

"Oh… well, I'd have been happy for you. He makes you happy."

 

"Thanks," Blaine said, coming into the room from where he'd been taking off his shoes.

 

"Oh, hi, Blaine." Rachel flushed. "I didn't realize you were here, too."

 

"It's nice to know that you approve," he said with a smirk. "Also, remind me to smack my brother when I get home. I told him not to tell you."

 

"Tell me what? What did he know first, Kurt?"

 

Kurt sighed. "You should probably sit down for this."

 

"God, you make it sound so serious. If you were a girl I'd ask if you were pregnant."

 

Kurt snorted. "I'm not pregnant. Blaine isn't either. And we're not engaged. If you'd stop talking, we could tell you." He waited until Rachel sat before he joined her on the couch. Blaine sat down in the chair to their left. "We know about the extraction, Rachel, and everything that came before it."

 

Rachel's eyes bugged out. "Oh my god, you do? How'd you figure it out?"

 

"Blaine's a snoop and found some pictures at my parent's house. It didn't take too long to put the pieces together and my parents explained it all."

 

"Wait… you told Cooper first?!" she screeched, looking highly offended.

 

"That's your biggest concern?"

 

"Kurt, I'm your best friend! It's a best friend's duty to know things like this first!"

 

"Rachel," Blaine spoke up. "We didn't tell Coop first on purpose. He walked in when we were talking and it only made sense to explain it right then."

 

"You could have called me. I could have walked over and you could have told us at the same time."

 

Kurt laughed and shook his head. "That's not what matters. The important thing about this is that we know and you don't have to hide anything anymore."

 

"How are you guys doing?" Rachel asked. "It must be confusing. I can't even imagine having something as huge as that dropped on you. I mean, you've lost so much."

 

"We'll be okay. We're going to go see a doctor and figure things out. We just wanted the most important people in our life to know."

 

"Thanks for telling me, Kurt. I'm here for you whenever you need."

 

End Notes:

**I like to think that Cooper and Rachel battle over how much their friend/brother loves them more than the other. It's a competition between them.**

 

**I received a review asking about Blaine's speech from the last chapter, about how nothing would change Blaine's love for Kurt and that it seemed a lot really soon in their relationship. I wanted to address that here in case anyone else felt that way. I do agree - it does seem very fast. However, Blaine, when he falls in love, falls hard and fast and with his body, mind, and heart. In this situation, he also has all the love he felt for Kurt from before all this still in him, so the current love and past love are combined and that's a large amount of love. While it may be really soon, Blaine wouldn't have it any other way. I hope it plays off that way and doesn't come off as WOAH WAY TOO SOON.**

 

**Things are coming to an end. Only four more chapters left. Thanks for following me on this journey.**


	40. Chapter 40

_Now you're the inspiration for this precious song_

  
_And I just wanna see your face light up since you put me on_   
_So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone_   
_And I can't wait to get you home_   
_Just to let you know, you are the love of my life_   


Kurt and Blaine set up an appointment at the Freedman's Neurology Center a few days later. Rachel and Cooper and Kurt's parents had been nothing but caring and supportive. They'd called and texted and sat down and spent time checking on them and making sure things were okay. It was borderline smothering.

Blaine finally snapped when Cooper peeked into the bathroom, where he and Kurt had been having a _very_ nice shower, and asking how they were doing. "Coop, oh my gosh, if you don't leave this second I will… I will-"

"Rip your balls off," Kurt finished for him.

Cooper quickly retreated.

"Remind me never to piss you off," Blaine said, looking mildly scared.

"I like your balls," Kurt said, running one of his fingers over the right one. "I'd prefer they stayed where they are."

"Me too," Blaine said, pressing his lips against Kurt's. "Sex would be much less fun without them." They quickly continued where they'd left off at Cooper's interruption. Much, much later, they emerged from the shower, pruney and grinning stupidly.

The shower had been a pleasant distraction, but it couldn't last. They dressed quietly, minds now on the appointment they had to get to in an hour. Kurt and Blaine had been talking extensively this past week about what they hoped the appointment would do for them. Blaine had mentioned before about them having their memories restored, but he hadn't brought it up again. Kurt was tempted to get them back, but he hadn't completely decided. Once they were dressed and had eaten some lunch, they hailed a cab, not saying anything on the fifteen minute drive.

Kurt was thankful for Blaine's hand in his when they walked up to the entrance of the clinic. "Are we certain we want to do this?" Kurt asked.

Blaine sighed. "Not entirely, but I think this will be good for us. If it's not any good, we don't have to stay."

They signed in at the front desk and it wasn't even five minutes later when the doctor called for them. She introduced herself as Dr. Meyers. Apparently, she'd been his therapist for the extraction, but Kurt didn't recognize her.

Kurt and Blaine explained what had happened since the extraction, how they'd discovered it and what their thoughts and feelings were.

"We were curious if there was a way to get our memories back," Kurt said.

Doctor Meyers shook her head. "We can't restore your memories. The extraction process is similar to surgery. You can't put your appendix back in, nor would you want to. We can, however, recreate them. Similar to the memories we created to replace the missing ones, we can manipulate your current memories and add back any of them that you remember well enough to recreate for us."

"But we don't remember them, that's the whole point!" Kurt said, feeling his hope die. "My friend Rachel said that you wrote down all the memories I had, so that you could locate them for erasing. Can't you just bring them back using that?"

She shook her head. "Those are destroyed once the procedure is done. It's part of the contract you signed, Mr. Hummel. You gave away your right to those memories when you started this process. I'm sorry, but I can't help you."

"Maybe I could pull together my friends and family and they could help tell us-"

"I don't want them back." Blaine, who'd been silent the whole time, said.

"But, Blaine…" Kurt reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "You were the one who wanted us to try this. You were the one who convinced me to make this appointment. Why are you changing your mind?"

"I've thought about this long and hard, Kurt. I already feel awful about what happened back then. I really don't want to actually remember doing those things. The past is the past and we shouldn't bring it back."

"But what about all those beautiful moments we shared? Our engagement, our anniversaries, our happy times? Don't you want those back?"

Blaine shook his head, sitting up from where he'd been slumped in his chair. "We can create new memories, ones that aren't tarnished by pain and anger."

"Are you sure?"

Blaine nodded. "I'm not the person I was back then. Sure, you love me now, but what about when _he_ comes back? Would you still love me then? I don't want you loving him more than me. Or hating me _because_ of him."

Blaine's words brought back that dream Kurt had had the night after they'd learned of the extraction. The one where he'd talked with the Blaine from before. That Blaine had talked about himself as if he was separate from the Blaine who was from the present. "You talk as if you're two separate beings. You're the same person, Blaine."

"But we're not. That Blaine didn't love you enough to stay faithful. He pushed away his love for you for _months_ when he should have been with you from the start. He gave up his own life and dreams and passions for you and became less than himself. I would never do that. That's not me and I don't want that person back. He's not good enough for you."

Kurt felt his eyes sting with the beginnings of tears. "Oh, Blaine."

"I love you, Kurt. I love the person you are right now. I don't want you to become the person from before. Your Dad made it sound like you were so unhappy and resigning yourself to a life you didn't want. You should never give up and accept something that isn't what you want. I won't allow you to do that."

Kurt reached across the space between their chairs and pulled Blaine into a bone-crushing hug. "I love you so much, Blaine; the you that's in front of me. The beautiful and wonderful man who swept me off my feet. The talented man who can tame a crowd with his voice and who has stolen my heart so completely."

"I love you, too."

As Kurt pulled away from Blaine, he caught sight of the Doctor who'd been watching their interaction in silence. "Thank you for your time, Doctor, but I think we're set."

"Of course. If you need anything in the future, you can call and set up a time to meet."

When they'd paid and left the clinic, Kurt turned them towards Central Park. "I don't want to go home right now. Can we just take a walk?"

"Sure." Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand and walked them towards the north end of the park. "So, I guess that appointment was a bust."

"Not necessarily," Kurt said. "We both know now that we're ready to move on. We both are thinking of the past us as just that: the past. We know what happened before and we won't let it happen again. We're both on the same page and that's important."

"True." They walked towards the playground and stopped to watch the children playing. "What's your thought on having children?"

Kurt turned worried eyes to Blaine. "What?"

"Not right now," Blaine hastened to explain. "I was just curious if you could see yourself having them in the future."

Kurt bit his lip. "Complete honesty here? No. That doesn't- that doesn't change things between us, does it?" Kurt couldn't help but feel this would ruin everything.

Blaine cupped Kurt's cheeks in his hands. "You look terrified, Kurt." He kissed him softly. "It's something we'll need to talk about, but it's not the 'be all, end all'."

"So, you want kids?"

Blaine shrugged. "No idea. Maybe? I never really gave it much thought. I like kids, but I'm not certain I'd want ones of my own." Blaine watched the kids being pushed on the swings. "I figured that I'd wait to make a decision until I met the right guy and talked about it with him."

"I've known that I didn't want kids for as long as I can remember. It may be selfish, but I want my life to be my own. I want to be able to go on vacation, or go out to eat, or enjoy a quiet night in without worrying about getting a babysitter."

"You don't need to explain it to me, Kurt. I understand." He glanced one last time at the playground before walking away. "Once we're actually at that point, we'll talk about it again. That won't be for a long time, though."

They spent the rest of their walk in silence, watching the joggers, performers, tourists, and artists as they passed. As it started to get darker out, they exited the park and grabbed a cab to take them back to Kurt's apartment.

"How'd everything go?" Rachel asked, glancing up from her laptop when they entered the apartment.

Kurt shook his head. Rachel nodded in understanding. She hugged them both before sitting back down at her computer. Kurt and Blaine shuffled to Kurt's bed, stripping quickly and falling into it.

"Love you," Kurt murmured, mouth opening into a yawn.

"You too," Blaine responded, already half asleep.

 

End Notes:

**Only three more chapters left. One more major storyline before we can finish this up. I hope you're enjoying the turn of events.**

**As always, reviews are like oxygen to writers.**

**Any ideas on what the next twist will be?**

**Oh, also, after this is done being posted, I'll be putting up a series of one shots. If there's something you'd like to see, let me know!**


	41. Chapter 41

_You've been the only thing that's right in all I've done_

_And I can barely look at you, but every single time I do_   
_I know we'll make it anywhere away from here_   
_Light up, light up, as if you have a choice_   
_Even if you cannot hear my voice_   
_I'll be right beside you dear_

 

Kurt's eyes shot open, confused as to what had woken him up.

 

Blaine was still sound asleep, his nose scrunched up as light snores came out of his open mouth. Kurt was just about to relax back into bed when he heard it. From the living room, he could just make out sniffling and soft sobs. Kurt sat up carefully, pulling himself out of Blaine's embrace.

 

He pulled on a bathrobe before going to investigate. As it got closer to Christmas, the chill in the apartment got harder to handle.

 

When he passed through the partition in the curtains around his bed, he spotted the source of the sound. Rachel sat on the floor of the living room, her cheeks wet with tears.

 

"Rachel, what's wrong?"

 

She hiccupped, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs, Finn's football jersey held tightly in her fists. "Kurt, I remember."

 

"Oh, Rachel." Kurt walked over to her, pulling her into his arms.

 

"He was the love of my life, Kurt. I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him – how could I just throw that all away?"

 

"He died, Rachel. You were grieving and you couldn't move on."

 

"He was everything to me and I got rid of him. Instead of keeping him in my heart and looking back on our love with fondness, I erased it all. It's such a disrespect to him and our love. God, I hate myself, Kurt. I'm horrible and I-" She broke down, sobbing into Kurt's arms. "H-he-help me, K-Kur-Kurt."

 

Kurt felt tears rush down his cheeks, his heart breaking for his best friend.

 

"What happened?" Kurt looked up to see a sleepy Blaine standing at the edge of the living room. His hair was wild around his face, his eyes slightly swollen with leftover sleep. "Can I help?"

 

Rachel burrowed herself deeper into Kurt's arms, her body still shaking. Kurt rubbed his hand up and down Rachel's back. "I'm not sure how it happened, but Rachel remembers Finn and everything she erased of him."

 

Blaine's eyes widened. He knelt down next to them and put his hand on Rachel's shoulder. "How did you get your memories back? Sorry, that was rude. You don't have to answer if you don't want-"

 

"I was pulling out some of the things I'd kept of you guys," Rachel said, leaning back so that she could look at Blaine, "just in case Kurt ever needed to remember. I found this jacket," Rachel held up the Letterman's jacket that was still clenched in her fists, "in one of the boxes and the smell hit me and suddenly I was reliving everything at once. It wasn't just bits and pieces either. It was  _everything_." She wiped at her wet cheeks. "I'm just trying to figure out where I go from here."

 

Kurt rested his cheek on top of Rachel's head, continuing to stroke his hands over her back. "Is there anything you want us to do, Rachel?" he asked.

 

Rachel pulled away from him and blinked up at him through wet lashes. "I want to go see him… his grave," she amended. "I need to see him."

 

Kurt felt his heart squeeze painfully. He hadn't been to see Finn's grave in a while. It hurt too much, reminded him of all the pain and sadness that he never wanted to relive. He loved his step-brother, but sometimes it hurt too much to think about him. "Do you want me to take you?"

 

She nodded. "I can't do it alone."

 

"If you both wanted to go today, I have the day off. I could drive you," Blaine offered.

 

Kurt tried to smile at his boyfriend, but his heart was hurting too much to make it genuine. "That would be wonderful, thank you."

 

Kurt helped Rachel stand up, walking her over to the shower so that she could clean herself up and hopefully wash away some of the pain. Meanwhile, Kurt grabbed his suitcase and started packing up his clothes. Blaine hugged Kurt tightly before heading over to his own apartment to pack some things and let Cooper know what was going on.

 

* * *

 

By the time Blaine arrived back at Kurt and Rachel's apartment, Rachel had brightened a little, wearing a plain black dress with Finn's jacket over her shoulders. Kurt, on the other hand, looked exhausted. Blaine pulled Kurt into the bedroom. "Are you okay, Kurt?"

 

For a moment, it looked like Kurt was going to nod, but Blaine watched as Kurt deflated. "No," Kurt whispered, his arms crossing over his chest and gripping tightly. "I want to be there for Rachel, but I don't know if I'm ready to see him again." Kurt sat down on his bed, curling his legs up into his chest and resting his chin on his knees.

 

"You don't have to go, Kurt. There's no reason to put yourself through all this."

 

"I'm her best friend. I can't make her do this alone."

 

"I'll go with her. She won't be alone."

 

Kurt's mouth tilted up slightly in a smile. "That's terribly sweet, but it's not the same. She was here with me through all of our problems. I need to be there with her for hers." Kurt sighed, head tilting down even farther. "I just don't think I can make it through going to see him again. Seeing that slab of stone makes it that much more final and real. I feel like the worst person in the world."

 

Blaine curled his arm around Kurt's shoulder. "You aren't. You're human and you're still hurting over his death. There's nothing wrong with what you're feeling. It shows how much you still love him and miss him. I'll be with you every step of the way. You won't be alone."

 

"Have I told you how much I love you?"

 

"Today?" Blaine asked with a smile. "It can't be nearly as much as I love you." Blaine used his thumb to wipe away the tears that had fallen from Kurt's face and pressed a kiss to Kurt's forehead. "Are you ready?"

 

"As I'll ever be," Kurt responded, standing up and reaching down to pick us his suitcase. He took Blaine's hand in his and let himself be walked out of the bedroom.

 

* * *

 

The drive to Lima felt shorter than it had the last time Kurt had made it. He kept his eyes trained on the trees and skylines that they drove past, waiting until Rachel had fallen asleep in the back seat before pulling out his phone and dialing his parents. He explained everything he could about what had happened with Rachel. It was difficult to hold back tears when he heard Carole gasp quietly.

 

"We'll come see you after we go see Finn," Kurt said, his heart in his throat. "I'm sure Rachel would like to see you."

 

"That would be lovely. I've missed her," Carole admitted. "I have some things of hers that I'm sure she'd like back."

 

Kurt said his goodbyes, promising to call them when they reached Lima. He set his phone back on the charger, twisting his body so that his back rested against the door, trying to find a comfortable position. They were only halfway through Pennsylvania, so they still had a long way to go.

 

As they continued west on the highway, Blaine reached over and put a hand on Kurt's leg, rubbing up and down softly. "You're doing a good thing, Kurt. Like you said, she was there for you, so we have to be there for her."

 

"You didn't have to come," Kurt said, setting his hand on top of Blaine's. " _You're_  the one who's doing a good thing."

 

Blaine flushed lightly, the tips of his ears going red. "I'd like to think I could be friends with her, too. So it's really nothing special."

 

"You're going to have to learn to take compliments," Kurt said with a light laugh. "I'm not going to stop giving them anytime soon."

 

Blaine stopped at a fast food place as they neared the border of Pennsylvania and Ohio. He bought Rachel a salad for when she woke up, getting himself a burger and Kurt a wrap. Blaine made quick work of his food so that they could get right back on the road.

 

Kurt ended up taking a nap a few minutes after eating. Blaine woke him up as they were nearing Lima so that Kurt could direct him to the graveyard. Kurt felt anxious as they got closer, reaching back to wake up Rachel so that she'd be ready for when they arrived.

 

When Blaine pulled into a parking spot near the front of the cemetery, the car fell into uneasy silence. Finally, Blaine turned to face both Kurt and Rachel. "We can stay in the car as long as you need. We could even go to Kurt's parent's house for tonight and come back tomorrow."

 

Rachel shook her head. "I need to do this tonight." With a deep breath, Rachel reached for the car handle and stepped outside the car.

 

End Notes:

**Woah, Rachel remembers Finn? How did this happen? What does this mean for Kurt and Blaine?**

 

**Writing this was really hard. I haven't lost anyone dear to me so I had to try and put myself in their place to try and figure out the emotions. All three of them (Kurt, Blaine, and Rachel) are all different, so they all react completely differently. I hope they stay true to character.**

 

**Only two more chapters left until the end of the story.**

 

**Thanks for all the reviews, follows, and favorites!**

 

**PS I am in the middle of writing my second prompt for the "Tragedy One Shots/Prompts" story and it's both fluffy and angst-tastic. Which is my favorite!**


	42. Chapter 42

_Run away with my heart_

_Run away with my hope_

_Run away with my love_

_I know now, just quite how_

_My life and love might still go on_

_In your heart, in your mind_

_I'll stay with you for all of time_

 

 

Kurt exited the car soon after Rachel, walking slowly through the plots. Feeling like a third wheel, Blaine stayed in the car. He flicked on the radio to drown out the uncomfortable silence. As the minutes passed into an hour, Blaine pulled out his phone and opened up his facebook, idly checking his show's page to see if there were any updates.

 

He jumped when there was a knock on his window, his phone flying to the floor. His hand flew to his chest and clutched at it, willing his heart to stop trying beat out of it. Kurt was peering in the window.

 

Blaine picked up his phone and slipped it in his pocket as he exited the car. "Is everything okay?" Blaine asked, looking around Kurt to see if he could spot Rachel.

 

"You said you knew Finn from McKinley. I thought maybe you'd like to go see him." Kurt looked nervous, his fingers twisting together. "You don't have to if you don't-"

 

Blaine took Kurt's hands into his own. "I'd love to go see him with you." He let Kurt lead him across the field to where he could see Rachel crouched at a gravestone. "He was a good teacher. It's too bad he never got the chance to do more with it," Blaine said, squeezing Kurt's hand.

 

"I never got to see him in action. I was always too busy to visit," Kurt said, bitterness dripping from his lips.

 

"Maybe you did," Blaine said, causing Kurt to stop walking and look at him in confusion. "We know there's a lot still missing or wrong in our memories. Maybe you did come see him in the real timeline. Maybe they made you think you didn't come because I was there, you know?"

 

"You may be right," Kurt said, looking contemplative. "Either way, I don't remember it and that's what really hurting right now."

 

By that time, they'd gotten close enough to Rachel that they let their conversation drop.

 

Kurt let go of Blaine's hand so that he could crouch down next to Rachel. "You doing okay, Rachel?"

 

"I'm feeling better now," Rachel said, reaching out and stroking Finn's name on the stone. "Did you want to talk to him, Blaine?"

 

Blaine felt the color drain from his face.  _Oh gosh, they want me to talk to his headstone. I didn't even know him that well. I barely saw him a few hours a week for a couple months. This would be awkward enough if it was someone I knew really well because, really, what do you say to a headstone?_

 

He thanked his lucky stars when Kurt spoke up for him. "We'll take some time after you're done to visit with him. That way we won't interrupt your time with him."

 

Blaine stood back while Rachel quietly talked to the stone for a few more minutes before finally standing up and brushing her knees off. "I'm going to head back to the car," Rachel said. "You can take as long as you need."

 

Kurt waited until Rachel left before looking up at Blaine. "I could tell this was awkward for you," he said, standing up so that he could be eye-level with him. "Coming to a cemetery and talking to someone who has died isn't for everyone. It took me years before I felt comfortable visiting my mother and I never really talked to her." Kurt set his hand on the top of Finn's headstone. "It's weird, but I feel close to him here… almost like he's looking down at me."

 

Blaine walked closer to Kurt and slipped an arm around him. "Do you think Finn liked me?" he asked, looking down at the stone.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Well, I'm assuming Finn knew about us if we were dating in High School. Do you think he liked me?"

 

Kurt tilted his head. "I would like to think so. It took him a while to get used to the idea of having a gay step-brother, but he was always kind to me after that. I'd like to think he was happy that I had you."

 

Blaine felt his heart warm with Kurt's words. "I'll take care of him, Finn." He shocked himself with his words, but he couldn't stop them from pouring out. "I love him and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him. I'm just sorry you couldn't be here to experience all of this with us. I think you and my brother would have gotten along with each other. You'd have had another person to talk about how much you enjoyed picking on us, at the very least."

 

He was pulled from his thoughts at Kurt's watery giggle. Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine. "Thank you."

 

"For what?"

 

"For being here with me. For being  _you_."

 

"Always." Blaine pressed a kiss to Kurt's temple. When he felt Kurt's shiver, he rubbed his hands up and down Kurt's arms. "Why don't we head back to the car? We can always come back tomorrow."

 

"That's probably a good idea." They walked back to the car hand in hand. Kurt pulled out his cell and called his parents to let them know they were on their way over.

 

Rachel seemed lighter as they drove to the Hummel's. She hummed along with the radio as they drove through Lima, finally arriving at the house a little after 8 o'clock.

 

Carole came out to greet them, pulling Rachel into a hug, breath hitching as they rocked back and forth.

 

Kurt and Blaine grabbed the bags from the car, carrying them inside. Blaine set up his and Kurt's bags in Kurt's old room while Kurt set Rachel's into the guest bedroom on the main floor. Blaine looked up when he heard someone coming down the stairs, shocked to see that it was Rachel.

 

"I just wanted to thank you again for doing this for me."

 

"Of course. It really was no problem."

 

"It meant a lot to me. You've always been a good guy, Blaine. I'm sorry that I lost sight of that. Is it okay if I hug you?"

 

Blaine's mouth curved into a smile, opening his arms for Rachel to step into. "I can't say that I fully understand what you're going through, but Kurt and I will be here for you. We've all been through something crazy, so we should stick together."

 

"I'm glad you guys found each other again. I missed being your friend."

 

"I would love to say I miss you, but…"

 

Rachel smiled. "I understand. I think I'm going to go up and talk to Carole for a while."

 

* * *

 

As Rachel climbed the stairs back to the main floor, she passed Kurt. "Your room should be ready, Rachel."

 

"Thank you." She continued up the stairs. Carole was sitting in the living room with a few boxes and books set in front of her.

 

"I found a couple things you might like," Carole said, indicating that she'd like Rachel to join her on the couch. "I can leave them with you if you'd like to go through them alone."

 

"If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to look at them with you. I understand if it's too painful."

 

"Thank you, but I should be fine." Carole pulled open the first album. "As we both know, Finn had a few girlfriends, but you were always the most special to him. I can clearly remember the day you started dating; he came home in a daze. He didn't really eat his dinner. That was my first clue."

 

Rachel smiled brightly. "Finn did always enjoy eating."

 

"He was so happy back then. He had you and that club and you could tell he felt on top of the world. I always knew throughout the hard times that you two would make it." Carole sighed. "I just wish he'd gotten a little longer so that I could have seen him achieve his dreams."

 

Rachel glanced down at the album feeling such sadness as she looked at the moments in time captured on film.

 

"He always said you'd be a star on Broadway and that he'd marry you."

 

"He told me once," Rachel admitted quietly, "that he thought he was holding me back. He couldn't have been more wrong. He inspired me to have ambitions and chase my dreams. He gave me a real reason to sing." She could feel tears running down her cheeks, but she made no move to wipe them away. "I'm so sorry, Finn," she whispered, stroking a finger down a picture of him. "I'm so sorry that I never told you that. I'm sorry that I didn't make sure you knew how special you were."

 

"You didn't need to say it. I'm sure he knew." Carole embraced Rachel, both of them overcome with their grief. As much as it was hurting, Rachel couldn't be more grateful that her memories had returned. Finn was an important part of her life and she could never again wish him gone. He was taken much too young. Rachel was going to make it her mission to live for him and achieve everything he'd ever wished for her.

 

End Notes:

**If you know me, you'll know I detested Finchel since the beginning. This story has ben therapeutic and I actually enjoyed this last scene with Carole and Rachel connecting over Finn. It was also really nice writing the cemetery scenes.**

 

**Any ideas on how the story is going to end? Only one more chapter left :)**

 

**Oh, so I just wrote an epilogue but I'm not sure that it fits here. I'm debating putting it as chapter 44 or as a one-shot in the other series. It's probably one of my favorite chapters I've ever written.**


	43. Chapter 43

  
_Yesterday is history_   
_Tomorrow's a mystery_   
_I don't wanna lose you now_   
_I'm looking right at the other half of me_   
_The vacancy that sat in my heart_   
_Is a space that now you hold_   
_Show me how to fight for now_   
_I'll tell you, baby, it was easy_   
_Coming back here to you once I figured it out_   
_You were right here all along_   


 

A few minutes after Rachel left, Kurt came downstairs. He flopped himself back on the bed with a big sigh. "Crying always tires me out," Kurt said, draping an arm over his eyes. "And then I feel like crap for the rest of the day."

Blaine sat down next to him. "I'm sure your parents wouldn't mind if you took a nap. If you're hungry, I could make you a plate of dinner that you could heat up later."

Kurt's stomach growled at the words. "My parents wouldn't mind, but I think my stomach would." Kurt let his arm fall to his side and he blinked up at Blaine. "I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and this will have all been a crazy dream."

"Which part?" Blaine asked, lying back next to Kurt on the bed.

Kurt made a curious hum, turning his head so that he could look at Blaine.

"I just mean, which part would be the dream? Would we still be engaged, or would you be back to where you were before we met again?"

Kurt snorted. "With my luck it'd be a third option. I'd wake up and be somewhere completely different."

"Which would be where?" Blaine turned onto his side so that he could better look at Kurt. "I mean, where would you be right now if you had the choice?"

"I don't know, Paris, maybe?" Kurt's stomach growled once more. "We should probably go up and grab a bite to eat. I need to check on Rachel and make sure she'll be okay for the night." Kurt sat up, groaning as his back popped once he was upright.

Blaine, meanwhile, was lost in his head, visions of a Parisian café on a rooftop filling his mind.  _In the corner of his vision, Blaine could see the silhouette of a man dressed in a suit. Blaine turned to face the man, gasping when he saw that it was Kurt._

" _Kurt?"_

_Kurt's answering smile was small, his eyes glittering with unshed tears. "Hi, Blaine."_

" _What are you doing here? What's going on?"_

" _It's our anniversary, or well… it was." Kurt indicated the table behind him. "It is quite tragic that you forgot about this. It was one of your better romantic gestures."_

" _I… I did this?" Blaine asked, looking at the decorations and food._

" _Yeah. One little mention of wanting to visit Paris and you were inspired to bring Paris to me. I loved you more in this moment than I ever had before. I knew right then and there that we were ready to spend our lives together."_

" _How is this happening?" Blaine asked, looking around once more. Unlike Blaine's usual dreams, everything here was so vivid and real. If he ate something, would it have a taste? "Is this a dream?"_

_Kurt shook his head, picking up a glass of wine and taking a small sip. "This is a memory, one of the last few that was completely happy. You came back to this memory any time we'd fight. You'd spend hours here, sometimes. You'd turn on the radio and we'd dance for hours on end. We'd get drunk on the wine and enjoy our time together."_

_Blaine took the offered glass from Kurt and drank from it. The wine tasted crisp on his tongue, a slight burn in his throat as he swallowed. He could smell the food on the table (crepes with cream and fresh fruit piled on top) as clear as if he was actually reliving the moment. "Is this real? I mean, am I remembering this or is this some weird out-of-body experience?"_

_Kurt took the glass from Blaine once more and took another sip. "I don't try to question it. It's a nice memory, so why not just enjoy it?" Kurt walked over to the radio and fiddled with it. Soon, a soft jazz number filtered from the speakers. "May I have this dance?" he asked, eyebrow quirked and hand extended._

_Blaine put his hand in Kurt's and allowed himself to be pulled into an embrace. They swayed for what could have been minutes or hours, the song seemingly never ending. At some point, Blaine leaned up and kissed Kurt. He could still taste the wine on Kurt's tongue._

_When they needed air, they finally pulled apart. "I can't stay," Blaine breathed._

_Kurt's face fell. "A boy can dream."_

" _I love him, Kurt. As perfect as this is, this isn't my life anymore. He needs me and I refuse to lose myself in the past."_

_Kurt gripped Blaine by the lapels of his jacket. "Don't let him take you for granted._ _**I** _ _did and it's something I'll always regret."_

" _Will this…will you be gone once I leave here? Or will I keep seeing you in my dreams?"_

" _I'm here in your memories, Blaine. I'll never be truly gone. But, you love_ _ **him**_ _, Blaine. I can't compete with that; it hurts too much. I can never be the person that you need. I had you and I chose to let you go. I have to accept that."_

" _Kurt, I-"_

"Blaine?"

Blaine blinked and the image of the rooftop was gone. They were in Kurt's bedroom and Kurt was looking at Blaine with a worried expression.

"Are you okay? You looked lost."

"Yeah," Blaine said, shaking his head to clear it. "Do you think our memories will ever come back like Rachel's did?"

Kurt shrugged. "It's possible. I don't know if it would make things more or less confusing. At this point, I'm sort of hoping they don't come back. Why do you ask?"

"I just had this memory… sort of. It was as if I was reliving a moment in time, but not as Old me. You were there, but it wasn't really you." Blaine shook his head. "I'm more confused now than I was before."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not right now. Maybe later, when we're home." Blaine stood up and went over to Kurt. "Right now, I'd like to kiss you, the real you, the you that I'm crazy in love with."

"Crazy, huh?" Kurt asked with a smile.

When Kurt kissed him, Blaine could feel it all the way to his toes. There was no other sensation like kissing Kurt right here in this moment. It didn't matter what he did or didn't remember. It didn't matter what came before or was coming after. Blaine and Kurt were in love and nothing in the world would ever change that.

_Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need_   
_Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why_   
_If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?_

 

End Notes:

**Blaine reliving the Paris anniversary was one of the more fun things to write. I like the idea of getting lost in your memories and reliving and re-experiencing things. I would love to be able to do that myself.**

 

**This is the end. There is a lot more to their story, but that is for another time and another place. If you have any questions, I can answer them via PM and if you have any prompts, I am always open to writing further chapters. Thank you for sticking with me on this journey.**

 

**Please keep an eye out tomorrow for the "Tragedy of You and Me One Shots/Prompts" story that will be posted. I've already written three chapters and I'm anxious for you guys to read them. Please send me any prompts you have so that I can keep writing. Make sure to follow, favorite, and review the one shots story if you want to see more of it.**


	44. Chapter 44

Just in case you didn't recieve the email alert, I have continued this story in another place. Website to the continuation of this story: The Tragedy of You and Me - One Shots and Prompts: [http://archiveofourown.org/works/1146901 ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1146901)


	45. Chapter 45

I was asked by a reviewer what the songs were that I used. Here are all the songs used in this story (with the exception of "Against All Odd/Take a Look At Me Now: Elton John) that Blaine sang. Sorry for the random formatting - it wouldn't let me fix it. I'll be doing a similar chapter in my One Shots as well.

**1.Tragedy: Christina Perri**

_If you could envision the meaning of a tragedy_

_You might be surprised to hear it's you and me_

_Forgive and forget you a thousand times_

_For the fire and the sleepless nights_

_**2\. Tragedy: Christina Perri** _

_When it comes down to it_

_You never made the most of it_

_So I cried, cried, cried_

_And now I say goodbye_

 

_**3\. Any of Those: Darren Criss** _

_Last time you were mine, I was just a kid_   
_I didn't know there were consequences for what I did_   
_There were times it was good, but when it got bad_   
_I didn't have much pride, I gave you everything I had_

_**4\. Once Upon a Time: Darren Criss** _

_"The end" never seemed like it was good enough_   
_Two little words seemed too small_   
_I turned the page to find a blank one_   
_As if the ones before never really happened at all_

_**5\. Once Upon a Time: Darren Criss** _

_I got one more place in my memory_   
_When I wished with every part of me_   
_I could go back, go back to the start_

_**6\. Let Me Go: Three Doors Down** _

_I dream ahead to what I hope for_   
_And I turn my back on loving you_   
_How can this love be a good thing_   
_When I know what I'm going through_   
_And no matter how hard I try_   
_I can't escape these things inside I know_   
_I know when all the pieces fall apart_   
_You will be the only one who knows_

_**7\. Let Me Go: Three Doors Down** _   
_But one more lie could be the worst_  
 _And all these thoughts are never resting_  
 _And you're not something I deserve_  
 _In my head there's only you now_  
 _This world falls on me_  
 _In this world there's real and make believe_  
 _And this seems real to me_  
 _You love me but you don't know who I am_  
 _I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand_  
 _And you love me but you don't know who I am_  
 _So let me go_  
 _Let me go_

_**8\. Too Close: Alex Clare** _

_You know I'm not one to break promises_   
_I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe_  
 _At the end of it all, you're still my best friend_  
 _But there's something inside that I need to release_  
 _Which way is right, which way is wrong_  
 _How do I say that I need to move on_  
 _You know we're headed separate ways_

_**9\. Too Close: Alex Clare** _

_And it feels like I am just too close to love you_   
_There's nothing I can really say_   
_I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more_   
_Got to be true to myself_   
_And it feels like I am just too close to love you_   
_So I'll be on my way_

_You gave me more that I can return_   
_Yet there's so much that you deserve_   
_Nothing to say, nothing to do,_   
_I've nothing to give_   
_I must leave without you_   
_You know we're headed separate ways_

_**10\. Once Upon a Time: Darren Criss** _

_Here we are, standing at the finish line_   
_And I swear it's like we came a million miles_   
_And if I take one more step I will forget the rivers we've crossed_   
_Our happy ending will be lost if we say goodbye_

_**11\. Once Upon a Time: Darren Criss** _

_Why can't we move it on back to once upon a time?_

_What about the way our fable wasn't fiction?_   
_It was real to you, it was real to me_   
_So maybe our love was the love that comes from fiction_   
_We were never sure of what we were but we knew we could never be_

_**12\. Suteki Da Ne (English Version)/Beyond the Shards: Kate Covington** _

_Just when I realized the error of my ways_   
_You slipped between my fingertips_   
_I was a fool, I was stuck in such bliss_

_Wish I could grant you your first kiss_

_Sorrow only grows if I try to forget  
You're an eternal part of me_

_**13\. Over You: Chris Daughty** _

_Well, I never saw it coming, I should've started running_   
_A long, long time ago_   
_And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you_   
_More than you, more than you know_   
_I'm slowly getting closure, I guess it's really over_   
_I'm finally getting better_   
_And now I'm picking up the pieces, I'm spending all of these years_   
_Putting my heart back together_   
_'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through, I got over you_

_**14\. A Thousand and One Nights: Twisted Musical/Starkid** _

_He's at once familiar and unknowable_

_He's beautiful and wise and something in his eyes_

_Beckons me to know him and inspires me to say_

_I want to know your story, I want to know your past_

_I want to know your future, too_

_Fill my days and night with tales of you_

_I never cared for stories until you entered mine_

_And now my only wish is that our plots may intertwine_

_**15** _ _**. Suteki Da Ne (English Version)/Beyond the Shards: Kate Covington** _

_Soft darkened eyes_   
_Haunted by dreamless sleep_   
_Is it your ghost I see in the mirror?_

_Warm tears sting my eyes_   
_As all of these sweet memories flood back to me_   
_Reminiscing now, I'll still be here_   
_My existence is not the same without you here_

_**16\. Haven’t Met You Yet: Michael Buble** _

_I might have to wait, I’ll never give up_

_I guess it’s half timing and the other half’s luck_

_Wherever you are, whenever it’s right_

_You come out of nowhere and into my life_

_And I know that we can be so amazing_

_And baby your love is gonna change me_

_We’ll get it right and we’ll be united_

_I just haven’t met you yet_

_**17\.  Any of Those: Darren Criss** _

_Cut to today I've lived enough to know that love is such a mess_   
_Sometimes I got it right even when I got it wrong_   
_I would have thought that you meant I was the only one_

_**18\. If You Ever Come Back: The Script** _

_Still setting two plates on the counter, but eating without you_

_If the truth is you're a liar, then just say that you're okay  
I'm sleeping on your side of the bed, going out of my head now_

_And if you're out there trying to move on, but something pulls you back again  
I'm sitting here trying to persuade you like you're in the same room_

_But even if wishing is a waste of time, even if I never crossed your mind_

_Now they say I'm wasting my time ‘cause you're never coming home_

_**19\. Not Over You: Gavin DeGraw** _

_Dreams, that's where I have to go to see your beautiful face anymore_

_I stare at a picture of you and listen to the radio_

_Hope there's a conversation where we both admit we had it good_

_But until then it's alienation I know that much is understood and I realize_

_If you ask me how I'm doing, I would say I'm doing just fine_

_I would lie and say that you're not on my mind_

_But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two_

_And finally I'm forced to face the truth_

_No matter what I say I'm not over you_

_**20\. Love the Way You Lie (Part III Demo): Skylar Grey** _

_On the first page of our story, the future seemed so bright_   
_Then this thing turned out so evil, I don’t know why I’m still surprised_   
_Even angels have their wicked schemes and you take that to new extremes_   
_But you’ll always be my hero, even though you’ve lost your mind_   
_So maybe I'm a masochist - I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave_   
_Til the walls are going up in smoke with all our memories_   
_Run out the room and I’ll follow you like a lost puppy_   
_Baby, without you I’m nothing, I’m so lost, hug me_   
_Then tell me how ugly I am, but that you’ll always love me_

_**21\. Over You: Chris Daughtry** _

_You took a hammer to these walls_   
_Dragged the memories down the hall_   
_Packed your bags and walked away_   
_There was nothing I could say_   
_And when you slammed the front door shut_   
_A lot of others opened up_   
_So did my eyes so I could see_   
_That you never were the best for me_

_**22 .** _ _**Over You: Chris Daughtry** _

_Now that it's all said and done_   
_I can't believe you were the one_   
_To build me up and tear me down_   
_Like an old abandoned house_   
_What you said when you left_   
_Just left me cold and out of breath_   
_I fell too far, was in way too deep_   
_Guess I let you get the best of me_

_**23\. Run: Snow Patrol** _

_To think I might not see those eyes_   
_Makes it so hard not to cry_   
_And as we say our long goodbye_   
_I nearly do_   
_Slower, slower_   
_We don't have time for that_   
_All I want is to find an easy way_   
_To get out of our little heads_

_**24\. Sands of Time: Twisted Musical/Starkid** _

_Sands of time_

_Take me back_

_Before it all went wrong_

_When love was but a song_

_And tomorrow shone as brightly as the sun_

_Teach me to undo what's done_

_Sands of time_

_Take me back_

_**25\. You and Me: Lifehouse** _

_What day is it and in what month_

_This clock never seemed so alive_

_I can't keep up and I can't back down_

_I've been losing so much time_

_It's you and me and all the other people_

_And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you_

_Something about you now that I can't quite figure out_

__

_**26\. Wherever You Will Go: The Calling** _

_And maybe I'll find out_   
_A way to make it back someday_   
_To watch you, to guide you_   
_Through the darkest of your days_   
_Well then I hope there's someone out there_   
_Who can bring me back to you_

_**27\. It’s Not Over: Chris Daughtry** _

_I try to see the good in life_   
_But good things in life are hard to find_   
_We'll blow it away, blow it away_   
_Can we make this something good?_   
_Well, I'll try to do it right this time around_

_**28\. Here By Me: Three Doors Down** _

_I can’t take another day without you_

_Cause baby I could never make it on my own_

_I’ve been waiting so long just to hold you_

_And to be back in your arms where I belong_

_I’m sorry I can’t always find the words to say_

_Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away_

_Inside of your love_

_**29\. Everything: Lifehouse** _

_How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?  
Would you tell me, how could it be any better than this?_

_You calm the storms, and you give me rest_   
_You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall_   
_You steal my heart, and you take my breath away_   
_Would you take me in, take me deeper now_

_'Cause you're all I want, you're all I need  
You're everything, everything_

_**30\. Everything: Lifehouse** _

_Find me here, speak to me  
I want to feel you, I need to hear you_

_You are the light that's leading me  
To the place where I find peace again_

_You are the strength that keeps me walking_   
_You are the hope that keeps me trusting_   
_You are the light to my soul_   
_You are my purpose, you're everything_

_**31\. Any of Those: Darren Criss** _

_I know that face I can see behind it_   
_And you're hiding something he won't understand_   
_Something in me is still with you: do you feel it too?_   
_So I'm asking, are you in love? And is this really you?_

_**32\. Here By Me: Three Doors Down** _

_I hope you’re doing fine out there without me_

_Cause I’m not doing so good without you_

_The things I thought you’d never know about me_

_Were the things I guess you always understood_

_So how could I have been so blind for all these years?_

_Guess I only see the truth through all this fear of living without you_

_**33\. What About Now: Chris Daughtry** _

_Change the colors of the sky and open up to_   
_The ways you made me feel alive, the ways I loved you_   
_For all the things that never died_   
_To make it through the night, love will find you_

_**34\. For The First Time: The Script** _

_Sit talking up all night_

_Saying things we haven’t for a while_

_We’re smiling, but we’re close to tears_

_Even after all these years_

_We just now got the feeling_

_That we’re meeting for the first time_

_**35\. It’s Not Over: Chris Daughtry** _

_Let's start over_   
_I'll try to do it right this time around_   
_It's not over_   
_'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground_   
_This love is killing me_   
_But you're the only one_

_**36\. Addicted: Saving Abel** _

_It's not like you to turn away_ from all the bullshit I can't take  
 _It's not like me to walk away_  
 _The sound you make with every breath you take_  
 _It's unlike anything, when you're loving me_  
 _I know when it's getting rough_  
 _All the times we spend trying to make this love_  
 _Something better than just making love again_  
 _How can I make it through_  
 _All the things you do_  
 _There's just got to be more to you and me_

_**37\. Push: Matchbox 20** _

_I don’t know why you would ever lie to me_

_Like I’m a little untrusting when I think the truth is gonna hurt ya_

_And I don’t know why you couldn’t just stay with me_

_You couldn’t stand to be near me when my face don’t shine_

_‘Cause it’s a little bit dirty_

_Well, don’t just stand there, say nice things to me_

_‘Cause I’ve been cheated, I’ve been wronged_

_And you, you don’t know me_

_**38\. Crash: Chris Daughtry** _

_Somehow I couldn’t stop myself_

_I just wanted to know how it felt_

_Too strong, I couldn’t hold on_

_Now I’m just trying to make some sense_

_Out of how and why this happened_

_Where we’re headed, there’s just no knowing_

_**39\. What About Now: Chris Daughtry** _

_What about now? What about today?_   
_What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?_   
_What if our love never went away?_   
_What if it's lost behind words we could never find?_   
_Baby, before it's too late, what about now?_

_**40\. Mirrors: Justin Timberlake** _

_Now you're the inspiration for this precious_ _song_   
_And I just wanna see your face light up since you put me on_   
_So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone_   
_And I can't wait to get you home_   
_Just to let you know, you are the love of my life_

__

_**41\. Run: Snow Patrol** _

_You've been the only thing that's right in all I've done_   
_And I can barely look at you, but every single time I do_   
_I know we'll make it anywhere away from here_   
_Light up, light up, as if you have a choice_   
_Even if you cannot hear my voice_   
_I'll be right beside you dear_

_**42\. Wherever You Will Go: The Calling** _

_Run away with my heart_  
Run away with my hope  
Run away with my love

_I know now, just quite how_   
_My life and love might still go on_   
_In your heart, in your mind_   
_I'll stay with you for all of time_

_**43\. Mirrors: Justin Timberlake** _

_Yesterday is history_   
_Tomorrow's a mystery_   
_I don't wanna lose you now_   
_I'm looking right at the other half of me_   
_The vacancy that sat in my heart_   
_Is a space that now you hold_   
_Show me how to fight for now_   
_I'll tell you, baby, it was easy_   
_Coming back here to you once I figured it out_   
_You were right here all along_

_**Clarity: Zedd** _

_Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need_

_Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why_

 

_If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?_


End file.
